We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Margaux Underwood a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Alright, Margaux thanks for taking the time to share your stories and insights with us today. Can you open up about a risk you’ve taken – what it was like taking that risk, why you took the risk and how it turned out?

My whole adult life has been about taking risks; from living out of a school bus with my brother, moving across the country to be with a man I fell in love with, or deepening the work that I offer and increasing my rates in the process, it’s all a risk. Risk is about getting out of your comfort zone in order to expand your limits and potential; in order to reach greater heights, we must first descend into greater depths.

I mentioned a few risks briefly but the one I’m going to focus on here is the risk of deciding to be face-forward in the work that I provide. Face-forward, for those who need more understanding, means being known as your real identity and having the privilege to do so without (as much) societal backlash. I’ve been a sex worker for most of my career and at the beginning, I didn’t share my real name, but this all changed when I began feeling suffocated. Friends, family, strangers, would ask me what I did for work and I would always beat around the topic and answer with, “I’m a private chef”, because, at one time in my life, I was. Eventually, the desire to be seen and feel proud of my work became unbearable and I began to come out to the people in my life.

Coming out as a sex worker was one of the most difficult things I’d ever had the courage to do, but it was also one of the most liberating moments of my life. I no longer had to pretend to be someone I wasn’t, and I had opportunities to share with people about the work that I do and the lives that I change. The most challenging part of this decision was choosing love and acceptance for who I am. Before, I would search for approval from people when I told them about my work; I would wait for the compliments to roll in so that I could feel validated. But, the only people whose acceptance mattered to me at that time were my parents and siblings, and naturally, I didn’t get it.

Life showed me all this just to help me understand that external validation is short-lived; it’s the love that manifests for yourself from within–the acceptance, the pride, the gratitude, the courage–that’s the most powerful and the most sustainable.

Nowadays, I don’t consider my work as a sex work, because the offerings that I have cultivated go a bit deeper than what that term can encompass. I am once again, taking a risk and transitioning from sex work to more intimate journeys with people; journeys that, again, involve a lot of risk, but that what potentially waits on the other side is freedom, clarity, wholeness, inspiration, power, and love.

Risks are scary, but if I always stay in my comfort zone then, like a dam, my energy gets blocked and I become standing water. By removing the dam and allowing my water energy to flow freely, I find the nooks and crannies that I never knew existed; I understand myself more and more by walking through fire.

As always, we appreciate you sharing your insights and we’ve got a few more questions for you, but before we get to all of that can you take a minute to introduce yourself and give our readers some of your back background and context?

Gosh, it’s quite hard to pin me down in a few words. I guess I label myself as an Integrative Sexuality and Surrender Coach, but this label will always be evolving. I began this journey in the sexuality industry and integrated all of my different experiences, beliefs, and modalities into it to create my unique approach.

As of right now, I offer:

– Sacred Intimacy Journey
– Medicinal Shibari Journey
– Embodied & Somatic Sexuality Coaching
– Workshops & Private Lessons
– Performances

You’re probably like, whoa! What is all of that? Let me break it down a bit.

Sacred Intimacy Journeys are all about connecting the heart and the genitals; it’s about softening our ways with how we interact with ourselves and our partners. Within a sacred intimacy journey, you might find yourself feeling anxiety, fear, shame, doubt, or all of the above, but on the other side of all these emotions, you may find bliss, love, pride, courage, and ecstasy. These are slow journeys that allow for all of you to show up; there are no expectations, judgments, or priorities, there is only you and I traveling together to find a deeper way of cultivating intimacy. These sessions will include things like rituals, blessings, gentle rocking, sensual touch, sound healing, and worship of the vessels we occupy. A session might last 30 minutes, but it may also last 4 hours; it all just depends on what shows up and how we navigate that together.

My Medicinal Shibari Journeys are a bit different. Not only are we connecting the heart with the genitals, but we’re also inciting emotion through the use of rope. Shibari, or Kinbaku, is just another form of touch. It can be used to evoke eroticism, the inner child, mother, or father, it can evoke anger or grief, or nothing at all. Before a session, I introduce my clients to my philosophy of how the five elements live within and around us; each element represents different archetypes or emotions that are used to guide us through a session. The ties that I choose to do are never premeditated because I’m always listening to the client and following where their body wants to go. This is a truly transformative offering if you so choose it to be, but I want to emphasize that it doesn’t always have to be. If what comes up is nothing–zero, zilch–so be it. There is never an expectation and I will never claim to heal; it is always the client who chooses what shows up in a session and who chooses to heal themselves, and for that, I am humbled to have the opportunity to witness that transformation.

