We recently connected with Lilli Passero and have shared our conversation below.
Lilli, thanks for taking the time to share your stories with us today Can you open up about a risk you’ve taken – what it was like taking that risk, why you took the risk and how it turned out?
During the pandemic I was approached by a coaching company about vocal coaching for them. I thought it was bizarre and hilarious that anyone would reach out to me about that. My “Imposter Syndrome” was through the roof. I was also really broke and desperate for some financial independence. While my partner was lovingly and graciously supporting me at the time, I was reaching my breaking point of being able to accept it. So, in conjunction with my suffocating Imposter Syndrome, I tried negotiating with this company. “Maybe I could be a substitute? Or something?” They accepted, and that was that. Until I told my partner. He’s a total “go getter” type who says “No” to nothing. Definitely one of the things I love about him, until it’s mirroring my “I CAN’T I DON’T WANNA” fear based energy. So, I told him and he said (like the true marathon runner he is), “Just do it. What’s the worst that could happen?” Me: “I’ll be horrible and embarrassed.” Him (he’s also a teacher and professional kick ass musician): “I’m embarrassed every day, that’s part of teaching. You learn while they learn.” This back and forth went on for a while until finally I gave in and said, “Ugh. Fineeeeeeee.” I ended up learning a lot from that company (shout out I Heart My Voice) and ultimately went on to teach privately. It’s become one of my absolute favorite things. For so many reasons. And let me tell you, I NEVER EVER EVER EVERRRR thought I would be able to teach. After 4 years of teaching, the Imposter Syndrome still creeps in, but now I understand it better. It’s always telling me something like, “You’re in your head – be present.” Or “You’ve got more to learn, and that’s ok.” Or “You’re just having a bad day, shake it off.” And ultimately I’m just really grateful I took that risk and did the thing that TERRIFIED me.
As always, we appreciate you sharing your insights and we’ve got a few more questions for you, but before we get to all of that can you take a minute to introduce yourself and give our readers some of your back background and context?
I was born into a family of artists and entertainers. My dad’s mother, Mollie Klaff Passero, was a big band singer who sang with Louis Prima and Bunny Berigan under her stage name Marilyn Towne. She also had her own radio show. My mom’s mother, Florence, was a painter, art teacher, and art director for ad agencies. My parents are singers, actors, casting directors, writers, producers, and more. My younger sister is a fashion stylist and my older sister is a talent agent. I’ve been singing and performing since I could walk and talk. I did every show at school growing up. Every dance recital. Every choir concert. And then I got my BFA in Drama from Carnegie Mellon University. My dad started teaching acting when I was in high school and I remember thinking, I would never/could never do that. So it’s pretty amazing to me now that, in addition to being a performer, I’ve also become a coach/teacher. As a singer and actor, I feel I’m always exploring different versions of myself. There’s the lounge singer who gets to go back in time (channeling Grandma) with the great American songbook every Saturday at The Velvet Martini Lounge in LA. The singer / songwriter who turns her everyday questions into indie pop tunes. The soul singer who covered Carla Thomas, Brenda Holloway, and Amy Winehouse when she was on The Voice (and still does). I’ve always thought of myself as a chameleon. And being an actor on top of that gives me the freedom to dance in and out of many boxes and types. Constantly stretching and finding myself in all different kinds of stories.
As a coach and teacher, I feel so blessed to be able to make real use of all the experiences I’ve had. When I’m teaching, one of my favorite things to do with a student is to find the things they believe they cannot do, and then prove them wrong. Anyone with a voice can learn how to use it to its fullest capacity. And showing people how to do that is a wonderful feeling. Showing them that they can do more and are more capable than they believed themselves to be is a wildly expansive and rewarding thing to get to do.
What can society do to ensure an environment that’s helpful to artists and creatives?
This question intimidates the hell out of me because I am a chronic problem solver, over thinker, and people pleaser. One thing that comes to mind is supporting live music. You can do this by going to your favorite local bars, restaurants, coffee shops etc and letting them know you’d love if they had live music. And not just a set of covers (or if you want covers, invite the artists do it their way or mix it up with originals as well – there’s really very little creativity in playing someone else’s song exactly the way it was written), but original music and instrumental music, jams, and jazz trios as well. And if there are places you love that all ready have live music, let the musicians know you loved their take on that song, and let management know the live music is the reason you will be coming back. When you’re at an artist showcase at a venue, go up to each artist and engage with them (this one is tough for me as I can be terribly shy when around talented people – but we gotta do it!). Buy their merch and stream their music. Get on their mailing lists and let them know you’ll be at their next show. Sadly, in today’s economic ecosystem, you have to speak with your wallet. Either tip the musicians, or let management know that they are the reason you will come back. Musicians and creatives do not make enough income on Spotify/streaming services of the like, so it is so important to be vocal about your great experience to the management who took the risk to put it on in the first place. Let them know what they’re doing is great, and to keep doing it. Take this and copy and paste for all creative arenas. Visual artists, actors, writers, designers, and so on. Host an evening where each person shares something they’re working on and have discussions afterwards. Go to art shows and play readings and talk about what you saw/heard and how it made you feel. The more we encourage and engage with creatives, the better.
We often hear about learning lessons – but just as important is unlearning lessons. Have you ever had to unlearn a lesson?
Perfectionism is a waste of everything. If you want to get better at something, you have to do it. Period. And you can’t DO anything without messing up sometimes. This is not a novel idea. We’ve all heard the quotes and speeches from people with much more wisdom and life experience than I talk about this. And, this is something I’m still unlearning every day. Because even though I understand this to be true intellectually, my brain and body still react to failure and messing up with some kind of “fight, flight, or freeze” response. I shut down, or I spiral, or I anticipate the thing happening and catastrophize or whatever it may be. So it’s very challenging. Sometimes it’s more challenging than at other times. But it’s still completely challenging. Oftentimes for me, it takes a kind of exposure therapy to overcome the fear. Because simply by doing it and realizing that the world did not end and everything is somehow ok, even though you didn’t do something exactly the way you wanted to, you’re rewiring your brain. I’m gonna stop myself from going on and on about the experience of overcoming fear and just say that the world wants our messy. Especially creatively. I LOVE listening to, studying, watching my favorite artists early work and tracking their journey and evolution. So why deprive your future or current fans of that very experience?
Contact Info:
- Website: https://zez.am/lillipassero
- Instagram: instagram.com/lillipassero
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lillipasseroofficial
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@LilliPassero
Image Credits
pink floral top (Dakota Lee Stroud @dakotaleestroud)
black off the shoulder top with choker (Charly Shelton @RedDiskPhotography)
Red dress against white piano overlooking hollywood hills (Diana Feil @dianafeil_photography)