We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Michelle Barlow (but I prefer to use Tonya- my middle name) a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Alright, Michelle thanks for taking the time to share your stories and insights with us today. One of our favorite things to hear about is stories around the nicest thing someone has done for someone else – what’s the nicest thing someone has ever done for you?

Kindness has many forms, but for me, the kindest thing anyone has ever done is to truly listen. Not just hearing my words but really understanding my story—the pain, the struggles, the moments that left me feeling invisible.

The past few years have been a whirlwind of change, heartache, and growth. Almost two years ago, I made the hardest decision of my life: I left a 14-year relationship, which included a 9-year marriage. It wasn’t just the end of a relationship; it felt like the end of a life I had built. Divorce takes more than just the person you thought you’d spend forever with—it can take away friendships, trust, financial stability, your sense of identity, and an entire community that you thought would always be there.

During my divorce, I came to understand just how powerful it is to be truly heard. Many people, including those from my former community, were unwilling or unable to understand what I was going through, and that was deeply isolating. I felt confused and incredibly lonely, questioning why my experiences weren’t acknowledged or supported. Over time, as I read articles and stories from other women, I began to see a bigger picture—a realization that there are reasons why certain struggles are often dismissed or overlooked by others.

The friends who listened without judgment, who believed me, and who simply showed up became a lifeline. They reminded me what true compassion looks like.

Navigating this journey as a single mom to three little ones—now ages 9, 7, and 5—has been nothing short of overwhelming. Some days, the weight of holding it all together for them feels unmanageable. Yet, in the midst of all the chaos and pain, kindness has shown up in the most meaningful ways.

The people who have truly listened to me—those who not only hear but also respond with empathy and understanding—have given me a gift beyond measure. When someone repeats back key words or sentiments, I know they’re not just passively nodding along; they’re engaged. And in those moments, I feel seen, heard, loved, and understood. It’s such a powerful feeling that it often brings me to tears. Not everyone gets it, and it can be deeply isolating when they don’t. But when someone does—when they take the time to listen and validate my story—it’s an act of kindness that gives me the strength to keep moving forward.

I’ve been deeply moved by the simple yet profound acts of kindness from others—a thoughtful text checking in, a friend showing up at my door with food or flowers, someone leveraging their connections to help me find a job, or a heartfelt hug when no words could suffice. These small yet meaningful gestures have been lifelines, carrying me through some of my darkest moments.

This chapter of my life has been a lesson in letting go. Divorce has meant losing not just a partner but also the support system I once thought was unshakable. However, I’ve come to see this loss as a refining process—shedding what no longer serves me to focus on the people and things that truly matter.

Kindness, for me, has been about presence. It’s in the friends who show up, the loved ones who check in, and the strangers who remind me that being heard is a gift. It has taught me that in the most challenging seasons, even small acts of understanding can mean everything.

Michelle, love having you share your insights with us. Before we ask you more questions, maybe you can take a moment to introduce yourself to our readers who might have missed our earlier conversations?

Introducing Myself and My Journey: My name is Michelle, and I’m a proud first-generation Vietnamese-American and a 38 year old mom to three incredible kids—Ava (9), Zoe (7) and Christian (5). At 18, I moved from my hometown to Philadelphia for college, and the city quickly became my forever home. I’ve now spent more than half my life here, creating a life that’s deeply rooted in this vibrant, historic city.

For much of the past decade, I’ve lived my dream of being a stay-at-home mom. If you’d asked me in high school or college what I wanted to be when I grew up, my answer was simple: a stay-at-home mom. That dream came true nine years ago with the birth of my oldest, and I poured my heart into raising my children and creating a loving home.

But life has its unexpected turns. Two years ago, I began the journey of ending a 14-year relationship, including nine years of marriage. Divorce is never easy—it meant not only losing the person I thought I’d spend my life with but also facing challenges I never anticipated. I now find myself navigating life as a single mom while trying to re-enter the workforce after an extended career break. Let me tell you—it’s been hard. Many employers don’t value career gaps, and it’s been discouraging, to say the least.

Finding My Voice on Social Media:
Social media has always been a creative outlet for me. I’ve been active online since the early days of Facebook in college, posting pictures, updates, and little glimpses into my life. But back then, I never showed my struggles—it was all about keeping things happy and picture-perfect.

A lot of that stemmed from how I was raised. Growing up, I was never able to show my feelings or vulnerability. I often stayed silent to keep the peace, avoiding conflict even when it meant suppressing my own needs and emotions. Emotions were kept inside, and there wasn’t space for openly sharing struggles. For me, embracing vulnerability and sharing my authentic self now is more than just a personal transformation—it’s about breaking generational patterns and paving a new way forward.

