We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Lisa MM Butler a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Alright, Lisa MM thanks for taking the time to share your stories and insights with us today. Did you always know you wanted to pursue a creative or artistic career? When did you first know?

I am a transracial adoptee. When I was young…pre-K age, I looooooved to read and I loved to draw/color. I have vivid memories of lying prone, my sketch paper or coloring book spread out in front of me. As an adoptee though, I was always scanning the room for a way to make myself feel safe. I lived with a lot of fear as a child both because of my relinquishment and because of my Dad. My Dad, before I entered about middle school, was mean. He was an angry white man who didn’t want or enjoy children. I feared him. As a way to gain his favor…I stopped being an artist. He was the kind of person who gave great adulation to scientists and thinkers. I think art is part of my personal blueprint now, but for a long time, I ignored it.

Fast forward to 2020. I am 40 years old. I am quarantined due to covid. My Dad is no longer alive. And I begin to draw again. And draw. And draw. I got my artist groove back. Then George Floyd was murdered and I began to draw with a purpose…and this was the first time I knew I wanted to create art professionally. I began drawing and selling “postcards for justice,” which were political postcards that were meant to be sent to government officials, police departments, etc. I donated all the money I received from these postcards to various antiracist educators and organizations that supported the rights and safety of Black folks. I wasn’t able to continue doing Postcards for Justice…but I have used all the skills I learned during that time to support my current artistic path.

As always, we appreciate you sharing your insights and we’ve got a few more questions for you, but before we get to all of that can you take a minute to introduce yourself and give our readers some of your back background and context?

Hi! I’m Lisa MM Butler. I am a domestic, transracial adoptee that uses writing and drawing to explore how adoption and transracial adoption shaped my life. In 2023, I started a Substack and ‘brand’ around my identity in the adoptee community as ‘The Adoptee Clown.’ My Substack, ‘The Adoptee Clown Diaries’, shares essays and illustrations – in real time – as I unpack and unravel my adoption and relationship with whiteness.

My adoption is something that impacts every aspect of my life and my art. It is not often talked about in the broader society but adoptees have a higher risk for mental health issues like depression and anxiety, substance abuse, incarceration and suicide. These statistics were incredibly true for me and I have struggled with depression, anxiety and substance abuse for much of my life. Adoption robbed me of my identity and the blueprint for my self. When I create though, I feel better. When I feel completely hopeless or feel despair…I create and it helps. This is especially true if I create art that tells a story.

The first ‘brand’ that I started, in 2020, was “Postcards for Justice,” which were postcards I designed (think political cartoon) and drew that were meant to be sent to government officials, police departments, etc as a protest against the killing of Black folks by police. This issue felt so close to me – yet so isolating as a Black (biracial) woman raised in a white home. Even my also Black and adopted brother and I didn’t really talk about it. So I created! I created postcards with intentional images and it was the first time I created art that I was proud of. It felt like the first time my art represented me. It had meaning!

I followed up Postcards for Justice with Postcards for Delight. These were just fun and colorful designs I created for people to send “just for fun.” In 2020, we were all separated and feeling lonely due to covid quarantines. I wanted people to send joy through the mail! Brighten someone’s day! I even did a “Palentine” mailing (Valentine cards to pals with fun sayings on them) and a June Pride month mailing (attempted and succeeded in sending a Pride card to EVERY state in the union!) just as a way to spread joy and love.

I felt passionate about Postcards for Justice & Postcards for Delight…but I still hadn’t found my style…I was still searching for my voice. I think my work doing Postcards for Justice, however, was a really important part of my growth in my art. Intentionally creating postcards with a purpose showed me how art can be used to protest and tell a story. I learned a lot about social justice and the ways in which I can live a life with fuller meaning. It was, again, the first time I understood the power of art and creativity.

When I began to work on art as it relates to me and my adoption story, I also found a wonderful community of adoptees! I now volunteer on the board of VOICES, a BIPOC Adoptee community non-profit organization. As an organizer and board member for the organization, I have been connected to a supportive community that I think, helps my creativity flourish. Community building has been one of many healing modalities I have turned to as I process my emotional state and share my experiences. I am hoping I can help other adoptees feel seen and help the wider public understand what it’s like to be adopted. The narrative around adoption is one of positivity. A child needs a home, a family has love to give…win-win. The reality of adoption is much more complex and often darker.

Storytelling is really where my passion lies, I think…and I like to tell stories with words and pictures! I created ‘Clown Lisa’ as a character representation of myself when I am not really myself. I was Clown Lisa for most of my life and much of my art now shares the efforts I am making to reclaim the real Lisa. Recently, I’ve been making small 8-page zines related to my adoption, but also to my use of mental health meds, religious trauma and most important to me: zines sharing the life of my dear friend, Tamara Abu Dayer, who lives in Gaza. Tamara, like I was throughout my life, is being silenced. I relate to her struggle for autonomy and safety.

I share my words and images mainly on substack and Instagram. I hope to publish children’s picture books and a graphic memoir in the future!

We often hear about learning lessons – but just as important is unlearning lessons. Have you ever had to unlearn a lesson?

I had to unlearn the characteristics of white supremacy and essentially start to decolonize myself (still a work in progress and likely will be forever) in order to find my way back to my true self. My Dad, as I mentioned before, was a mean white guy. I really watched & observed my older sister, who is my parent’s biological child and almost 7 years older than me, to see what behaviors of hers my Dad admired. She excelled in athletics and academics and my Dad respected these efforts so, I modeled my behavior after hers. I valued winning, getting good grades and being the apple of my Dad’s eye. When he was proud, he was nice. He would, on occasion, celebrate my art or writing…if I won a contest. I really believed in perfectionism and academics the way whiteness does. I didn’t see art as being inherently valuable..until now. Now that I am engaging with and making art that tells a story or protests in some way…it has helped me reimagine the value. I had never let myself accept the inherent value in art. The value in creating…even just for me.

It’s hard to decolonize your life and it feels impossible when you are raised in a white family. My Dad strongly encouraged me to assimilate and not push back against the system. Each piece of art I make that represents me or a cause I am passionate about feels like I am making my way back to myself and getting closer to who I was meant to be. Being adopted stripped me of my identity and being transracially adopted made it hard to see around the veil of whiteness.

What do you think is the goal or mission that drives your creative journey?

Yes, the goal is to be me. Produce art I am proud of. Create in a way that feels authentic to my blueprint. My goal is to heal myself and tell stories that matter! And that includes my own story. I want to recognize that my story matters too. Living a life of depression and anxiety really stripped me of my ability to validate my own emotion and experiences. I often think my story is of less importance than others. I often assume the things I went through weren’t that bad compared to someone else. I am using my art and creativity to drive my healing and find myself. I am using my creativity to remind myself of my value and remind myself that my story matters too.

I am passionate about sharing my adoptee perspective. The narrative around adoption has been traditionally told by adoptive parents and agencies. I think our stories and experiences should come from our voices. The goal for me with most of my writing and illustrating is to share my lived experience as a transracially adopted individual. Our stories have the power to change the world. I really believe that, even if it’s corny!

Recently, I have been making zines that use my friend, Tamara’s, words. She is currently living through a genocide in Gaza, Palestine. She tells me things about her life and I share them in zine form. Many people have told me they had no idea how people in Gaza live. It feels really amazing to be able to help share Tamara’s story since she can’t right now due to her circumstances. She shares her words with me and I try to share them farther!

Contact Info:

• Website: https://butlerl.substack.com
• Instagram: @theadopteeclown
• Other: bipocadoptees.org (I am on board of organization and is very important work to me!)

Image Credits

Lisa MM Butler