We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Kristyn Carmichael. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Kristyn below.
Alright, Kristyn thanks for taking the time to share your stories and insights with us today. To kick things off, we’d love to hear about things you or your brand do that diverge from the industry standard.
Thank you for reaching out to speak with me about my brand and businesses.
My primary education is as an attorney. As a law school graduate, you have two typical projections for your legal career – work for a law firm, typically litigating cases, or work for a corporation or government agency. After you’re burnt out from your career in adversarial work, you may retire into the ADR field, also known as alternative dispute resolution. The ADR field often refers to arbitration and mediation, areas of the law that provide more collaborative environments to resolve conflict.
Mediation is the process by which a third party neutral assists parties in reaching a solution outside of a typical court process, such as a trial with a judge. The mediator facilitates the conversation to help the parties self determine their own agreements in a voluntary, confidential process. The field of mediation is predominantly retired judges and attorneys who no longer wish to work within the typical litigation format of the law. The field has also typically been dominated by white males over 45 years old, although there has been a shift to more women in the field in the last few years. The industry standard is what is commonly referred to as “shuttle caucus mediation,” where a mediator puts the parties in separate rooms, going back and forth between the rooms to evaluate their case and help them find resolution. These are the typical standards within the mediation field.
When I graduated law school, I knew I had no desire to practice law in the traditional sense. I found my calling in the field of mediation during law school, and fell in love with family mediation. Family mediation covers a variety of cases, but my primary focus is couples entering marriage and those seeking a divorce. Upon beginning my job search, I found that the limited job opportunities available for mediators in established practices were even further limited by the facts that I was 24 years old, a recent law school graduate, and a woman. My resume was overlooked or not even accepted at most firms. It was seen as almost impossible for someone to begin their career in the mediation field, or be treated with respect as a mediator within the field, with my qualifications.
Ultimately, I had the unique opportunity to work for a new mediation firm, which was run by a young couple who understood the challenges of finding a role in mediation at that time in my career. I had an amazing experience growing their business, and as an individual, with them from just the 3 of us to a staff of over 10 people. I learned so much from the opportunity, but also knew that I had so much more growth to find in my career. This past year, I left the firm to open my own practice as a mediator and certified divorce financial analyst.
In my practice, I provide premarital and divorce mediation services, as well as divorce financial coaching services for individuals or couples. My practice is predominately online, providing accessibility and ease for my clients all over the country. Unlike many traditional mediators, I follow a joint session model where I keep my clients together rather than in separate rooms, as much as possible. This joint model allows me to help my clients find solutions that will work best for them and their families, without the influence of my perspective as to what may be most important to them. I don’t shy away from emotion, but rather welcome its importance in reaching long lasting solutions. Whether a couple is saying “I do” or closing this chapter of their life with divorce, I’m here to help them create stability in the agreements that will shape their futures. I work to create an environment that is thoughtful and caring, mediating with heart.
I’m so grateful to see the industry continuing to grow and expand, particularly with the inclusion of women, younger mediators, and mediators of color. But the industry can continue to grow, allowing for new perspectives to lead the future towards expanded conflict resolution styles and techniques.
As always, we appreciate you sharing your insights and we’ve got a few more questions for you, but before we get to all of that, can you take a minute to introduce yourself and give our readers some of your background and context?
Absolutely!
I am the founder of Couples Solutions Center and Ms. Confinance (confidence + finance).
Couples Solutions Center is a family mediation center focussed on premarital mediation and divorce mediation.
Premarital mediation gives couples the opportunity to begin their relationship on a solid footing. I help couples have the difficult conversations that set them up for a successful future. For many couples, each person has created their own lives before finding the person they want to spend forever with. Let it be buying a home, starting a business, or creating an investment portfolio, pre-marital agreements can help couples create mutually beneficial agreements that will help them both feel comfortable and secure should they separate in the future. Pre-marital agreements act as insurance for marriage, with a focus on both partners being in control of their agreements. It allows couples to walk down the aisle with confidence that their relationship is built on a foundation of love and trust, with a mutual understanding of their goals for the future.
