Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Mary England. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Mary, thanks for taking the time to share your stories with us today Are you happier as a creative? Do you sometimes think about what it would be like to just have a regular job? Can you talk to us about how you think through these emotions?
What a loaded question! I mean, the motivation behind this is whether or not I’m fulfilled making money “non-traditionally”, and the answer to that is yes, absolutely.
I got a side job a few years after I started my business, and it wasn’t terrible, but it had to end because I realized two things.
The first was because I had been in the practice of being so deeply rooted in my values, as the nature of my job, I found it very difficult to interact with micromanagers and businesses run from a value of greed and lack of substance. This created interpersonal friction and irritation from both sides. I realized I would rather work for myself than for a person or a company that didn’t align with my values.
The second thing was I started to see exactly how much money I was making per hour at the side job compared to how much I could make per hour at my business. I realized I would rather risk making less dollars per hour consistently on a schedule if it meant I would gain back my freedom, energy, and control of my schedule. It inspired me to apply myself to my business even more because I knew I was taking the riskier route.
As far as the idea of being “happy” as a creative, I think the many creatives are likely to come to the table with a slightly higher than average emotional turbulence and trauma., which makes it more difficult to feel happy as a default setting. It’s one of the reasons we create. Not just because we have to, but because it actively works against our natural demeanor which might be more sad, frustrated, or overwhelmed.
That said, I think everyone struggles with inner demons. It’s one of main reasons I approach my job from a lens of mental health being a priority. I think it’s boring for us to have to keep disclaiming that we all “struggle”. It would be more interested to me if you somehow *didn’t*! Right?
I don’t think happiness is an easy thing. If it was we’d all be ecstatic. That’s why Merriment Making is a process and it has a lot to do with confronting fear.
Great, appreciate you sharing that with us. Before we ask you to share more of your insights, can you take a moment to introduce yourself and how you got to where you are today to our readers
I come from a background of having a dozen dazzling disorders (mental illnesses). I got my psychology degrees, worked for five years at a psychiatric rehab center, and quit to start my business, called Uncustomary.
My goal is to help people people who don’t want to grow up *all* the way. To help them love their bodies, their brain, and their choices. To embody joy, create joy, and go back out into the community to spread joy.
I created the title of Merriment Making because I didn’t think there was something that aptly described what I was doing at the time.
Like everyone else, I didn’t invent the wheel (except the person who invented the wheel). I draw on a multitude of modalities and put my own spin on it.
Those modalities include psychology, self-love, cognitive reframing, coaching, shadow work, gratitude, kindness, play, and art.
I put my own spin on these modalities is through celebrating, absurdity, street art, snail mail, and magic.
The logistical way this looks is through a number of different offerings:
A membership group called the Merriment Makers, where every month we discuss a new theme (Self-Love, Celebrating, Play) and you get 20+ resources as masterclass for that topic.
A weekly mission called Operation Merriment where we celebrate an unusual holiday with trivia, a DIY tutorial, ways to celebrate, and ways to go out in the world to be your own good news.
1:1 for coaching and the most catered and quickest results.
Live events in the community where we come together to spread kindness and celebrate bubbles.
Physical products to take with you including two different books I’ve written, workbooks, e-books, planners, postcards, stickers, grab bags, and a catalog of online courses.
My goal is to facilitate you noticing what is already available in YOU and YOUR LIFE. To remind you of the amazing potential that exists inside of you at every given moment. And to demonstrate to you why your perspective is valuable.
I want to get you out from behind your phone and out on the streets feeling joy and spreading it to others! Connecting and creating!
I’m less about “self-improvement” and more about Self-LOVE, Fun, and PLAY!
I’m here to help you change your relationship with life to “it’s uncomplicated” and pave the way for Radical Self-Love + Merriment on a Rainbow Brick Road!
Learning and unlearning are both critical parts of growth – can you share a story of a time when you had to unlearn a lesson?
I think anything we need to unlearn we need to consistently unlearn over and over for a very long time, possibly forever. This is to say, I am *still* unlearning that it doesn’t help me or anyone else to give unsolicited advice.
I know my intent is always to assist, help, and provide care. As a coach, someone who studies psychology, sociology, and ultimately just with how my brain is wired, I find it very easy to find solutions to (other people’s) problems.
However, I’m finding that not only is it a waste of time when I, or anyone else, shares advice when it is not asked for, it can come off as a criticism.
No one, including myself, will do something until they are ready to change. When someone is actually interested in creating a change, they will passionately research that topic themselves and seek out solutions.
If we tell someone to change, they change out of obligation, guilt, or shame. That change will last about as long as a fad diet lasts, and it will only create resentment within the relationship. EVEN IF we don’t think we’re telling someone to change because we think they’re wrong, bad, or stupid and our intentions are good!
A great example is practicing self-love. Self-love has become all the rage, but if someone tells you that you NEED to start loving yourself, and you’re not ready, it’s not going to stick. It’s just another chore. You can not hate or shame yourself into loving yourself and you certainly can’t do it in order to avoid a fight with a partner, parent, or psychologist.
So I continue to do my best to pause before I speak. It is very, very, very difficult for me. I need to apologize often. I also need to delete posts on my personal social media and try to only post thoughts on my podcast or business accounts. I figure that way people have deliberately signed up to hear my thoughts. It’s as consensual as it can be because it’s coming from Uncustomary, not your friend Mary.
All we can do is be clear with what our boundaries are within the realms of our personal relationships. “If X doesn’t happen then I can’t do Y.” That circumstance might be or eventually lead to a reevaluation of a relationship. But giving an ultimatum about a person needing to change is a toxic behavior that we find okay to do because we know our “intent is good”, but find unacceptable to receive because we only see the action and how it makes us feel.
This is an active learning process for me. In the scheme of learning I might only be at 1% loading. And if you feel this is you too, I feel you.
My honesty about where I’m at in my personal development is something that might make me a little different than other teachers as well.
What do you think is the goal or mission that drives your creative journey?
I want to create more Merriment Makers.
I think often people become really precious and possessive about their business, tagline, or creative projects in a way where they don’t want to “share” the idea.
Of course I want people to credit me where possible, but I’m fully aware that I don’t own any of the ideas I’m discussing. There are only so many thoughts and ideas we can swirl together.
More to the point, I WANT people to copy this idea. My goal is to get people on the ship I’ve named Merriment Making so they can FEEL good then SPREAD good. The more we feel good, the more we spread good. It’s self-fulfilling, and we need all the perspectives, voices, and passions on board.
That’s why I make it the easiest I can for people. I write out curriculums, break kindness missions down into 5 steps or less, and provide consistent opportunities for creativity and connection.
All you have to do is enter the Uncustomary Universe. We’re waiting to welcome you.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://uncustomary.org/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/merrimentmaker/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/uncustomary
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvcgrClq0EJ8rb6or7cmKFw
Image Credits
Maura Housley