A few years ago, I started feeling disconnected from the content I was creating. I tried to keep up with trends, like lip-syncing and dance videos, but it didn’t feel authentic. My perfectionist tendencies turned it into a stressful chore instead of something I enjoyed. Then, when I started facing challenges in my marriage, I completely stopped posting. I couldn’t bring myself to show up online while my life felt like it was falling apart.

During that break from social media, I was grieving—my marriage, the loss of my home life as I knew it, and the community I once thought would always be there. I needed that time to process and heal.

In November 2023, with the encouragement of a few friends, I found the courage to return to social media. My first reel, titled “Single Mom of 3 – A Morning Without the Kids,” unexpectedly went viral. At the time, I had only 800 followers. Fast-forward to today, and I’ve grown an organic following of 56,000.

What Sets My Content Apart:
What makes my content different? It’s real. It’s vulnerable. It’s the kind of content I wish I could have found during my darkest days. While many creators focus on the “happily ever after” or the perfectly polished version of their lives, I’m not afraid to show the messy, unfiltered side of healing and rebuilding.

My posts share stories that others can relate to—the good days, the hard days, and everything in between. I strive to create a space where people feel seen, heard, understood and less alone in their struggles. Healing isn’t linear, and I don’t pretend to have it all figured out. But I’ve learned that there’s incredible strength in vulnerability and connection.

What I Want My Followers to Know:
For anyone following me or just getting to know my story, I want you to know that I’m here to share not just my journey but also a sense of hope. Life doesn’t always go the way we planned, but even in the hardest moments, there’s room for growth, resilience, and joy.

I’m most proud of the community I’ve built online—a space where authenticity is celebrated and where people can find a little bit of themselves in my story. Whether it’s a heartfelt post about single motherhood or a lighthearted glimpse into my day-to-day life, I hope my content reminds others that they’re not alone.

To my followers and potential collaborators, I want you to know that my work comes from the heart. I’m committed to being real and creating meaningful connections, whether through social media, brand partnerships, or other creative endeavors. I’m so grateful for the incredible support I’ve received, and I can’t wait to see where this journey takes me next.

We’d love to hear the story of how you built up your social media audience?

Building My Social Media Audience: The story of how I built my audience on social media is deeply personal and, honestly, a bit unexpected. For years, I treated social media as a casual space to share photos and life updates with friends and family. But as life got harder—especially as I faced the challenges of divorce and single motherhood—I stepped away completely. I couldn’t bring myself to post when my life felt so raw and messy, and I didn’t want to present a picture-perfect version of my life that wasn’t real.

In November 2023, I decided to come back. My very first reel, “Single Mom of 3 – A Morning Without the Kids,” was an honest glimpse into my life. To my surprise, it resonated with people—deeply. That one post went viral, and my following grew from 800 to 50,000 organically within months. I think what connected with people was the authenticity. I wasn’t trying to follow trends or create polished, perfect content. I was simply sharing my story—the hard, the messy, and the real moments of trying to heal while raising three kids.

My approach to social media has changed completely. Instead of worrying about trends or perfection, I focus on being authentic. My posts are about sharing vulnerability and creating connections. I talk about the things I wish I’d seen when I was struggling the most because I know how isolating life’s challenges can feel.

Advice for Those Building Their Social Media Presence:
Be Authentic: The most important advice I can give is to stay authentic and true to yourself. Don’t feel pressured to follow every trend or fit into what you think social media “wants.”—share your story, the hard moments, and the realness. Share what feels true to you. Whether it’s a small joy, a struggle, or a lesson learned, your authenticity will resonate with people more than any perfectly staged post ever could. Also, ignore the negative comments. People will always have their opinions, and some may say hurtful things. It’s hard not to take it personally, but remember, they don’t know your whole story. Focus on the positive connections, and don’t let negativity distract you from your mission.

Share Your Story—The Hard and the Beautiful: People are craving realness and connection. They want to feel seen and understood. When you share your story—especially the hard parts—you remind others that they’re not alone. You may feel like you’re the only one going through something, but I promise there are countless others who can relate deeply to what you’re experiencing.

Connection Over Perfection: You don’t need to have perfect lighting, flawless editing, or the “right” captions. Focus on creating posts that foster connection. Whether it’s through a heartfelt story, a candid photo, or even just an honest caption, prioritize showing up as yourself.

Remember Your “Why”: Why do you want to build your social media presence? Whether it’s to connect, inspire, or create opportunities, let that guide your content. When you create with purpose, it shows.

It’s Okay to Start Small: Everyone starts somewhere. When I came back to social media, I had 800 followers. I couldn’t have imagined that within a year, I’d reach 50,000. Growth takes time, so don’t get discouraged if it feels slow at first. Consistency and authenticity go a long way.

