We were lucky to catch up with Merry May Ma recently and have shared our conversation below.
Merry May, appreciate you joining us today. What’s been the most meaningful project you’ve worked on?
One of the most meaningful projects I have worked on is a short social-justice-oriented documentary. It is an intimate portrait of a domestic violence survivor who finds purpose and happiness through healing herself and inspiring others.
The documentary is also about a rising, rising of herself to herself. Through poetic images and scores, we meet, greet, and trace the journey of the “artivist” (artist-activist), and probes the existential questions of what keeps us alive. How did she bounce back from the trauma and become strong again as a survivor and a thriver? What does her journey of faith, love, and hope tell us about coping with the physical and emotional challenges in our lives?
My connection with my documentary protagonist and her journey started in November 2022 when I worked as a PA on a UCLA undergrad thesis film set and she happened to be one of the actors. Her role as a cop who saved a trans-woman from being physically abused was very powerful and we talked during the production lunch about her connection to the film, her story, her activism, her books and… It was the beginning of a beautiful friendship!
When I first met her, little did I know that she is a domestic violence survivor — she has such a bright smile and unshakable spirit. It takes years for her to heal herself from domestic violence, judicial injustice, racial bias and houselessness, but she uses art, activism, and faith to not only inspire herself but millions of others. As a Chinese woman filmmaker, my unique cultural perspective connects me with her, despite our different backgrounds. We are both people of color, followers of God, and strong women. We both firmly believe that “we’re stronger than we think.” My own experiences, including dealing with a physical disability, have given me a unique perspective on resilience and inner strength. We both are fighters who can’t stay silent in the face of injustice and thus, I resonate with her deeply and hope to share our faith in love and art through our documentary.
We (several different friends in film and me) started filming our documentary around late January 2023 and finished the principal production in late January 2024. I still remember all the beautiful, wondrous, unexpected, spiritual, and heart-warming moments from filming, tracing, and learning from her and her journey. The bright blue sky in Pasadena, my documentary protagonist biking across the city, the palm trees and power lines passing by when we were filming her in the car, the upbeat music and songs we heard at church and events, the smiles we encountered and countless handshakes and hugs brought by her to her communities… I had a blast!!
Looking back, it was not only meaningful, but also profound and divine — my documentary protagonist has connected me to so many different and diverse parts of Los Angeles and makes this place feel like home for a new resident and an international student like me.
When editing our short documentary, I was stunned by how much footage we gathered: we have 76 hours of footage! Watching dailies and taking notes became very fun and since I have such a large amount of footage, I played with different story-lines and versions of the documentary. I edited the film throughout 2023 and in February 2024, after a few weeks’ high-focused-laser-like efforts, I transformed 76 hours of footage into a 18 minute short film via Avid Media Composer.
Drizzles, rain, storms in LA during that time also inspired me to add some thunderstorm sound-effects to her powerful one-woman-show-monologue; our stellar Post-Production Teaching Assistants offered me a hand whenever Avid crushed; I also learned to trouble-shoot myself whenever there were popping windows on Avid telling me something was wrong. But more memorably, I often shared clips I edited with my documentary protagonist and asked for her insights — WE are shaping our film together.
When I was close to finishing a rough cut (“V12.1”), my friend and an incredible animator who recently graduated from UCLA MFA Animation Program designed a little animated title card for our film. The title card of my documentary protagonist biking and her own purple signature of appearing on screen with flower petals falling adds so many playful textures to our film. Once again, I learned that filmmaking is the art of collaboration and I can’t thank my UCLA community enough for surrounding me with talented, multidisciplinary artists!
The evening the rough cut was done, I added a song sung by my documentary protagonist herself about the power of faith and appreciation of God. When listening to the song and putting together a montage of my documentary protagonist transforming from a survivor to a thriver and a giver to the communities, I had tears leaking in my eyes. It was unbelievable but I made it!
Later, to improve my film, I showed a version to my Advanced Editing class in James Bridges Theater at UCLA, one of the biggest theaters that have a wide silver screen. With a small, intimate audience, I gauged their emotions and experiences watching the documentary protagonist’s story and journey and received so many amazing insights. It was my first time showing my own work on such a big screen and the fact that the documentary protagonist was sitting next to me watching our film about her with me meant a lot to me. Not to mention that many peers began to laugh, cry, and clap throughout the film. Was this what the power of synergy and vulnerability felt like? Yes. I’m eternally thankful that I planted a garden and now look at the blossoms-in-progress in front of me.
