We were lucky to catch up with Liz Merrill recently and have shared our conversation below.

Alright, Liz thanks for taking the time to share your stories and insights with us today. We’d love to hear about the best advice you’ve ever given to a client?

As a divorce mediator and high conflict divorce coach, I have people in every stage of the divorce process reaching out to me. Sometimes people are at the very final stage and just need the last few things mediated, and some contact me before they even file: those are the people that I am best able to help.

It’s never easy to come to the conclusion that you need to divorce – it’s not something you ever plan and look forward to doing! Most people have never gone through a divorce themselves, though they may have seen friends or family members experience one. They’ve seen it in the movies and on TV. They’ve heard horror stories about shark lawyers, losing custody of the children, being taken to the cleaners, the battle with the narcissist ex.

In other words: it’s very easy to get freaked out, scared, and angry. There’s a lot at stake. There’s a reason divorce is right up there with the death of a loved one, in terms of the most stressful events in a person’s life.

So my best advice to ANYone who is going through a divorce, whether it’s amicable or high conflict, is don’t do this alone. You absolutely should not suffer this alone. You will need all kinds of different support as you navigate this death. That’s right I said death! Divorce is really the death of a mutual dream you and your spouse (and often family) had. You are going to experience all the stages of grief you go through during a death.

So get the support of your friends and family – find your inner circle of ride-or-die people who will stand by you, listen to you cry, and help you get a grip when you need it. Reach out to an actual divorce support group as well – a supportive group of people and professionals who have experienced divorce are going to be able to offer you new perspectives and a deep connection with the feelings you are experiencing in real time.

And for goodness sake, talk to divorce professionals. If you need more emotional help than your friends can provide (which is often the case), talk to a good therapist. If you have financial fears and questions, talk to a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) – they can help you analyze and see things in the numbers that you (or your attorney) may miss. If you need legal support, find an attorney whose outlook and values align with yours.

In other words, don’t take legal or financial advice from a friend!

So, when someone contacts me before they file, I get to tell them all of this. I help them evaluate their situation and decide what kind of professional they should be talking to. I refer them to resources that will help fortify them with knowledge, strength, and support. If a coaching client needs to start gathering financial documentation or document patterns of abuse before they file, I’ll help them with that. If a couple comes to me to learn about the different ways to approach divorce (because of course it’s not “one size fits all”), we can evaluate whether they need attorneys, or just a good mediator to help them stay regulated and out of conflict.

Look, divorce sucks. But it can suck a lot less if you have a team of people early on whom you can rely on to help you stay regulated, and make wise, informed decisions.

Liz, before we move on to more of these sorts of questions, can you take some time to bring our readers up to speed on you and what you do?

