We were lucky to catch up with Lani Buess recently and have shared our conversation below.

Alright, Lani thanks for taking the time to share your stories and insights with us today. Was there a moment in your career that meaningfully altered your trajectory? If so, we’d love to hear the backstory.

Back in 2015 I hit a serious rough patch. A real “there’s got to be more to life than this!” come-to-Jesus moment. I was down and felt a total lack of meaning and fulfillment in my life and job. I was full-on feeling “blah.” I had enough sense to know achieving more external stuff wasn’t truly satisfying whatever ailed me. I had to get right with my sense of self, instead. And I figured it was about time to tackle the lifelong social anxiety I was experiencing, too. You can only hide under the covers of life for so long. So, I began to meditate daily and practice self-hypnosis. Getting into the self-help world became a bit addictive. Soon I not only wanted to do inner work but also wanted to help others. I delved into studying hypnosis and neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) from various sought-after teachers. I became fascinated with learning how to bring unconscious processes to the conscious awareness to create change. One of my first guinea pigs, I mean practice clients, when I was early in my studying stage was my mom. My mom had a horrific fear of the ocean. She had a near drowning incident as a child when one of her brother’s dunked her head under the water. That fear stayed with her through adulthood. My dad would attempt to carry her out into the water and hold her to make her feel safe, but she’d kick her legs and scream. My mom is a Pisces—who hated the water. She even had a pool she never stepped inside of. I was aware of the contradiction of it all. I got curious if the tools I was learning could soften her sentiments towards ocean water. I had no clue if any of it would help. I remember the various insights my mom had during our session together, like knowing her brother had no intention of really drowning her and how she only felt scared AFTER she saw her mom’s terrified reaction at the scene. The useful reframes did the trick. Shortly after our work together my mom sent me a video to my Facebook messenger. The video was of my mom screaming—with laughter this time—while splashing around in the deep end of her pool in Florida. She was like a kid discovering ice cream for the first time. Her excitement was contagious; I was equally excited to see how happy she was. After that moment I thought, “There really IS something to this work!” That video remains a constant reminder to me as to why I do what I do. Thanks, mom.

Lani, before we move on to more of these sorts of questions, can you take some time to bring our readers up to speed on you and what you do?

I help professionals and creative entrepreneurs build confidence and self-esteem to get rid of “not good enough” feelings, self-doubts and the anxieties of Impostor Syndrome, so that they can grow and uplevel their career while balancing a fulfilling personal life.

My goal is for people to attain natural self-esteem and not some “fake it ’til you make it” artificial confidence. I help people become what they value. For instance, if someone values kindness but thinks they’re insensitive or critical, I help them transmute their real-life experiences to become someone who now identifies as a person who is kind. This type of change raises their self-esteem, or how they view themselves.

In short, I shift identity.

I guide my long-term 1-on-1 clients to transform what they value into components of their identity. Because I work in the realm of transforming qualities, the ripple effects of that type of work are endless. Transform the quality of Lovable and someone may bring an intimate relationship into their life, or they may completely alter their relationship to money. Transform the quality of Trusting and someone may be open to taking bolder moves in their business, or they may learn to be more discerning with others. Transform the quality of Capable and someone may more easily climb the corporate ladder to success, or they’ll finally acknowledge all of their lifelong accomplishments. When people aren’t living out their values what tends to follow is a lack of fulfillment, meaning and purpose. I guide people to remember what they’ve forgotten about themselves, so they can recognize how resourceful they really are and attain their desired goals.

From what I’ve seen, a lot of practitioners work in the area of behavior, like helping people to stop smoking or lose weight. All of which is really important work. From my own experience; however, effective identity change-work is rare. That’s why I’ve made this my specialty. I use a solid, consistent and tangible model that achieves identity change. And once you change who you believe yourself to be—the more effortless behavior change actually becomes.

I do this type of work because I needed it myself. I was well into my mid-20s believing I was a socially anxious person. It was how I identified. I was a loner growing up and became an isolated young adult, who would blow off friends’ invitations if large crowds were involved. I was learning lots of techniques to lessen anxiety and feel more at peace, but I couldn’t shake the idea I was anxious—as a person. We are often told that our behaviors don’t reflect who we are as people. I think we all “rationally” know this. Yet, it’s quite different to really deeply understand that on an emotional level. I craved to learn this difference at an inner knowing. I knew this required altering my perception of myself, so I could drop the “socially anxious person” label. When I learned to actually do that for myself, and really felt that change inside, a whole new world opened up. And I want others to experience the same.

Can you tell us about a time you’ve had to pivot?

I think many of us had to pivot during the pandemic.
Prior to Covid I was working at a shop in Hollywood, called Liberate Hollywood, offering my services. Like any practitioner, I was putting my time in. This required going from zero clients as a once-new staff member to becoming a trusted source with a growing clientele.
I remember thinking right before the pandemic hit how I was really making strides and enjoying my work.
Once COVID happened the world, as we all knew it, changed.
The shop, at that particular location, closed during that time–and eventually, permanently.
This meant I had to find a way to create new community and clientele – online.
This was also around the time I was delving deeper into creating identity change for others and learning how to effectively do that. I was honing my skills from a coach named Damon Cart, an NLP practitioner who reached YouTube influencer status. As his membership grew, I became his very first certified coach and one of his first hires. This led me to teaching classes and mentoring students and critiquing their client work.
Today, I continue to teach and mentor. And I serve premium clientele in my exclusive practice. I’m privileged to be at a point where I solely work with people I can honestly say I absolutely LOVE as individuals. They make me want to work hard for them and help them get what they want out of life.

Putting training and knowledge aside, what else do you think really matters in terms of succeeding in your field?

Getting out of your own way. There was a time when I suffered from the fraud feelings of Impostor Syndrome, or the persistent inability to believe I was worthy and earned my successes. I was becoming so fixated on wanting to help others that I was doing so at the detriment to myself. I was working very long hours and eventually burned out–hard. And I noticed I was starting down a path of self-importance. I don’t mean I was becoming narcissistic or prideful in any way. It was quite the opposite. I started becoming more and more self-conscious. I started thinking if I couldn’t help someone in exactly the way that “I” wanted that meant I wasn’t good enough. I was truly psyching myself out.
It was like I was focusing a flashlight on myself and not aiming it in the proper direction – the client!
After committing to my own healing, I realized my sessions with clients were never about me. This seems like a no-brainer to people outside of the helping field, but it’s a very common struggle for those of us inside of it. We want to help SO much that we think we’re the ones achieving our clients’ outcomes. That’s a big falsehood. In reality, we’re showing people how resourceful they really are, so THEY can then make any necessary lifestyle changes for themselves. We aren’t magicians waving a wand and telling people – “You will change now!” We’re skilled guides–and our clients go inward to explore their own selves and find their own solutions.

Contact Info:

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lani_b_change?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/coachlanib
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lanibuess/
• Youtube: https://youtube.com/@lanibuess4118?si=_r96U1aOG05jHBXp
• Other: email: [email protected]

Image Credits

Make it Yours Photo – Mike Karas, photo credit