Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Lyndsey Murray. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Lyndsey, looking forward to hearing all of your stories today. We’d love to hear about how you went about setting up your own practice and if you have any advice for professionals who might be considering starting their own?
I had to quit my full time steady job in order to make time to start my own practice, and it was one of the most nerve wracking times of my life because there’s never a guarantee that it will work out. I had to figure out how to market myself, how to create a website, and how to get clients. I also had to network with other professionals in the area to establish myself as a legitimate Sex Therapist in the area. The biggest challenge to overcome was my own self-doubt; I felt like an imposter for probably the first year and I don’t remember a lot of moments where I truly felt confident. Even with clients, I would have this sinking feeling that they’d eventually figure it out that I don’t know anything. Looking back, I knew a lot about my job and had a lot to offer, it was just such a new experience to be own my own that I was bracing myself for the possibility that I wouldn’t succeed. I don’t think I would have done anything differently because I was able to grow my practice successfully, but the advice I have for others is this: What you know right now is enough, and if you can get comfortable with the fact that you still have a lot to learn while you continue to give your services and expertise to others, the journey of launching your own practice will be less stressful. Also, make sure you have a good mentor through the process and seek out your own therapy as well!
As always, we appreciate you sharing your insights and we’ve got a few more questions for you, but before we get to all of that can you take a minute to introduce yourself and give our readers some of your back background and context?
I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, Couples Counselor, and Certified Sex Therapist. I received my Masters degree in Rehabilitation Counseling from The University of North Texas and that’s how I began getting into the field of counseling. I have been through some of my own treatment for sexual trauma and that was the start of my interested of becoming a sex therapist, and I finished my certification process last year. I work primarily with couples for sex therapy, and also specialize in neurodiverse couples.
I help couples build a more intimate connection, and sex is just one part of this. I also help them communicate better, rebuild trust, and navigate open relationship structures or kinks that they may be interested in trying. Regarding neurodiverse couples, I have several clients with ADHD or Autism and I do a lot of great work around helping couples understanding each other better through a neurodivergent lens.
What sets me apart from others is a combination of being a secular therapist, being sex-positive, and also my personality; I am very direct with clients, but also honest and vulnerable with them in my space because I want them to know that I’m not perfect and I’m also not the expert on their life – I can guide them and give my feedback, but ultimately I’m there to meet them where they are. I also have a good sense of humor and have many scenarios where I have laughed with clients which seems to ease the tension instead of having an expectations that my office is only for discussing problems.
What I’m most proud of is when I get feedback from clients that I’ve made them feel safe, and I’ve also helped them feel less shame. I am often the only person in someones life who knows how they identify sexually, with their gender, what their sexual experiences have been, and also what they’d like to be doing in their life and I don’t judge any of that. I want people to know that they have inherent value simply because they exist and I think clients can trust me with their vulnerability
What’s a lesson you had to unlearn and what’s the backstory?
A lesson I had to unlearn is that not everything is my fault. I know that may sound dramatic but in the early days of my business (and honestly, for a lot of my life) if something went wrong, my mind immediately went to “Okay, how did I mess this up and what’s wrong with me?” While I think self-awareness and reflection is important, I think I took it to an extreme where I would cause myself to get stuck. If a client ghosted me, I’d spend days obsessing over what I said, what I should have done differently, how I let them down, what training I should have known, etc. to the point where I’d doubt myself and remain unable to move forward. I had a lot of time with my mentors and own personal therapist to realize I have a core belief from childhood that I myself am a burden, and am to blame for if something goes wrong (which isn’t true, but is a feeling I held on to for a lot time). Unlearning this core belief opened me up to a lot of self-compassion and when I have compassion for myself, I do a better job at considering what evidence I have, and decide how to shift in a better direction should I be doing something that has a negative impact. It’s really been life changing.
If you could go back, would you choose the same profession, specialty, etc.?
I would. I never thought I’d end up here, but I truly am so passionate about what I do and I also love working for myself! I love helping people, I love my clients, and I love getting to continue my knowledge and experience in this field.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.relationshipmatterstx.com
- Instagram: @lyndseymurraycst
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sextherapywithlyndsey/photos/?ref=page_internal&paipv=0&eav=AfYR2RJgJHilBJEKejSAMqNIOFv-SDKeY1HewmkhFOyWB7iph6ZeR8zA7zITLuZN0W0&_rdr
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lyndseymurraycst/
- Twitter: @lyndsmurraycst
Image Credits
Tiffany Hopwood