We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Lauren McKenzie a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Alright, Lauren thanks for taking the time to share your stories and insights with us today. Can you share a story about the kindest thing someone has done for you and why it mattered so much or was so meaningful to you?

The most kind thing another person has ever done for me was teaching me why kids misbehave.

For several years, our child had been extremely defiant, and I was having a terrible time getting him to cooperate. He would NOT comply with any request I made–even something as simple as putting on socks or brushing teeth. I was at a loss of how to help him to “get with the program.” He was making me late for work almost every day, and it was exhausting knowing that his every waking minute at home would feel like a tornado. Nothing about our relationship was easy.

To add insult to injury, I was a teacher at the time–and I already had a DECADE of experience. I should have known how to get a difficult child to cooperate. And not only was I dealing with my own challenging child at home… I was also dealing with *many* challenging students with difficult circumstances in my classroom.

Something had to give.

In God’s kindness, my husband (who is a licensed professional counselor supervisor specializing in children who have difficult behaviors due to trauma) started washing our family’s dinner dishes every evening.

As he would wash, I took the opportunity to “unload” my struggles on him. (Bless him for listening to my emotional vomit after he had listened to clients all day!!!) This went on for months… As we talked, he had the kindness to ask me questions that led me to understand *why* our son and my students were not cooperating.

Because I had no other options (I had long since exhausted every “teacher trick” I knew!), I started applying what he was teaching me at the kitchen sink.

Most would think it was a slow transformation, but it was not! Within 6 weeks, my life looked radically different!

I went from feeling constantly triggered and overwhelmed to being calm and purposeful in the ways I interacted with others.

I had the bandwidth to be creative in my work again.

We were on time for school–every day!

And best of all, my relationship with our son turned from a mess to a beautiful display of restoration.

My husband’s kindness in being empathetic and sharing his professional expertise completely changed not only our family’s life, but also my relationship with hundreds of students in my classroom. (I was a specialist and got to teach hundreds of students at a time in my content area!)

I’m so thankful for the ways Rhett gently guided me toward a different way of doing things, and I’m exceptionally thankful for the ways our family’s story is now bringing hope to others that they don’t have to stay stuck in chaos and overwhelm!

As always, we appreciate you sharing your insights and we’ve got a few more questions for you, but before we get to all of that can you take a minute to introduce yourself and give our readers some of your back background and context?

I’m a certified professional life coach who functions as an adult-child relationship strategist. Prior to working with families and organizations, I spent 16 years serving students and their families in the classroom.

My personal challenges with our own child and students in my classroom set me on a journey of learning and growth. Through that journey, I found HOPE! I also found practical strategies that can be applied with simplicity for grown ups who are emotionally worn out and tired of their struggles with their child wreaking havoc in every area of their life.

Using a proven framework, I show grown ups how to take control of their emotions and positively engage with their kids so they can gain cooperation, escape overwhelm, and show up as the best version of themselves.

The transformation clients experience when they’re working with me is different because it affects every part of their life! Restored relationships bring peace in every nook and cranny of your existence–home, work, community organizations, enjoying your neighbors, pursuing areas of interest, all of it! My favorite part is that what I teach clients about why kids misbehave is also true for adults! So, it’s common for clients to experience restored relationships that expand well beyond their child!

The most common ways for me to serve clients are through virtual coaching, digital resources, and speaking with groups and organizations. Whether someone is representing themselves, their family, or an organization, all of our work starts with a consultation so I can understand their story and unique circumstances and make a customized recommendation that will most quickly help them move from chaos toward calm.

It’s an honor to guide clients from chaos to calm and equip them with tools that will last long beyond the time we work together!

We’d love to hear a story of resilience from your journey.

The entire story I shared in a previous question about my broken relationship with our son is the absolute best example of resilience we could share that would encourage readers!

What’s a lesson you had to unlearn and what’s the backstory?

The most important thing I had to un-learn on my journey toward a restored relationship with our son (and my students) was that kids cooperation is earned by trust and cannot be demanded by a set of rules and regulations. Their cooperation is not implied simply because I’m the “grown up” in the situation.

It’s definitely important for us to help kids learn to be respectful toward others (and I do mean all people, regardless of age or any other discriminating factor). But it’s also important for us to *show* them how to be respectful by being respectful toward them in the way we elicit cooperation.

There is space for both high structure AND high nurture in our relationship with kids!

Contact Info:

• Website: https://winwithkids.co/connect
• Instagram: @laurenmckenziecoaching
• Facebook: @laurenmckenziecoaching
• Other: *I am not terribly active right now on social media. This is a goal I’m working toward. (Please don’t publish that goal!) The BEST way for people to connect with me and learn more about what I do is to visit the webpage I listed above. If they leave their information, they’ll get an e-mail from me that includes my phone number where they can text me! I love to connect with people in this way!

Image Credits
RJ Photography (only if you use the big headshot–the rest are mine)