We recently connected with Mel Gentry Bosna and have shared our conversation below.

Alright, Mel thanks for taking the time to share your stories and insights with us today. Was there a moment in your career that meaningfully altered your trajectory? If so, we’d love to hear the backstory.

I’m a clinical social worker and have spent the majority of my career working with individuals healing from Complex-PTSD. The majority of my clients have experienced sexual trauma, consent violations and developmental disruption, and, of that group, a large subset experienced their trauma specifically inside Christian fundamentalism. Spiritual abuse is a beast of it’s own, because in addition to working through the shame and silencing that often happens due to consent violations, there’s a layer of healing and reclamation that needs to occur when faced with how a ‘loving god’ did not protect nor intervene on your behalf. Many of the clients I’ve worked with were explicitly asked to protect church and family rather than expose their truth or receive help.

When reflecting on the training I received earlier in my career I can see how I was encouraged to speed my way through trauma work–that extracting the story, prodding my clients right to the edge of their window of tolerance and having them remember/relive their pain seemed to be the clinical norm. I shudder now when I consider the ways we as providers may have increased unnecessary activation and compromised the healing process. Consent became the bedrock of my practice and I begin to find ways to help those I support discern their own readiness, willingness and capacity to incrementally process their experiences and history. Attuning to how and when to pause, breath, contain and full-on pivot in a session with the goal of staying grounded and connected began to transform my practice.

In 2019 I had a personal crisis which prompted me to explore consent from a new perspective. It became clear that we can only practice honoring consent based on the number of safe options we have to choose from, and, in any given moments, which of those options are actually accessible. Many of us aren’t connected to our inner compass and therefore are not even aware of what our ‘inner yes, no or maybe’ sounds like, which in turn means we give consent from disconnection–I refer to this as empty or default consent. Alternatively, many of us DO know what our inner ‘yes, no and maybe’ sounds like, however are in relationships or situations where it’s not safe enough for us to express it without fear of repercussion, rejection or abandonment. Meaning we may say ‘yes’ when we mean ‘no’ because we don’t know how to access or express our boundaries due to the paralysis we feel or the risk of being harmed that would follow. This is where consent as defined by the law is insufficient and often reinforces systems that shame and blame survivors.

My curiosity led me to explore the nuances between default consent and what I began to refer to as embodied consent. In addition to listening to my clients’ stories from this new perspective, my team conducted a qualitative research study for 6mo over 2021-2022 where 40hrs of interviews were collected from a diverse group of people living in 12 different states. I wanted to hear how others developed self-trust, defined consent, practiced boundaries and, what experiences or systems prevented them from doing so. What came out of the research was a more robust practice and perspective on embodied consent and the systems that hijack both its development and practice–namely patriarchy, Christian fundamentalism and white supremacy. Also explored are ways we can find a way back to our bodies and stories once we’ve experienced harm through consent violations.

‘In The House Of Me: a path from self-abandonment to self-reclamation through a practice of embodied consent’ is equal parts manual and memoir. The experience of accessing, offering and honoring safe options to my clients while attuning to their readiness for change and ability to access and use skills has felt terraforming to both my clinical and personal practice with consent. Toni Morrison said “that if there is a book you want to read, and it hasn’t been written yet, then you must write it.” That is what ‘In The House Of Me’ is for me–throughout my life I can see how much I too needed the stories included in the book and the exploration of more options, safe options. The book is my love letter to the world and she has equally healed parts of my story as well.

Mel, love having you share your insights with us. Before we ask you more questions, maybe you can take a moment to introduce yourself to our readers who might have missed our earlier conversations?

My education includes a BS in Sociology, Master of Social Work and I’ve been licensed as a clinical social worker in the state of Arizona since 2008. I’m in private practice and alongside my therapy-puppy-in-training, My Rainbow, provide in-person and telehealth individual therapy to adult clients who are reclaiming their bodies, trauma history and leaning into deeper homecoming. I am in the process of getting licensure in Oregon and hope to be able to see clients in the PNW virtually.

Every clinician approaches the healing process in their own way however I see my role as one of hopefully offering my clients a mirror to see themselves more clearly and fully from. I already believe that everything needed to heal exists inside of you. Trauma disconnects us from our worth and intuition however it’s impossible to lose it, so hopefully the healing process offers a place to incrementally practice reconnecting to our calm power and internal source.

Each client’s needs and vulnerabilities are unique and therefore healing ought to be too. I pull from multiple approaches and modalities that I’m trained in and consistently utilize Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Brain-Spotting most often as I believe the modalities prioritize consent and refute pathology in ways that feel in alignment for me and honor the fullness of my clients.

Other than training/knowledge, what do you think is most helpful for succeeding in your field?

Surprisingly, you might be shocked to discover how many mental health providers have never seen a therapist! It makes me cringe to be honest. It’s akin to giving dating advice to someone who’d never been on a date, or coaching a sport that you’d studied but never personally played. People do, and, I personally consider it a red flag. Many therapist also assume that because they’re trained in a specific area that they’re going to be a good fit for clients with that particular vulnerability–finding a therapist who supports you in a particular season has as much to do with safety, style, synergy and connection than it does solely on training and education.

I’d encourage anyone seeking therapy to pay attention to how their body feels when interacting and/or meeting with a clinician. While therapy is often challenging because of the deep and disruptive process reclamation requires, it ought not to feel unsafe. Trauma is loosely defined as experiences where we feel “too much, too fast and without a safe witness” and working with a clinician who doesn’t embody an understanding of that means that re-traumatization can happen in the therapeutic space. The last section of ‘In The House Of Me’ has a list of resources for readers to consider, one section includes questions to ask in the process of finding and vetting a new therapist! I never take it personally when a client asks if I see a therapist or how I practice boundaries with work-life balance. Training and knowledge only take mental health professionals so far in the filed, integrating the practices we encourage others to do is what provides credibility and keeps clinicians from assuming the role of arrogant expert.

Any advice for growing your clientele? What’s been most effective for you?

I don’t have an evidenced way to support this claim since the work we do is confidential however I believe the most effective strategies for growing clientele and establishing a reputation in my field relate to how up front I am about my own humanity and the values I aim to center.

While neither right nor wrong, most therapists’ websites seem to emphasize their education, training, etc. and often come across as sterile. My business partner and I both wanted to ensure that when potential clients find our website, that they have a clear sense for the ways we value human rights, center vulnerable and/or marginalized people and the ways in which safety and consent are prioritized in practice. We see ourselves as humans too and don’t presume to think we’re not above making mistakes as we evolve and decolonize our personal histories, bodies and professional practices.

Integrity is my core value and I get to practice repair and self-accountability whenever I encounter opportunities to do so. I hope my clients feel that in our interactions and believe it’s grown my business, and more importantly, aided in establishing safety and healing along the way the way for others.

Contact Info:

• Website: phoenixtraumatherapists.com, melgentrybosna.com
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mel_bosna_storyteller/
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/melodee-gentry-bosna-aa73b313/
• Other: Mel’s book, ‘In The House Of Me’ can be found either here on Amazon or on Bookshop which benefits local bookstores.

Image Credits
The desert images were taken by Stephanie Greene (https://lovestephaniegreene.com) The collection of therapy memes are sited with original sources as I could find them. The dog photo was taken by me at my office. He is an Australian labradoodle and his name formerly is Mr. Rainbow but everyone calls him Bowie!