We recently connected with Lyndsey Fraser and have shared our conversation below.

Hi Lyndsey, thanks for joining us today. Was there a defining moment in your professional career? A moment that changed the trajectory of your career?

The defining moment in my professional career was when I enrolled in graduate school to become a Marriage and Family Therapist.

Prior to this moment much of my life “just happened”. I did all that I was “supposed” to do, although lacking direction and a plan. I floated through each step society, history, family, and culture laid in front of me. I graduated high school at 17 and had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I enrolled in college and pursued a psychology degree because it was the “versatile one” that many adults had suggested to me. I didn’t stop to think of what I wanted to do or who I wanted to be. I continued down the path of least resistance. Upon graduating college, I applied to every social service agency that was hiring. I threw my resume out indiscriminately, just hoping someone would find me qualified to work for them. I took the first job offered to me, even though many others had asked to interview me. At the time I didn’t realize I had a very important decision to make. I didn’t ask myself once if this was the job I wanted.

My first job out of college was working in an Adult Foster Care home for men who had Severe and Persistent Mental Illness (SPMI). I cooked meals, administered meds, and ran a house for these men with other colleagues. We provided close to a family experience for these men who could not live on their own. After a few years of working in this home I transitioned into mental health case management. It was the next box to check and an easy one within the same company. Again, I never stopped to ask myself what I wanted or who I wanted to be. After a few years as a mental health case manager, I became overwhelmed. My job consisted of clients that would call several times a day needing support, sitting in emergency room lobbies with clients who were suicidal, and going to clients’ homes to watch them take their medications as they screamed “go away” at me. I was emotionally overloaded and spent. I knew these clients were doing the best they could with their situations, but I didn’t know how much longer I could carry the emotional burden. So, I took another case management job working with individuals with physical disabilities on the Community Alternatives for Disabled Individuals Program. The job was less emotionally taxing, but I faced clients who were medically fragile and many of them died while under care. I was again emotionally exhausted from dealing with the experience of loss. After four years in this role, I felt professionally stuck and unsure what to do. I had done everything I was “supposed to” and didn’t end up in the right place. I was underpaid, overworked, and I was becoming resentful. I was in the role of helping people yet somehow my work was making me miserable. Shouldn’t that have made me feel good? This is when I started my journey towards self-discovery.

Did I want to change career paths? Did I even know who I was? What will give me meaning in life and purpose in my work? I started thinking of the things I loved to do as potential career paths: photography, fashion, philosophy, and helping people. I met with professionals and educators. Then a friend mentioned a graduate program in psychotherapy. It was Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) program at the local university of St. Mary’s.

I met with the program director, she mentioned the university’s other psychotherapy program, Marriage and Family Therapy (LMFT). A spark went off as she described it. I was intrigued by the ideas behind marriage and family therapy. The philosophy is built upon the idea that all of us are affected by systems and cycles in our lives. If we are unaware of these systems and cycles, we cannot escape them. We unknowingly perpetuate cycles across generations. A marriage and family therapist helps clients recognize their situation and develop strategies to break the patterns that are not serving them. I said to myself THIS IS IT! This is the thing for me!

This has been the most fulfilling professional role in my life. It took about five years to get through graduate school and achieve my full licensure, but every moment was worth it! I get to help people and see develop the life they want to have. This shift has allowed me to be in a role that provides meaning and purpose. I now have an independent therapy practice specializing in relationships and sexuality utilizing the Enneagram. I am still challenged and excited with the work 11 years after starting my practice. This was certainly the work I was meant to do!

Awesome – so before we get into the rest of our questions, can you briefly introduce yourself to our readers.

I am a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist as well as a Certified Sex Therapist in South Minneapolis. Since 2011 I have had a small private practice where I specialize in relationships and sexuality utilizing the Enneagram. I am driven by a desire to make a difference in the lives of others and to positively impact the world. In my practice I offer individual and couple’s therapy. I also enjoy providing education and learning for those in the community through workshops, retreats, and presentations. I believe in cultivating growth and mastery within myself through the attainment of knowledge, expertise, skills, experience, and self-reflection. My goal is to broaden the current view of sexuality, relationships, and the Enneagram in therapy. I do this with a holistic approach of the body, mind, heart, and spirit. I include the Enneagram in my work, as a system, to reflect on how humans have nine different ways of approaching the world. The Enneagram is a tool to discover our unconscious motivations and fixated beliefs around self, relationships, and sexuality. When we understand ourselves in more depth, we have a better understanding of our paths for growth and our unique challenges. My Enneagram work also includes being a founding member of the Enneagram and Sexuality Group. This is a group of therapists, coaches, and researchers who are studying and observing how the Enneagram type plays out in relationships and sexual expression. The group consists of several different enneagram types with a variety of educational backgrounds who meet bi-monthly. We bring a collective view of the topic to society through presentations and offerings.

I ended up becoming a marriage and family therapist after many years working in the social services industry. I was feeling stuck in my work. I was often frustrated and depleted. I saw social work as essential, but I wasn’t satisfied. My clients overall were maintaining or getting worse but rarely did anyone get better. I knew if continued in this field I was going to burn out. I decided to pursue a career in Marriage and Family Therapy where I could continue to help people create positive change and growth. My practicum placement was at an outpatient clinic for clients who did not have health insurance. I loved the outpatient experience and watching my clients thrive in the therapy process. I decided to open my own private practice after my practicum was completed. I observed a consistent theme around sexuality with my clients which led to me pursuing and completing a sex therapy certification. I want to provide the best care my clients and provide a space where anything can be discussed. My motto is “Who you are at your core matters and deserves to be seen by the world!”. I have become the holder of many stories through my practice, allowing others to feel seen and heard. I think we forget how impactful it is when someone just realizes that their existence matters. This September begins the twelfth year for my practice. I love it as much today as the day I started!

Can you tell us about what’s worked well for you in terms of growing your clientele?

One of the best ways to attract clients as a therapist and speaker is to find a niche that is authentic to YOU! Many therapists are afraid to specialize in one population when they start a practice. While you may initially attract a few less clients you are much more likely to attract the right clients. This leads to better outcomes for the client and a more rewarding experience for the provider. Over time all those positive outcomes become the basis of new business in the form of referrals.

I also keep a very small social media presence to reach a new audience. I have an Instagram page, Facebook business page, psychology today profile, and a website. Having videos of you speaking on your sites are very popular. People what to know who YOU are, beyond your education and years of experience! By having clips of yourself on these sites people can determine if they feel a connection with you. Stay passionate about your work and you will attract plenty of clients to you!

If you could go back in time, do you think you would have chosen a different profession or specialty?

I would not have done my path much differently. I needed the experience of a career that was not working for me. It gave me the courage to start my private practice and it continues to fill me with appreciation for work I do today. Overcoming this obstacle has been an inspiration for other areas of my life as well. We can only grow when we push ourselves out of our comfort zones.

Being a therapist is emotionally hard work but my prior career in social services prepared me for it. It helped me grow more compassion, empathy, and gratitude. With that experience I have developed a calm and peaceful environment for any issue that comes into my office. I wouldn’t be the therapist I am today without it!

Contact Info:

• Website: www.lyndseyfraser.com
• Instagram: @lyndseyfraserlmft
• Facebook: Lyndsey Fraser LMFT CST
• Linkedin: Lyndsey Fraser, MA, LMFT, CST

Image Credits
Jessiena Lake https://www.jessienalake.com/