We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Matthew Kane a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Alright, Matthew thanks for taking the time to share your stories and insights with us today. We’d love to hear stories from your time in school/training/etc.
My master’s program was some of the most difficult years of my life. I had lost my identity as an athlete, which kept me grounded, gave me purpose and connection. I was in an unhealthy relationship that ended in a painful split. I was in a new city, with no money, no car, no friends and no purpose. I remember going to classes the first year completely removed from my body and so anxious I often had trouble speaking in class as I would constantly forget what I wanted to say and be left feeling embarrassed. It wasn’t until I started therapy for the first time in my life that same year that I began a journey of healing, which I’m still on, that I needed my whole life. “Matt, you’re grieving,” said my therapist. I paused, looked at her, and it all made sense. All that time I was running and didn’t even realize it. That was when I learned to sit.
A story about mentorship:
In 2018 I was applying to PhD programs. I was offered a position at University of Kansas’ Counseling Psychology program under Dr. Brian Cole’s lab. I’ll never forget the day I called him to update him on my current situation. I told him, while I stood outside my supervisor’s office in an affluent mostly white New Jersey town, that I was unsure what to do. I was just offered an assistantship by one of the schools I applied to which would fund the entirety of my PhD. Whereas he could only guarantee the first two years of funding. He listened to my situation and rather than give me a sales pitch he said words I can still hear through the phone today. “Matt, that’s wonderful news, I think you should really consider that.” He went on to share with me his personal experiences of navigating school and finances, in addition to reiterating that yes he would love to have me, and at the same time he wanted me to make the right decision for me. As a black man, it meant a lot to me that he, a white man, went against the dynamic I was accustomed to where white men commodify and exploit black men. It wasn’t about winning me over, it was about me winning for me. This became the person I trusted to learn from… 5 years later I look back, and I never did get those last few years paid for; however, I do not regret my decision one bit. I did what was right for me.
Awesome – so before we get into the rest of our questions, can you briefly introduce yourself to our readers.
I’m Dr. Matthew L. Kane, I have my master’s in Marriage and Family therapy and a PhD in Counseling Psychology and see clients in person or virtually in the state of Pennsylvania. A mentor from my undergraduate degree once told me that he thought being a therapist was “a calling.” I always that that was dope, in part because it felt like my phone was ringing off the hook, haha. But in truth, this field called to me not just because the curiosity and desire I had for the material, rather my then unconscious, yet visceral, need to heal myself. As far as becoming a therapist, now that is a privilege. I think being a therapist is about walking with clients towards their liberation. It’s continually taking up the honor of being invited into someone else’s world and going from stranger to confidant. It’s constantly allowing yourself to both learn as much as you can, while not purchasing the idea that you “know” anything. It’s approaching the most difficult of situations, not with swords, but with compassion, which can soft and refreshing or fierce and out of love.
I place compassion at the core of my work. It is my belief that there are no wrong feelings, and my continual hope is to work with clients to build a safe space where we can sit in the discovery of our authentic selves and be able to walk alongside each other toward your goals.
Additionally, I find social justice to be an inescapably interwoven piece of our work as therapists. Because of this, I practice acknowledging the presence and impact of various systems in your life, while mindfully listening to what you believe can be helpful in your journey towards liberation.
I see a variety of clients, while additionally holding specialization in relational health, self compassion and men/masculinity.
I provide a number of services in addition to therapy including consultation, speaking engagements and writings.
We’d love to hear a story of resilience from your journey.
This is probably superrrrr odd, but I’m also odd so I’m going to roll with it haha. This is an excerpt from a book I wrote. I included it because this is the most palpable example I can think of.
“Sometime in the summer of 2020, I couldn’t tell you when, but I decided to get funky. Quarantine was in full swing, and people of my skin color were being murdered so regularly that my morning news felt predictable: someone Black died, and some White people, with an infrequent “token Black,” were arguing over whether they should have died and whether their death was somehow justified. I was so fed up; I needed a moment of freedom filled with joy. So I danced. I remember walking out of my cramped bedroom and into the dining room, with hard wood floors perfect for sliding. I plugging my phone into the house stereo, opened up my soul music playlist, and did what any self-respecting person would do next by turning the volume up to max. The beat dropped right into my gut, and spread through my body, until I took shape. Led by the rhythm of James Brown’s “The Payback,” my two-step took me to the kitchen where I popped the top to a bottle of red. It was Apothic Red, which was just within a graduate student budget but still a taste Marley would be proud of. I got my groove on in the dining room to Aretha Franklin, Chaka Khan, Prince, and Lou Rawls, to name a few. Knowing I can’t sing, and my mouth wide open no doubt failing to hit Lou’s baritone, I thought to myself, “It’s a good thing the volume is all the way up, I sound just like him.” I can’t remember how many songs I listened to by then, but at some point the table in the middle of the room was pushed out the way to make room for my attempt, though not the first in my life, to learn the Michael Jackson “Thriller” dance. Clearly visible through the French doors, my inhibitions rocked along to the beat as my demeanor said, “Passersby be damned, I’mma keep doing me.” Candidly, I don’t even remember if my roommates were home, and I really didn’t care. By this point they were used to me, and I like to think they knew I needed this moment. The time was still, and filled with my smiles and laughs, as I forgot about the world for a brief moment . . . ”
What’s a lesson you had to unlearn and what’s the backstory?
The idea that therapists cannot make “good money”. There is still an idea both within and outside our field that we as clinicians shouldn’t and or won’t do financially well. I’ve noticed that it is so powerful we (myself included) may feel undeserving if we make money. This sometimes leads to clinicians being taken advantage of by individuals or systems who will want to pull on their heart strings saying, “no we can’t pay you more, but you’re not in this for the money… right?” I used to work in a for-profit reentry company like this, that wanted me to clip my wings, finish my masters and keep getting paid $17 an hour to be the head of a department. All while knowing it is a multi-billion-dollar company. I say that to say this, DO NOT LET THEM USE YOU, they will try!
I truly believe in what I do and how I was trained to do it. Further, it is wrapped in the values of compassion, equity, and growth which mentors have spent their time teaching me how to additionall
Contact Info:
- Website: findingexhale.com; dtownpsych.com
- Instagram: findingexhale
- Linkedin: Dr. Matthew L. Kane, PhD
- Other: Book: Walk with Me: Stories of Black Men’s Resilience and Well-being through Twin-Pandemics https://www.amazon.com/Walk-Me-Resilience-Well-being-Twin-Pandemics/dp/B0CG7VFVF5/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2NOSEIZXMC5YS&keywords=walk+with+me+matthew+kane&qid=1700606929&sprefix=walk+with+me+matt%2Caps%2C94&sr=8-1
Image Credits
for last image credit College is Fine Everything’s Fine podcast, Liz Seidler and Dr. Sarah Olivo