​Use Hashtags Strategically: Hashtags are a powerful tool to help your posts reach a wider audience. I always include relevant hashtags that relate to the content I’m sharing, such as parenting, single mom life, or wellness. Think of them as a way to categorize your posts and make them discoverable by people who don’t already follow you.

Edit Videos with Care​: Before uploading my videos to Instagram, I use the app Splice to edit them. It’s user-friendly and helps me create clean, polished videos that match the tone and message I want to convey. Taking the time to edit ensures that your content looks professional and engaging.

Tag Brands​: If there are brands in your videos—whether it’s a food product, clothing, or anything else—make sure to tag them. Not only does this give credit where it’s due, but it can also increase the visibility of your post. You never know when a brand might notice your content and reach out for a collaboration.

Social media can feel overwhelming at times, but it’s also an incredible tool to create meaningful connections and tell your story. Show up as you are, and trust that your voice matters.

How about pivoting – can you share the story of a time you’ve had to pivot?

A Story of Pivoting in Life and Career: Life doesn’t always go the way we plan. For years, I thought I knew exactly how my life would unfold. I married the man I believed I’d grow old with, and we built a life together with our three beautiful children. My dream of being a stay-at-home mom came true, and for nine years, I poured everything into my family.

But two years ago, everything changed. After a 14-year relationship and nine years of marriage, I made the difficult decision to leave. It wasn’t just the end of a marriage—it was the start of a completely new chapter, one I wasn’t prepared for. Suddenly, I had to rebuild my life as a single mom while navigating the emotional and logistical challenges of divorce.

The hardest part of this pivot was accepting that I had to start over, not just emotionally but professionally. After being out of the workforce for nearly a decade, I quickly realized how tough it is to re-enter. Employers don’t always value the skills you develop as a full-time parent, even though managing a household and raising three kids comes with its own set of challenges and strengths.

It was overwhelming at first. I felt like I was starting from zero, with three little ones depending on me. But I reminded myself that pivots, no matter how difficult, also bring opportunities. I began looking for ways to rebuild not only my career but also my sense of self.

Healing Through the Pivot:
This comeback is deeply personal. I’m still healing, and the journey has been far from smooth. There have been bumps in the road—moments where I felt stuck or like I was going backward—but I’m committed to the process. While I feel more confident than I ever have in certain ways, I’m still wrestling with feelings of unworthiness and self-doubt.

One of the most significant lessons I’ve learned during this pivot is the importance of setting boundaries—loud and clear. For most of my life, I was a people pleaser. I thought saying “yes” to everything and everyone was how I could show love and be loved in return. But I’ve realized that living without boundaries left me exhausted, undervalued, and unable to pour into myself or my kids fully.

Implementing boundaries hasn’t been easy. It’s a constant struggle because I’ve learned the hard way that not everyone takes boundaries well. People may push back, challenge them, or even drift away when you finally start standing firm. But I’m learning that boundaries are not about controlling others—they’re about protecting my peace and aligning my actions with my worth.

What’s even more important to me is passing this knowledge down to my children. I’m actively teaching them about boundaries—how to recognize their own needs, say no when necessary, and stand up for themselves in a healthy way. I want them to grow up understanding that boundaries are a form of love and respect, both for others and for themselves. I want to instill in them the strength to stand confidently in their worth and always know they are deserving of love and respect.

Finding a New Path:
One unexpected blessing in this journey has been rediscovering my voice through social media. What started as a creative outlet turned into a platform where I could share my story authentically and connect with others. It gave me purpose during a time when I felt so lost.

The journey hasn’t been easy, and I’m still navigating it. But this pivot has taught me resilience, patience, and the importance of showing up for myself and my kids. While it wasn’t the life I originally envisioned, I’m finding strength in building something new.

Embracing the Pivot:
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from this experience, it’s that pivots, while often painful, are opportunities to grow and redefine yourself. Life is unpredictable, and sometimes we have to let go of one dream to make space for another. Starting over is hard, but it’s also a chance to discover what you’re truly capable of—and to create a life where you feel seen, heard, and valued.

Although my journey has been filled with struggles, it’s also been a powerful reminder that we are never truly alone. Healing takes time, and it’s okay to not have everything figured out, but it’s in our vulnerability that we find strength. There is beauty in embracing the imperfections and courage in showing up, even on the hardest days. No matter where you are in your own journey, remember that you are worthy of love, growth, and happiness. Keep going, keep showing up—because there is always hope, and there is always a way forward.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://stan.store/msmichelletonya
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ms.michelletonya/
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/michelletonya/

Image Credits
All photos are taken by: Christy McMahon from Studio Luminoso. https://studioluminoso.photography/ https://www.instagram.com/studioluminoso/