We caught up with the brilliant and insightful LittleDove (Hunja Pulba) Runningbear (Ooye Kapa’mum) a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Alright, LittleDove (Hunja Pulba) thanks for taking the time to share your stories and insights with us today. Has your work ever been misunderstood or mischaracterized?
Homa’ kani (greetings), thank you so much for taking the time to reach out and being interested in my story. I have to say that my work has often been both misunderstood and mischaracterized across many different fields. Most notably, my identity as an Indigenous woman is often missed entirely, or in worse cases even misconstrued due to lack of knowledge about Indigenous peoples’ and culture.
An easy example of how my identity often gets missed is simply the mischaracterization of my first name, LittleDove. I cannot count the number of times people have questioned if that is my real name, or if it is a “stage name.” It makes me sad when people ask, because it just shows how little people know about Indigenous cultures here in the U.S., including our traditional naming practices. My great-great grandmother Deerstine Starkey was a survivor of attempted genocide, boarding schools, and slavery of California Indian Peoples’. She was also one of the last speakers of our language, Nisenan, which is no longer spoken fluently or natively by anyone. She specifically chose the name “Hunja Pulba” for me, as an act of resistance and survivance. During her upbringing, Native Americans still did not have religious freedom, meaning we could be punished under U.S. law for having Native names, speaking our languages, or practicing our cultural beliefs (e.g. songs, dances, spirituality). We didn’t gain that freedom back until the passing of the Native American Religious Freedom Act of 1978. Deerstine wanted to heal some of these legacy’s of trauma, and I know she wanted me to be able to be authentically myself, without fear of retaliation, imprisonment, or even worse realities. My parents ended up naming me in English, “LittleDove RunningBear” in hopes that an English pronunciation would be easier and more accepted by others.
Unfortunately, while I know she had high hopes that things would be better for me, that just hasn’t always been true. I learned quickly during my upbringing that the broader United States culture still rejected and supported the erasure of Native American people, through harmful stereotypes, experiences of prejudice and bias, and sometimes a total lack of any representation all together. It creates a lot of cognitive dissonance to know you are not accepted or even seen on your own traditional lands. My name was legally changed to LittleDove Faith Rey in federal court in 2001, as a result of these realities. However, my tribal community has always been so supportive of me, including all my passions, dreams, and interests.
As a kid, I ended up having very diverse interests. Growing up poor, you appreciate all the small beautiful things in life. I learned about fashion from public libraries and book stores. I remember sitting in Barnes and Noble looking at Fruits Fashion Magazine which published photos of fashion trends in Harajuku, Japan. At the time I thought it must be such a beautiful life to wear whatever you want, to be accepted, and to be happy too. In my upbringing, I also leaned into video games and anime as an escape from the pain I experienced from intergenerational trauma, unhealthy and violent romantic relationships, and as a way to stay away from worse addictions or community-gang violence. Once my family started earning more money due to big dreams of creating a better future for me and my siblings, I got to start picking my own clothes from walmart and target for school, rather than receiving free clothes from the salvation army or wearing thrifted clothes from goodwill. I was always trying to push the lines with clothing and fashion, which only further lead to misunderstanding as a young Indigenous girl. I got categorized as a goth, emo, freak, among many other things. Yet whenever I was around my tribal community, they only spread love and encouraged me to dress and be how I wanted in the world. I remember hearing a meta message from my elders, that they will judge you whether you do or don’t, they will judge you for simply surviving— I remember that lesson.
As a Maidu and Miwok woman about to graduate with a Psy.D. in Clinical Psychology this summer, I can say today that I am just as often judged and miscategorized in the spaces I am in. Yet, whenever I am around other Indigenous peoples’ or in creative spaces I never feel that judgment. No one has ever heard of my people when I mention them because we are not in the history books and our culture is not represented in any popular culture spaces. California Tribal culture is very different from other American Indian Tribes in the U.S., and our culture is particularly underrepresented due to the attempted genocide of California Indian Peoples’. One day, I hope others know who my people are, that people speak my language again, and that I can proudly share my cultural practices with the world without fear of judgment, racism, or retaliation. Ultimately, I just want to be authentically me and help others to do that too.
LittleDove (Hunja Pulba), love having you share your insights with us. Before we ask you more questions, maybe you can take a moment to introduce yourself to our readers who might have missed our earlier conversations?
Of course! I am a Maidu (Nisenan) and Miwok woman from the Auburn Rancheria in California. It is a truly beautiful area, for those who have never explored Northern California. My tribes’ traditional homelands are the Sierra Nevada Foothills of California and historically spread into the Central Valley. Some of the towns you would recognize driving the I-80 would be Placervile, Grass Valley, Loomis, Lincoln, among others. Unfortunately, my tribal nation was greatly impacted by the colonization of California, so there are very few of us left.
I got into the field of mental health to try and solve the problems present in my own community, my own family, myself, and BIPOC people broadly. I come from a community-centered, community-made standpoint and so education was never truly for me. I pursued education as a way to give back to the communities that allowed me to survive and with hopes for a better future. If it were up to me, I always wanted to go to art school or to become a video game designer.
However, I realized that education was a powerful tool and by understanding Western methodologies, practices, and theories, I could better assist the communities in most need. Climbing from the bottom 1% of U.S. society to the top 1% of U.S. society is a tall order for a young, Indigenous woman. Yet, it has been clear that I am built with the strength of all the ancestors who came before. I always think about how their survival allowed me to attend school by choice, rather than force.