If you’ve gone through a divorce – especially if kids were involved – you probably had to go to mediation. I did, years ago. I knew when I filed that it was going to be what you’d call a “high conflict” divorce, but I also felt that with the right professionals, we could navigate it like adults, avoid court, and protect our kids from the fallout. Boy was I wrong. And the moment I realized how wrong I was was during mediation, which I really thought was going to be the process that brought everything to a satisfactory conclusion. Instead, it was a very expensive process that only served to further divide us and did nothing to move the needle forward. Unfortunately, that is the experience many divorcing couples have during mediation.
So when I found myself on the other side of the divorce, a single mother of 3 girls, I had to take a good hard look at my career path, my finances, my goals, and my values. I knew that continuing my life as a freelance orchestral oboist wasn’t sustainable financially or practically. I had a limited amount of alimony and child support, but I also had the opportunity to reinvent myself. And even though my own divorce mediation experience was actually traumatizing, I recognized how powerful an opportunity it could have been.
So I decided to change horses midstream. I took out a loan and got the training I needed to become certified as a mediator. I took workshops at the Larimer County Small Business Development Center and classes in digital marketing and graphic design, and started working as a volunteer mediator with small claims and civil courts in Larimer, Boulder, and Denver Counties. I also kept freelancing in orchestras across Colorado and teaching oboe lessons, and boy did I put A LOT of miles on my car!
Because my own divorce had been so litigious, expensive, and high-conflict, I got to see firsthand how badly equipped many divorce professionals are to manage the specific needs of people in high-conflict relationships. And during that time I saw a huge need for a holistic approach to divorce mediation that includes non-violent communication skills, managing trauma, and understanding how personality traits and disorders create high conflict in a divorce.
So I took the amazing listening skills I’d honed over decades of working as an orchestral musician and the experience of a transformative divorce and used them to help others overcome intense conflict. I went from being a musician to a mediator, a wife to a single mother of three. And now I work with individuals, couples, and teams who are struggling with high-conflict situations.
I started Open Space Mediation to help others navigate the anguish, stress, and anxiety that come with unmanaged conflict and unregulated emotions. I specialize in high-conflict situations and divorces where there is domestic violence or substance abuse, but I also work with couples who are reasonably amicable and want to avoid attorneys and court.
After working as a mediator for several years, I realized that it wasn’t just couples who needed support: I was getting calls every day from individuals who needed help navigating divorce. So I took out another loan and received extensive training to become a divorce coach with a high conflict specialization.
If you had asked me before I got divorced where I saw myself in 15 years, I would never have imagined saying what I can say now when someone asks me for my bio!
As a mediator, educator, and divorce coach, I specialize in helping individuals and couples navigate high conflict divorces involving narcissistic relationships and difficult personalities. Through my company Open Space Mediation, I provide clients with the tools they need to control the narrative and negotiate fair terms without the drama of endless court battles.
I’m also the author of Managing High-Conflict Dissolutions in Mediation and Court. My approach is holistic, drawing on her understanding of how the nervous system impacts psychological and physiological reactions to trauma, conflict, and anxiety. I know the unique challenges faced by people going through high conflict divorces, and collaborate closely with financial advisors, attorneys, and mediators to achieve the best possible outcomes for my clients. This approach saves clients tens of thousands of dollars, ensures fair parenting plans, and helps them avoid years of court challenges.

Any insights you can share with us about how you built up your social media presence?

I mentioned earlier that once I decided to start my own business, I started taking as many classes and workshops as I could find to learn how to be a successful business owner. And because of my new status as a “displaced homemaker”, the Larimer County Workforce Center gave me some grant money to put toward advancing my career and ability to bring in an income. Which I trotted right over to the Digital Workshop Center here in Fort Collins. There I learned digital marketing basics, among other things, which was one of the most helpful skills I gained during this ramp up period.

If you are just starting up your own business, I highly recommend investing some time working with local agencies such as the Workforce Development Center, the Small Business Development Center, and any other resources you have in your community whose job it is to help local small businesses thrive.

I also recommend getting very familiar with the social media platforms that make sense for your business. Not all of us (like me) love being on social media, but the rest of the world does and it’s one of the best, free ways of getting in front of potential clients. Create a Google Business profile and start posting there – doing that early on was one of the smartest things I did: I now have great reviews there and people of course love to see that.

If you aren’t SEO-savvy (like me), consider spending some money on hiring someone to do that for you. This too was one of the best things I did as a “beginner business owner”.

Building a social media presence takes time and consistent effort. It doesn’t happen overnight (for most people). I spend a lot of time posting and interacting on Facebook and Instagram; I also started a few Facebook groups, which was a good way to find and interact with potential clients. Once I learned how to use Canva and a social media scheduling platform, my life got a lot easier because I was able to bulk-create and post things on multiple platforms. And now that we have ChatGPT, there are a million different ways to streamline and create social media posts with AI.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.openspacemediation.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/openspacemediation/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/openspacemediation
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lizkmerrill/
• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@openspacemediation
• Other: https://www.meetup.com/open-space-divorce-support/ https://www.tiktok.com/@mycoloradodivorce