My documentary protagonist’s unwavering faith, resilience and persistence are a testament to the human spirits’ capacity to triumph over adversity. It is one of the reasons for me to rise and shine every single day. It is a story worth telling and sharing widely, from present to the future. Producing, directing, and editing this documentary have changed my life and deepened my devotion to tell powerful and touching stories that would leave a social impact in our society. I am on my way to share her story to the whole world.
Awesome – so before we get into the rest of our questions, can you briefly introduce yourself to our readers.
This is Merry May Ma, a second-year MFA Directing student at UCLA. Based in Los Angeles, I’m a woman filmmaker from Shanghai, China. Though I have had a physical disability since age 2, it never confines my vision as an aspiring writer/director/producer/editor.
Watching I, ROBOT (Proyas, 2004) in theater as a kid inspired me to be a filmmaker. To broaden my perspectives, I majored in both Philosophy-Neuroscience-Psychology (a unique, interdisciplinary program at Washington University in St. Louis) and Film & Media Studies.
Since then, I have been actively transforming stories in my mind to moving images and sounds for big and small screens around the world. My works often feature empowered women, international students, unexpected but joyous discoveries, and tiny beautiful moments we can enjoy more in our daily lives.
Cinema has lengthened my life by 2.5 times (Edward Yang) and I hope to enrich others’ lives through filmmaking. To me, the essence of making movies is to share the joy of being alive from the bottom of my heart to others. If the films I make could make others laugh, cry, and be hopeful or uplifted, I would feel fulfilled and happy.
During the pandemic, I began to make documentaries featuring international students’ stories on mental health, which embarked my journey at UCLA. In LA, I continue showcasing unheard voices and unsung heroes and heroines from diverse communities. Whether it’s collaborating with a domestic violence survivor to create a social-justice-oriented-feel-good documentary, to highlight the joy and bittersweetness behind a scientific breakthrough, or to celebrate AAPI filmmaker’s voices and stories by co-founding API Film Night at UCLA, I’m devoted to connecting like-minded people and building communities.
As a playful dreamer and a comedic artist with immense imagination, I strive to capture the strength of human will and beautiful minds across the globe.
Are there any books, videos or other content that you feel have meaningfully impacted your thinking?
One of the reasons I fell in love with cinema and filmmaking is films’ tactility. What do I mean by this? Think about the last time when you watched films and you realized your five senses were activated — you could not only see and hear things on screen but could somehow smell or even taste.
Two boys are rolling on the grass from the foreground right to the middle ground center. The music is triumphant and exciting. As the boys roll, we can hear their clothes rubbing and brushing the grass. Suddenly, I smelled the soil and grass for a few seconds. The fresh scent mingled with the warm air and elicited a pleasant feeling. Wait, what just happened? I was in a theater. I couldn’t smell soil in any way! Realizing this perception was “impossible”, I directed attention to my body and brain, and asked myself: what brought me the scent of the grass, and why did this sensation happen?
This incredible sensual experience comes from THE TREE OF LIFE (2011) by Terrence Malick. I love the film because it activates our five senses, invites us to form a reciprocal relationship with the film, and reminds us of how we first interacted with the world as babies.
In essay “What My Fingers Knew”, film theorist Vivian Sobchack uses the term “cinesthetic subject” (67) to describe two “structures and conditions of the human sensorium: synaesthesia and coenaesthesis” (67). The experience of smelling the grass in THE TREE OF LIFE is an example of synaesthesia, which refers to the “involuntary experience in which the stimulation of one sense cause[s] a perception in another” (67). But it is not just seeing the grass that triggers the scent of the grass; it is because the boys’ sensory interaction with the grass reminds me of my experience so much that the region inside my brain controlling smell is activated, too. Thus, THE TREE OF LIFE “touches” us by activating our five senses.
Besides activating our bodily sensations, THE TREE OF LIFE expresses emotions through embodied movements. For example, there is a scene of the parents holding a new-born [00:38:43]. In an extreme-close-up, the parent’s hands hold a tiny baby’s foot, in which the footprints and the color of flesh of the baby are so visible that I can feel myself touching the texture of the skin. How soft would it be? Is it warm or cold?… In the split of a second, I can share the joy and awe welcoming this tiny miracle to the world just like the happy parents do.
