We recently connected with Monica Raell and have shared our conversation below.

Alright, Monica thanks for taking the time to share your stories and insights with us today. To kick things off, we’d love to hear about things you or your brand do that diverge from the industry standard.

What makes my message unique is it’s truly a self-love first message. Decentering men is not about not having a man. It is about never loosing yourself in the pursuit to get one or keep one. Typical dating advice is sold from the perspective of how to manipulate yourself or others to get them to love you, which I think is a miss. This behavior leads you to becoming disconnected with your needs and worse devaluing yourself if a relationship is not fully realized. The best way to attract the love of your life is to become the love of your life.

Monica, love having you share your insights with us. Before we ask you more questions, maybe you can take a moment to introduce yourself to our readers who might have missed our earlier conversations?

I am a certified self lover girl showing other women how to love themselves by decentering men and romanticizing their lives. Like most women, I grew up waiting to grab my piece of the American Dream with the married life, two kids and a dog.

Modern dating is funny because for so many of us, that is just not happening in this order. After wasting my 20s on losers, I began to feel down on myself because the dream that so many of us have been sold was simply not coming true for me. I knew something had to change but I just didn’t know what.

After some time being depressed about the possibility of never having my Americana love, I finally said “screw it”! I started living by mu own mantra, “Ive I’m going to be alone, I may as well lean to love the person Im going to be with”

I began to seek out hobbies, find community with women and untether my worth to this idea that checking those boxes meant more than the actual thing itself. I had no clue that this journey of decentering men and embarking on a world of self-discovery would lead me to feeling alive for the first time in my life.

What’s a lesson you had to unlearn and what’s the backstory?

I had to unlearn women reach the peak of their adulthood once they become a wife and mother. Socialization teaches you that your identity is directly linked to these roles causing you to devalue other contributions you may have to offer the world.

How did you build your audience on social media?

My journey began by happenstance. I had a burning “ick” that I had to release to the world, so I hopped on my iPhone and made a video. It was about women being desired at all ages. There were some naysayers, mostly men, but the amount of support from women agreeing that life for them had began at all different ages let me know I was on to something. For anyone building a social media presence, the only advice I can give is to just post the content! You will figure out the rest along the way.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://herpergamy.com
• Instagram: @herpergamy
• Youtube: @herpergamy
• Other: Substack: @Herpergamy