We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Melissa Walker a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Hi Melissa, thanks for joining us today. If you had a defining moment that you feel really changed the trajectory of your career, we’d love to hear the story and details.

I had been in practice for 11 years and had just published my first book when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I was 42 years old. Until my diagnosis, I had been prepared to launch my book and fill my calendar with travelling for speaking engagements and workshops, a book tour, and other very busy, important things. As a therapist, I was no stranger to the struggle of balancing self-care with a full caseload and I was about to add “travelling author” to my list of things to manage. With my diagnosis, series of surgeries, and new priorities of health and family first, I noticed the focus of my work and my business shifting. My physical and emotional energy level became an even more precious resource. Instead of casting a very wide net of presenting my book to unknown audiences, I shifted into primarily working with and training other therapists. Now, I primarily supervise other therapists and train them in the somatic sex therapy model that I’ve developed, supporting other therapists to incorporate this holistic model for working with sex/ual/ity into their work, since most educational programs for therapists do not include this integral and often challenging aspect of being in a human body. I have found that this shift in the focus of my business has created a more seamless experience so that I can be more present with my body and spend more quality time with my family and dear friends while still doing the work that I am passionate about.

Awesome – so before we get into the rest of our questions, can you briefly introduce yourself to our readers.

I integrate somatic psychotherapy and dance/movement therapy into sex and relationship counseling. I work with adult couples, supervise other therapists-in-training, and run workshops on somatic sex therapy. The model that I have created over 12 years of counseling and teaching, Somatic-Concentric Sex Therapy, is a body-based and socially-inclusive way of working that is well-suited for psychotherapists, psychologists, and counselors. I have also had other wellness coaches and professionals in my workshops that tell me how their work has been positively impacted by my approach. My book, Whole-Body Sex: Somatic Sex Therapy and the Lost Language of the Erotic Body, is based on my model and approach. I also run embodied intimacy master classes — day long intensives for adult couples to learn embodied communication, bodyful touch practices with each other, and sex/ual/ity education that helps them create their own meaning for their sexual relationship. I am also about to start up yearly couples retreats again! These are intensive weekends where I get to take couples on a journey where they discover their brilliance and compatibility, as well as give them tools to work with their challenges in a way that helps them grow together.

Can you share a story from your journey that illustrates your resilience?

As a survivor of breast cancer, I knew that my relationship with my body would be challenged. Since empowered embodiment is my life’s work, I dedicated myself to a daily practice of greeting my body with all the pain and discomfort and strangeness that I found there. By softening around the pain and then challenging myself to follow the small impulses for movement, my body discovered fluidity, expansion, and I have healed beautifully as a result. I also find that I am more sensitive these days to both the discomforts and the pleasures of life, so I give myself more space and grace to feel it all.

Training and knowledge matter of course, but beyond that what do you think matters most in terms of succeeding in your field?

When working in the field of relationship counseling and sex therapy, I believe that it is an important and downright ethical duty to do our own personal work to increase awareness about our experiences, expressions, and boundaries. This allows us to better support people with their concerns while having more awareness of how we might project our beliefs, assumptions, or challenges onto our clients. Some of the questions that I encourage therapists and therapists-in-training to ask themselves are: what are my own values about intimate relationships? What do I struggle with in myself or with my partner or partners? What are my relational patterns or habits? What values or beliefs did I inherit from my culture and family? What do I value or strive for because of or despite what I’ve inherited? We live in a culture where misinformation, confusion, and reactivity about sex/ual/ity is rampant. When our own challenges are unprocessed or unseen, we can get caught up in the social shadows that perpetuate the misinformation instead of being a part of the solution.

Contact Info:

• Website: www.embodiedrelationshipscenter.com
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melissa-walker-27356229/

Image Credits
Photo in the blue jacket is by Peggy Dyer