It is when our personal cards are thrown into the air that we have the possibility of placing them down in a way that works better for us. In fact, at times we are only open to change when this happens. We are forced to move forward when what seemed familiar no longer feels on solid ground. We get to that crossroads when the familiar path seems destined for more challenges, and then we are willing to step into the unknown.

One of my biggest challenges occurred when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I had just completed certificates in Executive Coaching and Organizational Consulting, and was excited about taking on this new role, and building my business in that direction. I was seeing a couple of coaching clients in addition to my private psychotherapy clients, and six months later came this life upending diagnosis. I was able to continue working in my psychotherapy practice, but I couldn’t do that, be a mom to my 12 and 17 year old daughters, and also try to build a new business.

I had been a columnist for many years, and love writing, and although I was happy to share any information with people, the thing I couldn’t do was tell the information repeatedly, so I started an email distribution list to convey what was happening with my diagnosis and treatment.  People started writing back, telling me they appreciated what I was saying, which started to include other observations about my life, and funny things that I thought or happened. People understood what their mother, cousin, or sister had gone through but not talked about. I was encouraged to get it into book form, and these series of emails eventually became my first book, Topic of Cancer: Riding the Waves of the Big C.

Because my treatment ran for a year and a half, I really had to put my Executive Coaching aside, and then when I was getting the book together, I had to make the decision to let the coaching go, because I couldn’t do everything. That’s always tough for me to do. I’m big on follow through, and it’s difficult for me to start something, and not finish it. I have learned that sometimes that’s the best thing to do.

And my biggest lesson throughout my triathlon of treatment (chemotherapy, surgery and radiation) was that it is not only okay to ask for help, but absolutely necessary. Because of some unusual and untimely deaths in my family while I was growing up, I had already learned the value of every day, to not take anything for granted, and to know that anything can happen at any time. This is very important, and shapes my life to this day, but through my treatment, there were times when I couldn’t drive, or cook, or do the things I love or need to do. I had to not only accept, but truly honor the help that comes in the form of meals, cleaning, foot rubs, hand me down hats to keep my little baldy head warm, and people visiting. My village was everything in terms of my recovery. And so was the writing, because that’s what kept it all moving through, and not getting stuck. If I was sad or freaked out, I wrote about it. If I thought something was ironic or funny or outrageous, I wrote about it.

There were so many times when I would sit at my computer, literally hovering over the SEND button, afraid that what I was saying was too much in some way: too personal, too intimate, too ridiculous, too zany, but I had committed to writing it all, and hitting that SEND button was crucial in staying true to myself. And I learned that people wanted to hear it! Even the silly puns and jokes that spilled out of me were a part of it all. So there were a number of lessons all wrapped up in that time of treatment.

I also knew that I needed to balance listening to myself, and what I needed, with what the professionals knew was usually best for people in my circumstances. It’s tricky. Thankfully, they share their expertise and knowledge of patterns and medical information, but only I can determine what is best for me at any given time. This carries through to so many areas. We need to listen to the advice from professionals, while not losing track of our individuality and self knowledge. It takes some practice but is always relevant and useful.

All that said, I would still say that my road has been smoother than many. There have been other challenges, but I was born to a family that loved me, always had food, shelter, and support to do most of the things I wanted to do, and that’s a huge leg up for anyone. I was drawn to sports like skiing and horseback riding, which scared my musician father because he was afraid I would hurt my hands. (I played piano and violin). I was clearly not a professional musician and was not worried about hurting myself, partly a tribute to my youth, and partly just noting how much I was drawn to adventure of many types.The losses of my uncle, my mother’s cousin and the life altering injuries sustained by my own cousins which all happened during my adolescence were also challenging, but most of us experience some kind of losses as we grow up. Mine were more acute and extreme in some ways.

But I enjoyed school, and sports and my friends, so there was a lot that went smoothly for me, while I could see by my sister’s experience that this was not the case for everyone. I appreciated what I was able to do the things that came naturally, and how that allowed me to take on academic as well as other challenges.

I am passionate about music, and have now joined an adult glee club, which has been a blast. I sang in choruses through college and beyond, but it’s so fun to get back to singing with a group after so many years. And in such a fun way with great people. Dancing in my Zumba classes with my fellows Zumbalistas is always a blast and a necessary outlet.

I love biking and hiking, and have taken several trips centered around these activities. They’re the best! I’ve biked in Portugal, Nova Scotia, the Erie Canal, Denmark, and will bike from Amsterdam to Brugge this spring, and across Italy in the fall. I’ve hiked in Acadia many times, and also in Patagonia, Nepal and circumnavigated Mt Blanc on the Tour Mt Blanc hike. I love to ski, and never go enough in any given year, but I love to be out there in the mountains. I love to eat and try new foods and restaurants, go to shows, concerts, dance performances, and of course it is doing these things with my family and dear friends that puts it over the top.

Movies, reading, cooking, baking, there’s so much fun stuff out there. My challenge sometimes is that I can’t do it all at once. I have worked to remind myself that there is always enough time for the important things in our lives, and have a small painting with those words to use as a visual cue. I can get impatient about doing something I’m excited about and need to remember that I can’t do everything immediately.

And writing!! I love to capture the essence of a situation, the perspective of a person, or my own experience, and convey it to you, the reader. This is so deeply satisfying, and all my columns and blogs are about that in one way or another. I love to make people laugh, or see a situation in a different way, or appreciate raising the volume in their own voices. It is a treasure to get to know people from different places, and cultures, and learn about new ways of living life.

I love being in the air, and my husband and I took a hot air balloon ride 6 weeks after we started seeing each other because he loves it, too. The ocean has its own delights, but if I have to choose, I’m a mountain lassie.

And of course, I adore being with my animals, our two rescue dogs and one Maine Coon cat. They provide endless delight and fun, and I resist going to shelters because I’m afraid I’ll come home with more critters and we really cannot add any at this time. I seek out animals wherever they are, and notice them when walking on the street before I notice the people who might be accompanying them. Animals are our greatest and most gracious teachers and the charity groups know that it is a soft spot for me.

Evidently you have unleashed a vociferous beast by asking about what makes me happy.

I’m so proud of both of my highly rated books and you can find them along with many lovely reviews on Amazon or at my website: http://www.MegStafford.com as well as many of my columns in the blog or interviews and guest podcasts in the media section there. You can also go straight to my latest book at http://www.WhoWillAccompanyYou.com.

Instagram:@megstafford2183 LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/meg-stafford-5568b714  I have found that I also delight in reviewing events and performances and if you are interested in having me write one for your event, let me know!

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