We were lucky to catch up with Krysia Badass recently and have shared our conversation below.
Alright, Krysia thanks for taking the time to share your stories and insights with us today. One of the toughest things about progressing in your creative career is that there are almost always unexpected problems that come up – problems that you often can’t read about in advance, can’t prepare for, etc. Have you had such and experience and if so, can you tell us the story of one of those unexpected problems you’ve encountered?
Not too long ago, about two weeks ago, I was at a low point, and I hadn’t felt that low since my eighth grade year of life. I was feeling as though I was alone in this world, struggling to tell what was my destiny versus what was my own mind. I felt like my mind was playing tricks on me, and I couldn’t decipher between my brain and my spirit.
It was a Friday morning, and I was crying on my bathroom floor. I felt alone, to the point that I truly believed the greater power was making a mockery of my existence. I had been rejected by over two dozen employers, simply trying to grow my mural experience, making it difficult for me to want to continue going forward and not recluse into a world that didn’t feel it fit for me. Depression is a doozy; a mind manipulation that the depressed person has to be able to pull themselves out of, and having confidence and faith in yourself while being depressed is HARD.
After a solid 8 hours of curling up beneath the covers, sobbing, wondering why I am having such struggles and why I felt that the Divine power would be misguiding me, I was able to collect myself enough to go out into the sunshine, breathe some fresh air, and recenter myself. I decided I’d go drive through the city and look for vacant walls needing a fresh coat of paint. As I walked outside, I smelled something really tasty, and instantly wanted Freddy’s French fries and a shake (goofy, I know.) But here I was, wanting to treat myself for the emotionally tolling day I had had with some classic comfort food, but I didn’t give in because Ih ad a task to complete with this drive, and I was not going to revert from my plan (I needed to make some moves, baby!).
As I continued cruising the streets of Kansas City looking for vacant walls that could use some pretty paint, I came across several businesses that I could approach. I kept a running list of these companies as I continued traveling. Somewhere along the way, I got stuck on the highway traveling North. As I traveled North searching for an exit to head back South where I had planned to remain, I saw a Freddy’s. As simple as it may seem, I started crying tears of joy because somehow my passion (literally) drove me to the mental treat I needed. As silly as it may seem, I felt like I finally received a sign that the Divine Power does have a hold on me and does show up when I cry for help. I continued my journey back into downtown KC and collected more businesses to visit.
I felt revitalized with this simple sign. That evening, I researched and reached out to about a dozen businesses, hoping to hear back from someone.
The following two days, my schedule was wide open, so I took some time to travel through KC and study the architecture and nature in the city, seeing how I could create my mural art to fit with Kansas City’s style. As I am traveling KC, those of you from the area know that the Plaza has beautiful architecture to begin generating ideas from. As I was walking the Plaza, I sneezed. A vehicle passing by blurted out at me, “God Bless You!” and all I could think was, *wow, that was so kind that someone said that entirely out of their way*. I continued walking, eventually ending up in Barns and Nobel on the hunt for some good books. While I was there, I found three books – an Astrology journal that syncs with the moon cycles and tailors to the emotional pull of the moon’s position, a note taking Bible with a nice soft cover in the NLT version (you know, the one that makes sense to the modern day reader), and a daily meditation book for the spiritual entrepreneur called “The Daily Entrepreneur” (each day, one simple meditation with a challenge question to recenter before they begins). I felt great about these finds. As I was checking out, the young lady at the register looked at me as if I was walking on water. She told me that she didn’t mean anything misleading by this, but that I was absolutely beautiful and should be on a magazine. As she handed me the bag, she said to me, “I hope your day is as beautiful as you are.” With my eyes watery from the kind interactions I had encountered, I thanked the young lady and issued a compliment back to her.
For someone who, less than 24 hours prior, was on the bathroom floor sobbing wishing I wasn’t on this planet anymore, I was delighted with sign after sign that I have a reason why I am here on this earth; whether I understand why I am or not is a different story, but it provided me with the grace I needed to continue to persevere.