Last but not least, THE TREE OF LIFE invites us to form a reciprocal relationship with the film, where we are not passive receivers but actively engage with what we are given. In “Introduction to The Tactile Eye: Touch and the Cinematic Experience”, film theorist Jennifer Barker encourages us to consider our relationship to cinema as an intimate connection rather than a “distant experience of observation” (2). After we see a leaf being blown on the ground, the baby licks his hands, and the mother kisses his hands, there is a strikingly sensuous shot with a patch of dancing shadows on the light-green wall. It is filmed on a slanted low angle in a long shot, reflecting what the baby sees when he is held by his mother. The reverse shot emphasizes his curiosity about that shadow as he waves his hands and opens his eyes and mouth wide. When watching this shot, I cannot help but imagine: what if I could see the world as if it is my first time seeing the world? Maybe I can re-examine what I see and appreciate them from new angles. Suddenly, I not only watch the story unfold but also switch my attention to my own conscious experiences, forming a reciprocal relationship with the film.
In conclusion, THE TREE OF LIFE has changed my life because it invites me to take an adventure in perception. The tactility of THE TREE OF LIFE transports us to the innocent yet pure era of our life: when we first open our eyes, when we first smile, when we first lay on our parents’ shoulders and yawn at the sun, when we first learn to walk or talk and more. It also urges us to “see more, hear more, and feel more” (Sontag, 1964), to pay more attention to the immediate sensations from cinema and daily life, and become more connected to the beautiful world.
Is there a particular goal or mission driving your creative journey?
One of my goals of being a filmmaker is to showcase the immense beauty of imagination and the tiny beautiful moments we can enjoy in chasing something. As a dream-catcher, I often set big, ambitious goals for myself to achieve, but I also know that if I prioritize only the end-results, I wouldn’t be happy. Thus, I constantly remind myself to stay grateful and take delight in the mini-steps marching forward.
When brainstorming my potential thesis film at UCLA in December 2023, I happened to sit next to a 4th-year-undergraduate in material engineering. We went to the same screening, YI YI (Yang, 2000) that we both loved deeply, so we immediately began chatting. After I brought up the idea of making a short film about scientists, he pitched a short story he wrote about a young woman from Taiwan working in a semiconductor fab dreaming to break free and becoming a symbolic, freer electron.
Intrigued by the idea and shared by our international experiences, we began to collaborate and we found that many current Asian graduate students in science, technology, engineering, and mathematics (STEM) experience anxiety regarding expectations to gain quantifiable results in their research and/or are unsure of the purpose(s) behind their research and what they hope to achieve. A Nature survey on graduate students in 2022 also shows that “forty-one per cent say they are very concerned about the difficulty of maintaining a decent work–life balance” (Woolston, 2022).
Inspired by the possibilities to spotlight unsung heroines in STEM and how they overcome scientific and mental health challenges, we began writing a short film script named ENTANGLED LIVES which I plan to direct in late August 2024 as my MFA Thesis Film at UCLA.
This coming-of-age-fantasy film is about two young Asian women finding joy and inspiration in unexpected ways and building communities to combat loneliness and uncertainties in the collective pursuit of science and art. Like William James says, “We’re like islands in the sea, separate on the surface but connected in the deep.”
One of the interesting artistic challenges is that we need to create a nano-landscape for the protagonist to walk in and explore. This nano-landscape is observed only under the protagonist’s microscope for her material science research. We not only hope to create an accurate representation of what the nano-landscape looks like, but also strive to make it look beautiful and mystic.
What excites us about this project is that we hope to highlight unconventional ways of finding connections and communities, how two unrelated things can come together to generate significant changes, and how sometimes inspirations come from unexpected people and places.
We also hope to make some seemingly esoteric chemical, material science and engineering concepts more accessible and interesting to the general audience, making more people see science as art.
In a nutshell, ENTANGLED LIVES reflects our mission to amplify the voices and representations of Asian American women scientists-artists and continue creating dialogues about the socioeconomic, gendered, and cultural barriers in STEM-based academic environments. When moving forward, I hope to continue showcasing underrepresented heroes and heroines who believe in their voices and missions and savor every moment of what they’re pursuing.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.vimeo.com/merrymayma
- Instagram: @mmatthemovies
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/merrymayma100/
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTVwtOgSPxX0Xr_AY9g8_CQ
Image Credits
Photos by Sarah Xing, Aldo Schwartz, Eileen McNulty, and Joshua Huang.