We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Megan Rakos. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Megan below.
Alright, Megan thanks for taking the time to share your stories and insights with us today. Has your work ever been misunderstood or mischaracterized?
Being misunderstood/mischaracterized
Megan, before we move on to more of these sorts of questions, can you take some time to bring our readers up to speed on you and what you do?
I was born in Peru during a treacherous time in my birth parent’s lives. Two of my younger siblings passed away and they believed I would have an actual chance at surviving in the United States. I was placed for adoption shortly after I was born.
I was raised in the suburbs of Minnesota alongside my younger brother, Mike. I had a jumbled childhood and became a turbulent teenager as I tried to make sense of my surroundings as an adoptee. I grew up with. a white family and didn’t think there was anything wrong with it until kids in school started questioning why my birth mother “threw me away” and “didn’t want me”. Simple words began to create cracks in my foundation of who I thought I was.
I had a gaping hole in my heart and thought it could be filled once I went back down to Peru and found answers to who I was. My birth family hadn’t heard from my adopted parents in 13 years and assumed I was sold on the black market for my organs. They were sure surprised to see me and hold me when I finally made it down to Peru. I went to the house I would have grown up in. I was hit with a giant reality check and held my tongue as I navigated through a house with dirt floors. It didn’t feel like home and I missed my comfy life back in MN. Shortly after, I left my birth mom, birth dad, two sisters and one brother behind in Peru and unbenounched to me, the hole in my heart grew.
I took to art to escape emotions I couldn’t translate. It started with drawing and painting but needed to be ‘practicle’ in order to make a living. Although my birth parents wanted me to become a doctor I earned my bachelor’s degree in Fine Arts – Graphic Design. I took my degree and went wild – I couldn’t stay at one job for more than a year. To everyone else it didn’t make any sense and so many times I was told to “just pick a place and stay there.” It drove people crazy when I left a Marketing Director’s position to live in Peru for two months or when I left a Creative Director’s job to move to NYC and follow my heart.
I truly lost myself in trying to find myself. I put my attention into the wrong spaces and people. I tried to ‘fix’ everyone else but the truth was I was so afraid of who I became. I soaked up every single word of who others thought I was – it kind of makes me sick thinking about it. The trips to Peru only made me feel more disconnected to my culture so I began another journey of searching for answers to my past but this time I wanted to incorporate my future. Since I couldn’t make sense of who I was I started creating visuals of my own thoughts.
I enjoy exploring the duality of Peru’s rich history and the future of this and other universes. I love to get lost inside assembling ideas and exporting them into creations. I live in a constant flux of wanting to be in two places at once and now I can bring those worlds to life.
This whole time I failed to realize that I had all the peices – I just needed to have the confidence to peacefully put them together.
Is there a particular goal or mission driving your creative journey?
The mission that drives my creative journey stems from absolute confusion about the duality I live in, deep-rooted anger, and extreme sadness. Emotions have always been the fuel behind my designs and creativity. After I spent hours bringing a design to life, it feels like 20 pounds have been lifted from my shoulders and I have a great sense of relief.
Can you tell us about a time you’ve had to pivot?
My partner has a daughter, Maya, and after many months of custody hearings, she began living with us 50% of the time. I had to turn on a parental/motherly switch that I wasn’t quite ready for. To be perfectly honest I’m still learning as I go. At 32 years old I feel like a kid myself, as I continue to experiment with life. It’s incredibly frightening knowing a child looks up to you for all life’s answers but she’s the absolute best! She has all the wonderful, smart, and hilarious characteristics of her father.
I quickly realized I needed help to unlearn old habits and rewire my brain. The best thing I’ve ever done was to do the one thing my adopted mother has wanted me to do since I was a kid – go to therapy. When I speak out loud and share life events, I somehow see everything in a new light. My therapist helps me get to the root of my feelings and it’s not always fun. When I unravel tight knots in my brain I often leave her office feeling airy and free.
I’ve learned to take each day moment by moment and do my best to live at a slower pace so I can soak up the time left with Maya before she’s a teenager and hates my guts!
Contact Info:
- Website: https://lovesupay.com
- Instagram: http://instagram.com/lovesupay
- Facebook: http://facebook.com/lovesupay
- Twitter: http://twitter.com/lovesupay
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCFTNxPCzSzZ2ZHaDj_Fj3Ug
- Other: https://supay.darkroom.com
Image Credits
Underneath the following photos: ind_11x17.jpg AND wiphala_11x17.jpg Please credit; In collaboration with Brooklyn Warmi