Unfortunately, through my training in psychology, I realized intimately that the field was founded on genocidal policies and practices firstly, and secondly that many of the theories and approaches are stolen from Indigenous cultures globally. One of the biggest truths I realized throughout my journey of higher education is that I have always known how to heal my people. It took earning a doctorate degree and being forced to accept and comply with what is or is not “healing” by people in power to understand the consequences of letting others define healing for us. A huge part of how I define healing is by connecting with the communities that are important to me on the ground and also finding my own happiness and survivance in a world that tried to kill my entire community off. Modeling, fashion, and art have always made me happy as an Indigenous woman, which includes efforts at language revitalization through traditional storytelling practices. Through being an Indigenous artist, I hope to demonstrate that Indigenous peoples’ are worthy, beautiful, and smart. Yet also, that we should be protected and celebrated in all our uniquities.
My intersectional work in psychology/mental health, traditional Indigenous practices, and modeling/artist work can be found across my Researchgate, twitter, youtube, twitch, and Instagram pages. All of these things are equally important to my existence and survivance. In the future, I hope to branch out into book writing, poetry, as well as continuing the language revitalization efforts that I have been working on with my Tribal Nation. Through this, I hope to find my happiness and success as an Indigenous woman in this world, and through that, begin to heal my people’s intergenerational trauma. Ultimately the goal of my life’s work is to be phenomenally, wildly Indigenous, which includes continuing to decolonize the spaces that I am in so that I can live my most authentic life, and so that future generations of my people can too.
Any resources you can share with us that might be helpful to other creatives?
I have always considered myself an Indigenous healer and practitioner, more than a future ‘psychologist.’ Ever since I was a child, people from my community told me that I was a healer and a creative spirit. You see the thing about Indigenous healing practices is that they look very different than western forms of healing. For example, singing, dancing, ceremony, and art are all important forms of healing for Indigenous peoples. As such, on top of my healing work, I am an artist across multiple industries. I am model, actress, designer, and most recently have begun to explore music. I believe that all of the tools artists use can be tools of healing and empowerment. Often, I think these tools are far more powerful than western, manualized approaches to healing and treatment.
My advice to other creatives is to know who you are, know what you stand for and to stay firmly grounded in your own unique values and worldviews. My creative journey has been entirely grounded in my own cultural upbringing with my Tribal community as well as my own unique personal interests and the hobbies/crafts that I have pursued along the way. There is no class on how to “be” a creative, or whatever that means in terms of U.S. socioeconomics or business. Every human has the ability to be a creative. I believe as an Indigenous woman, I was always going to be an artist and a healer, yet the business side of things has been harder to learn. I wish I had more knowledge of finances, economics, business practices, and the people I should consult with when I am uncertain. These are also things that are less commonly talked about in certain fields, psychology being one of them. However, I do know from lived experience that it is so important to have a team of people to surround and help you on the journey, as doing things alone is not only incredibly lonely. As an Indigenous woman living outside her tribal community, and as a fellow human who loves being around others and forming meaningful relationships with the people I meet, community support is invaluable.
Can you share a story from your journey that illustrates your resilience?
Being named LittleDove in a mostly white town was not easy. I started kindergarten early at age 4 years old due to my doctor and mom recognizing how smart I was, yet when I began attending public school I remember I was very quiet. I felt and knew that I was different from the others kids at my school and at the time, I did not understand why. I remember one day in kindergarten hearing that my older sister who attended the same school had gotten into a fight on the playground. I cannot remember all of the details, but I would never forget the feelings of confusion, defenselessness, and deep pain in my heart as to why that would have happened and why I was not allowed to leave my classroom to see if she was okay. I soon learned that lesson myself, when at around age 6 I was playing basketball with another young girl, she was from Europe. I was not good at basketball and I do not remember what I said or did, but she threw me into the brick wall and busted my lip open. At 6 years old, you do not know to cry yet from the pain of racism, so I just stood there with blood dripping down my face, confused at what had happened. When I got home to my mom, she was hysterical and kept asking why it happened, I remember feeling her panic, anger, and pain, yet I still could not answer the question of “why me.” These experiences continued until on March 13, 2001 my parents had my name legally changed in the supreme court to LittleDove Faith Rey. They added faith because I was born at Auburn Faith Hospital, and Rey is our colonized last name, it means King. They thought this name sounded more Christian, and many people think it is a Christian name. My dad worked extra jobs to afford to get me into a private Christian school, hoping it would be better there. Unfortunately, I would continue to be an outcast and rejected throughout every public educational system I was in.
By the time I entered the 7th grade, I hated school. So much so, that a counselor at my tribes’ school ordered tests from the state of California to see if I could skip the 8th grade. I passed the test, and dove straight into high school. At that point, the only thing that motivated me to attend school was knowing I might make a friend and that I could pick what I would wear. I remember the outfit I wore on the first day of High School in fall of 2009, it was all black, with a lolita cat headdress my mom had ordered me from ebay that I wanted really badly, and lots of chains, of course. I knew at that point they would judge, and I didn’t care anymore. High school was really challenging, as you may imagine. I did not make many friends and experienced significant and severe bullying. I spent my senior year crying in the bathroom at lunch every day, and I had to drop out of cheerleading due to several traumas occurring during high school.
Yet despite these challenges, exactly 10 years after leaving my tribal community to pursue higher education, I will be graduating from the PGSP-Stanford Psy.D. Consortium a joint program between Stanford School of Medicine, Department of Psychiatry & Behavioral Sciences and Palo Alto University this summer with a doctorate degree in Clinical Psychology.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Littledove-Rey
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/littledovedoll/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/itsdovemon
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/feed/
- Twitter: https://twitter.com/littledoverey
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrxRMjccG97KkdgIcee8CAA
- Other: Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/dovemon
Image Credits
ByBarbaraVe Michael Greco Via Donna Magazine Moevir Paris Stay.Kreative_