I was contacted back by one of the businesses that I had reached out to, and received word back on interest in my work. I am currently working with the client, preparing my first outdoor mural on a 65 foot wall.
When times get tough, lean into the pain. Ask for guidance to what speaks in your soul, and it will take you exactly where you need to be. When times get tough, remember you do not have to be alone; go out into the world and soak up the kindness. Get your mind straight and trust in your Divine.
As always, we appreciate you sharing your insights and we’ve got a few more questions for you, but before we get to all of that can you take a minute to introduce yourself and give our readers some of your back background and context?
My Work: My work falls within the category of Surrealism. Surrealism is the combination of dreamlike abstract concepts with realism (real concepts). The goal of each of my creations, originals or murals, is to create a piece of work that is understood at many levels by many; my work can be understood as deeply as the viewer understands themselves. I focus on the details, that is my bread and butter. Within the details is where these images suddenly come to life with a story, each shape and color generating different emotions within the viewer, precisely placed to maximize understanding. I believe that art should be something everyone can benefit from, despite if there is a description or not. I believe the most impactful art can generate emotions of joy, happiness, and relatability; it shows the pains and struggles, but also the perseverance .
About Me:
Where do I begin when sharing my story? … The truth is, I am just one tiny artist in this fascinating and brutal world, but I am a survivor that wants to make the world feel more inclusive through art.
I have a story unlike many, yet also like so many.
Just like me, others in this world that have gone through many similar situations that have contributed to decreased mental health and suicide. Unfortunately, I am just one small person of the 280+ million people that suffer from Clinical Depression. I cannot say that I have defeated depression, in fact, I had a two day long breakdown just one day prior to rewriting this page, because the truth is, I deal with it every single day, every waking minute.
My suicidal idealizations severely intensified in 8th grade, a time where I was at a new school with new people in a new state; a time when cruel words were spoken both online, to my face, and behind my back; a time where I could not escape the pain of classmates antagonizing my existence even when I was in (what was supposed to be) the safety of my home. I had a rock hard back brace to stop my spine curvature from worsening, one pair of pants that fit, and five name-brand T-shirts I saved up for to purchase from Platos Closet, in attempts to fit in. All while living in a house filled with uncomfortable memories of unwanted advancements by unwanted predators (to no fault of my parents; they were never aware); nor was this the first home of such advancements.
I distinctly remember replaying Eminem’s song, Beautiful, on repeat as I sobbed beneath this chunky old wooden desk in our rental house outside of Detroit. I had IM’d (instant message for all you youngins) a fellow newbie at the school, traumatically asking if he would care if I was alive; I had finished writing my suicide note and was ensuring everything was in order before I decided to take a knife to my skin.
I was pleading to God to take me away from this cruel world that I so desperately did not want to partake in.
Between the pain of disapproving school teachers, unwanted peers, and a home where I felt unsafe, I was struggling to find a reason to live.
The lyrics read,
“Lately I’ve been hard to reach; I’ve been too long on my own. Everybody has a private world where they can be alone… Are you calling me? Are you trying to get through? Are you reaching out for me as I am reaching out for you? I’m just so f*cking depressed, I just can’t seem to get out of this slump; if I could just get over this hump, but I need something to pull me out of this dump! I took my bruises, I took my lumps, fell down and I got right back up, but I need that spark to get psyched back up in order for me to pick the mic back up.”
The lyrics continue, eventually leading into a chorus,
“But, you have to walk a thousand miles in my shoes, just to see what it’s like to be me; I’ll be you, let’s trade shoes, just to see what it’d be like to feel your pain, you feel mine, go inside each other’s mind just to see what we find, look at shit through each other’s eyes. But don’t let ’em say you ain’t beautiful, they can all get f*cked, just stay true to you!”
