We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Marie Feltio. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Marie below.
Marie, appreciate you joining us today. Do you think your parents have had a meaningful impact on you and your journey?
I was raised by a strong, beautiful, and hardworking single mother of three, and grew up living in the New York City Public Housing Authority system. My mother worked two jobs and went to school at night (to become an RN) without any support from our fathers or extended family. For context, my mother was a ward of the state as she was left in the hospital by her birth mother at 3 days old. Everything my mother achieved in her life was truly based on her merit and bravery in breaking the generational curses of poverty and mental illness that have plagued my maternal family for decades. My mother never complained about how she was abandoned or how her siblings and own mother shunned her; in public and private. My mother stressed the importance of mental health and was a mental health advocate during a time (80s-90s) when those types of discussions were not being had. My mother always stressed that our maternal family along with many members of our community were struggling with mental health illness; inclusive of substance abuse. She always stressed empathy, and forgiveness and modeled compassion. One story that often sticks out to me (and essentially leads me to therapy) was when I was 8 years old. My mother and I were walking by a community center in our neighborhood and a former neighbor walked up to greet her. As the gentlemen came closer, I could feel the glares and hear the whispers of judgment from passerbyers, yet, my mom greeted him warmly, hugged him, walked him to our building, and even sent my eldest brother down with a plate of food for him. I recall asking my mom why she would give our food away (when we were barely surviving on the benefits we were receiving), and why she would entertain someone “who smells and is dirty”. My mother turned to me with a look of seriousness that surpassed words, and stated that as a community “we may all be in the same ocean, but we are not all in the same types of vessels”. She stated that we are responsible for loving, caring for another, and paying it forward for someone else whenever we can because “everyone needs a chance, and I would not be here today had someone not seen me and recognized that I deserved a chance to thrive”. Even though life gave my mother more than enough reasons to quit, she always instilled in us that life may not always be fair, yet, it is a priceless gift best used when we pursue our deepest desires and dreams even when it gets hard. I watched as my mother, “ward of the state”, “orphan”, ” black sheep” and “single mother of 3”, “welfare recipient” ( labels projected onto her by family members whose ignorance did not want her to break the generational cycles plaguing our family) work two full-time jobs, earn her degree in nursing and continue to pursue her passions (community advocacy, soup kitchens and workshops on wellness), until her fight with cancer ended; three days after my 10th birthday. My mother modeled perseverance, humility, consistency, and a high moral and ethical system, and she is hands down one of the most empathetic and giving individuals I have met; thus far in this lifetime. My mother’s life lessons and her actions reflecting those lessons truly made me realize even as I navigated the New York City foster care system, even when my siblings and I were separated; that we still deserved to thrive rather than survive. Her words and actions reminded me that I too could pursue my dream of helping others. My mother’s dream that we would pursue life with zeal despite the obstacles faced carried me spiritually and emotionally on many nights in cold group homes, and inevitably is what led me to apply for 4-year universities; even when others including case workers told me that “you should start small, you don’t have anyone in this life and college will be hard”. I have always carried that memory of my mom and our former neighbor (among many others) in my mind throughout my undergraduate programs, graduate program, and in my professional career. My mother’s lived experiences coupled with her ability to see people beyond their circumstances, needs, and traumas have guided my professional training and my personal life as a mother and mentor to others. My mother is the reason why I practice today and above all else, she is my hero who introduced me to my purpose; simply leading by example and fulfilling her purpose until her last breath.
Marie, before we move on to more of these sorts of questions, can you take some time to bring our readers up to speed on you and what you do?
I am a New York native who loves music, dance, wellness podcasts, reading, mentoring, coaching, and being a mommy of two beautiful young queens. Throughout my professional career, the focal point of my work has been to support the mental health needs of marginalized and disenfranchised populations across New York City (and one day our country) in navigating the following challenges: intergenerational traumas, immigration, abuse, neglect and abandonment, homelessness, gender and racial discrimination, intersectionality, trauma disorders, grief, anxiety, substance abuse disorders, and depression. I have a sincere passion for positive mental health holistic practices, empowering clients to see the power of their respective voices, fostering authentic therapeutic alliances, and reintroducing my clients to their autonomy. My approach to therapy is integrative in that the techniques and methods used in my practice are based on the individual needs and goals of the client. One of my main goals is to create a supportive, non-judgmental, and brave space where clients can reset to focus on their strengths to thrive towards overall wellness; versus simply surviving. I am also a Professional School Counselor for middle school students in the South Bronx and in this part of my work, my focus is to encourage and introduce students to their agency, and autonomy while supporting families in ensuring that their student/s (our future global leaders) are receiving whatever tools needed to be successful inside and outside of the classroom #21stCenturyLeaders
Training and knowledge matter of course, but beyond that what do you think matters most in terms of succeeding in your field?
I believe what can ensure success for professionals in my field is their respective passion for the work and desire to continue to grow and learn; inside and outside the therapeutic space. One must genuinely have a passion (commitment) for helping others, and enjoy the work because unlike in other fields, very rarely does one experience instant gratification from work done in the therapeutic space. Within our field, the therapeutic alliance requires time, trust, consistency, patience, and empathy, which means that every session with a client or student will not necessarily be a “breakthrough” session. Therefore those entering or currently in the field must be committed to helping others rise above adversity; for the sake of the wellness of that client, not our ego. If you are, then it is an indication that you are already successful because you are choosing to invest in your clients, in a way that some may have never experienced before #PAYITFORWARD
Even after completing a CACREP program, and gaining licensure in whatever state you practice, successful clinicians in our field understand the value of continuous professional learning, consultation, and self-reflection as a therapist and an individual. By consulting with others (mentors, former supervisors, colleagues, personal therapist) outside of the therapeutic space, clinicians only enhance the opportunities for our clients ( or students) to reach their goals.
If you could go back, would you choose the same profession, specialty, etc.?
If I could go back, I would choose the same profession; over and over again. I firmly believe that my profession and related specialties were designed for me, from my development in my mother’s womb; although it took a special educator to introduce me to the official title. In my junior year of high school, I had a teacher named Mrs. Valentine who was well known in the school community for her love for literature and directness. I recall her helping me to write my college essay and my dismay at the lack of support that I was getting from the case workers in the group home. I distinctly remember her asking me “Marie, you want to help others, and you love watching people rise and overcome challenges, don’t you? It sounds like you want to be a guide on someone’s journey, the guide you have not had for a long time. You want to give to others what you should have been given after the loss of your mom. You would be an amazing therapist. You can do it, it is in you”. It was then that I realized the honor and duty professionals in the mental health field have in changing and shaping the lives of others. It became my mission to learn from the mistakes of those previous mental health professionals who failed me and couple that wisdom with my desire to help others; which feels ingrained in my DNA. In the words of my beautiful mother Juliana, I found that my “vessel” could be used as an anchor for others, and my field allows me to fulfill that purpose in a genuine and impactful way; one client or student at a time.
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Image Credits
Alex Polanco, David Patterson, Marie Feltio, Adbul Sulaiman