Divorce mediation allows spouses to reach mutually beneficial agreements for themselves and their family outside of court, without a judge making decisions for them. Divorce mediation is a lower cost, shorter process for those going through a divorce. I work with my clients to help them find mutually agreeable solutions on all issues, including the division of all assets and debts, as well as a parenting plan and support agreements if needed.
Ms. Confinance (confidence + finance) provides divorce financial coaching services. I support individuals in understanding their finances, as well as their goals for their future, as they go through their divorce process. The goal for my clients is to take the fear out of finances, while building their financial confidence for the future. My services include guiding my clients past the financial pitfalls of divorce, budget planning, creating a plan for negotiation with their spouse, and more. Through my social media platforms, I also provide free divorce financial information that could be applicable to anyone considering or going through a divorce.
As a divorce mediator and Certified Divorce Financial Analyst, I have worked with hundreds of couples, helping them reach amicable agreements that prioritized their families outside of court. I have created these services to provide an environment that is not only supportive and family-centered but also inclusive to all. For many, they feel as though the court does not support them or their choices as a family. This includes those who feel the court will be biased towards them or not fully appreciative of their family for a variety of reasons including, but not limited to – addiction or mental health struggles, mixed families, LGBTQ+ couples and families, children with autism, children transitioning, and more. I want to create a safe environment outside of court where people work together to find solutions that are unique to their family dynamics without feeling judged or rushed to reach cookie cutter agreements that are not specific to their needs.
We often hear about learning lessons – but just as important is unlearning lessons. Have you ever had to unlearn a lesson?
As a mediator, one of our strongest skill sets is listening… but that doesn’t mean it’s easy to do in or outside of business. Another mediator I work with succinctly stated – “We live in a culture focussed on listening to respond, not listening to gain understanding.” One of the hardest challenges I work through every day is listening actively to better understand others and gain perspective, rather than solely to answer. This skill of “active listening” appears so frequently in media and online that I find it loses its luster. But I know that active listening and questioning to gain further understanding are the cornerstones of any successful relationship, in business or my personal life. This means unlearning the desire to listen for only what applies to me or for my benefit. It means learning to ask questions rather than only respond with statements. Paraphrasing John Haynes, “the best mediation is one where we only ask questions.” This applies to all facets of life.
One of the most pivotal practices I began, which has helped me unlearn this habit, was joining a reflective practice group. I’m blessed to have a group of practitioners I meet with monthly, led by Michael Lang. Reflective practice is the process by which professionals can reflect back on their work not with judgment, but with curiosity. Our group guides one another through an issue solely by asking one another questions, leading the person experiencing the challenging issue to find resolution through their own reflection rather than attempting to solve the issue for them. This reflective work allows a professional to delve into their own challenges to curiously explore what brought on the challenges and how they can be resolved in the future.
Have you ever had to pivot?
I took the largest pivot in my career last year by transitioning from a side-hustler with a day job to a full-time entrepreneur. I’ve always been entrepreneurial, but also admittedly appreciated the stability that working for someone else provided. I was able to explore my passions on the side, while having a stable income. My husband and I have a number of businesses that have always been side-hustles, and honestly may have stayed that way if I hadn’t made the leap to pivot. My pivot was led by a number of factors, but the most substantial was a desire to find joy in what I do every day. Although I had the opportunity to help clients through my previous role, I also felt limited in my growth and ability to make an impact. So I pivoted and did something I never anticipated for myself – I quit my job and jumped headfirst into entrepreneurship. Somedays, it feels like I’m just bobbing above water trying to catch a breath. Others, I feel like I’m floating on the most beautiful wave. But on either day, I’m so excited about the creativity I have found in expanding our businesses and creating the future of our dreams. I am so grateful to have wonderful mentors, friends, and an exceptional husband who made that pivot so much easier. And now I live in the world of pivoting every day, trying new marketing techniques, resolving new problems, and saying yes to opportunities I never thought I would have before.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.couplessolutionscenter.com
- Instagram: @ms.confinance
- Yelp: https://www.yelp.com/biz/couples-solutions-center-phoenix
- Other: www.msconfinance.com
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