For my clients who are needing a more gradual approach to sexuality and change, I offer Embodied & Somatic Sexuality Coaching. Everyone has the option to choose whether they want it to solely be talk-based, or if they would like to introduce hands-on work into a session. Because I am the space holder and facilitator, I decide what kind of touch a client is ready for, whether it be to me or unto them. During a session, we will identify your goals, talk through potential approaches, create a sex coaching plan, offer emotional support, suggestions, and homework, I will maintain a motivating support role, offer tools and skills to explore and expand your current skill set, and then finally, provide hands-on opportunities to practice these techniques, with real-time feedback. The goal is to experience embodiment in a way that doesn’t shock the body. So often, we are in our heads and when we move our awareness into the body, it can be a bit overwhelming. This is why I am here; to guide you through this process and experience your embodied erotic potential.

I think, what I am most proud of is the ability to hold space and then be a witness to someone’s reclamation of power, beauty, shame, or ecstasy. I have one of the best jobs in the world because I get to see, in real-time, a client who chooses to trust in love, walk through the flames, and come out on the other side with more clarity, softness, awareness, and communication. I don’t know how I found myself here, but I am going to keep trusting the path and leaning into love.

Can you share a story from your journey that illustrates your resilience?

I could go on and on about how being a sex worker almost destroyed my entire career and education, but there is one instance that really tested me.

I’d created an onlyfans, and as most of you know, I’m not singing Christmas carols on that page! For about a year, there was a person who continually attempted to harass me, shut down my accounts, out me on my social medias, and ruin future opportunities for me. Finally, I had applied to the Sexual Health Alliance who is certifying me as a Sexuality and Intimacy Coach, and who also happens to be incredibly supportive of sex workers, and my “stalker” sent photos of my porn to the director of the organization.

At that point, I just about wanted to die. Okay, you’ve shut down my social media accounts, you’ve outed me on my real Facebook, you’ve lost me countless dollars, but then this happened; this person, hiding behind a screen, was trying to ruin my present and my future.

Immediately, the director of SHA reached out to me and provided me with resources and discourse on how to protect myself. They reassured me that this wouldn’t harm my acceptance into the program but at the end of the day, these people had seen me with a c*ck in my mouth and tears running down my face–how absolutely humiliating–and on top of that, I was going to see them in October for a conference.

Nevertheless, the support that I received from SHA was life-changing. I nearly gave up in that final moment; I was so tired of getting beaten down over and over.

I shared my story and a friend, who happens to be a computer wiz, was able to track down who all these fake accounts led up to; I was able to get through to the police who finally served a cease and desist.

People are scared of sexuality; it has an innate power to it that is incomprehensible until experienced. On one hand, I love being out about my work, and on the other, I face daily persecution. This is the path I chose, though, and I would never turn back.

Other than training/knowledge, what do you think is most helpful for succeeding in your field?

This is such a hard question to answer definitively because what I do is so incredibly fringe, technically grassroots, and there is no concrete “training” for what I offer.

If I had to choose a few, it would be as follows:

– Sexuality and Intimacy Coach + Consultant (in progress)
– BS in Psychology (with a possible MS) (in progress)
– Community Health Worker (completed)
– Shibari/Kinbaku (always in progress)
– Trauma-Informed or Crisis Management Care (potential)
– Somatic Experiencing Practitioner (potential)
– Shamanic Breathwork Minister (potential)
– Yoni and Lingam Massage (potential)
– Tantra (potential)
– Yoga Teacher Training (potential)

And any other embodied practice I can get my hands on.

The trainings listed above, some completed, some in progress, some a never-ending well of knowledge, and some a potential, all inform how I will show up in a session and how I decide what goes in the container, or what stays out. One of the best ways to be successful is by learning how others operate in a similar field and applying what you feel is relevant in the unique way that you do.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://coalescing.me
• Instagram: https://instagram.com/coalescentcoaching
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/margaux.underwood/
• Other: TikTok: ethicalsloot

Image Credits
So, the naked female in the photos are all me. All other models wish to remain anonymous.