Just like the lyrics of this song, my emotions bounced from powerless to strength, and back to powerless. The chorus continues, leading into the next verse,
“As I walk in it’s like all eyes on me so I try to avoid any eye contact, ’cause if I do that then it opens a door for conversation, like I want that (ha), I’m not looking for extra attention, I just want to be just like you and blend in with the rest of the room… Maybe point me to the closest restroom.”
I share these lyrics because the relatability spoke to how I felt every single day.
Eventually, I gained the strength to reach out to those who had once been cruel to figure out why I was struggling with finding anyone to be in my life, someone to relate to. I shook off the RBF (resting b*tch face) as I was told I had, and reinvented myself to survive.
In 11th grade, I was given the opportunity to be someone completely new… again.
KANSAS CITY, HONEY, HERE I COME.
For the next 12 years of my life, I created a facade. I, again, was bullied at my new school via social media and stalking from classmates, but none of this truly bothered me now because the distain people had for me wasn’t towards me… it was towards my facade.
I had grown numb to pain and numb to the creativity that lay dormant in my soul, and began living a life that was a falsehood for my core being.
I fell in love with the family of a midwestern boy; they cared about one another, they had family dinners, and his parents watched each of their son’s sports; never once missing a game. I distinctly remember seeing his father softly massaging his mom’s calfs on the couch, a genuine touch and love between two people that I had never seen before. The support they provided their children was an unveiling characteristic and attribute that spoke within me.
It seemed so … simple.
I ended up marrying the most stable of the sons, envisioning a charming, simple midwest life, nearly forgetting what creativity lay dormant in my soul.
After spending 10 years of my life growing with this person from a teenager into a young adult, I realized that my passion to create did not align with a life that he wanted, and I left the marriage to chase after a dream to pursue my life as it was intended for me.
Shortly thereafter, I had an encounter with a person, and we discussed our dreams and aspirations. I shared my dream to create and build a life where I create all day every day and bring joy to lives around me.
The person remarked back to me, “why haven’t you gone after your dreams?”
This was the first time I received even the slightest bit of approval that I could actually build a life doing what I love. I looked in the mirror, hazy from some magic sprouting from the ground, and I saw L O V E for the first time within my eyes and throughout my body.
Less than 6 months later, Krysia Badass Art was born.
What I have seen is far too heavy for some to bare; that’s why I create art that can be understood at many levels, from surface to subliminal messages, each alluding inspiration, inclusion, diversity, and acceptance.
I am a loner at heart; possibly because I did not grow up with a group of friends, or even one friend that I could truly open up to, but art is the one thing that I could always look at and feel included, feel understood, and make this world a little less lonely.
Can you share a story from your journey that illustrates your resilience?
This might be a better option for me to share the About Me. I included it in the previous response. It is also on my website. It’s the best story I have written to explain my resilience.
We often hear about learning lessons – but just as important is unlearning lessons. Have you ever had to unlearn a lesson?
I had to unlearn that happiness is not a destination, it is a journey. As cliche as that sounds, I was someone who did not follow my passion in art for fear I would be homeless and “unsuccessful”. I went to college, received a Bachelor’s of Science in Occupational Safety and Health, and went into the career of Safety. After beginning this career, and then working full time in it for the past 5 years, I learned that having a stable life was not filling my soul and purpose, but rather helping me continue through the motions until I whither away.
In 2020, the actions I had been taking to cope with my un-creative life, living a life I did not want to be in, I got a divorce and began chasing my dreams of being an artist.
During this journey, I have learned that kindness gives back. I have learned that purpose is how I will continue to live, not live to die. I have learned that being an entrepreneur is a 24/hour job. I have learned that your destiny is exactly what it will be and it is not my job to figure out how to get there, but rather see myself in that position and trust that I will get there, one step at a time. I have learned that self love and self growth are required in order for traction to be gained. Lastly, I learned that believing in myself is the number one support that I needed to have. It’s okay to screw up, it’s okay to change your life course at any point in your life, just believe in yourself… You cannot F*CK up your life!
Contact Info:
- Website: www.krysiabadass.com
- Instagram: @okaybadass
Image Credits
Images are all by me of my artwork.