We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Kendra Kae. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Kendra below.

Kendra, looking forward to hearing all of your stories today. So let’s jump to your mission – what’s the backstory behind how you developed the mission that drives your brand?

My mission is to help people cultivate the skills to live a fulfilling and connected by deeply connecting with themselves, fully embracing all that they are and becoming creatively and vulnerably expressive through the body and the voice.

I’ve always been an observer or human behavior and the body. Mostly my own. As a singer, I’ve practiced somatic awareness since I was very young. As an adult, I’ve observed how my behavior and the behavior of others prevents us from having healthy connections.

This was no exception in my life as I sunk into behavior patterns and scripts that defined my interactions. Slightly over diagnosed, I got caught up in the cerebral part of these patterns, noticing shame, guilt, unmet needs, issues with boundaries, anxious and avoidant attachment, gaslighting, trauma, and borderline personality disorder. Give me a book and I’d give you a diagnosis.

I was a fragile child of Brené Brown and Fred Rogers, wanting to be authentically seen in my vulnerability, belong, and be loved. This is a very common desire for humans, I would discover. I was definitely not alone. Why was this plaguing so many people?

Then I became a cuddlist, where I actually helped people feel SOMETHING. I was probably the most adequately trained among those practicing in Boise, Idaho and I became the training manager. I started teaching others skills to facilitate connection with their clients as well as maintain a safe environment.

Something was missing.

I went in and out of this business, mostly due to the pandemic, all the while still learning more, reading more, understanding myself and working through my own blockages to connection.

I found a lot of parallels through the body. I was studying dance, singing, and yoga all at the same time. This trifecta kept informing each other and my personal interactions in life. Also, two quotes from my adopted parents, Fred & Brené continued to haunt the back of my mind. I professed these things, feeling some kind of truth behind them, but not fully understanding.

“We can only love others as much as we love ourselves.” -Brené Brown
“I don’t think anyone can grow unless he’s loved exactly as he is now, appreciated for what he is rather than what he will be.” -Fred Rogers

Reflecting, I recognize that these truths were what made me so successful. Each client that came to see me wasn’t a being to be fixed, but someone to be loved, EXACTLY as they are. Humans are stubborn though. We have a hard time believing in our own lovableness.

This is where the shift had to happen.

In the beginning of 2022, I broke. Yes, I had achieved what I thought was my dream life. I had a large circle of friends, I was in a very communicative and loving relationship, I was singing gigs in New York City as an opera singer. I’d achieved everything I thought I wanted. In the first week of January, I wanted to die. Literally. I felt there was no point.

I attended a festival where I attended workshops to help build my platonic touch business, The Cuddleologist. I was talking about oxytocin a lot and sharing bits from article on Psychology Today about the importance of touch.

I gathered a lot of data that supported me, but there was one major takeaway from this festival that I hadn’t expected, spirituality.

You see, I left Mormonism five years prior and recoiled at anything resembling this. Luckily I was broken. I needed help, so I asked for it. In a group of others exploring spirituality through this workshop (and what a scene it was because most of the festival attendees were eagerly trying to get into a tantric massage class at the same time) I said a prayer. I asked for the collective energy of the group to bring into fruition something I couldn’t, a change.

The rest of 2022 was a series of changes that took me from NYC opera singer to Bali nomad. I play up the paradise of where I live because it helps people dream and open their hearts, but the truth is that this is just another part of the journey, just as challenging. Everything has changed and nothing has changed.

Everything is where my mission comes in.

Einstein says that, “insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” When therapy runs you into a breaking point and when your dreams no longer feel like dreams, it’s time to question what you’ve been doing.

Everything gets very mushy at this point. It’s hard to put it into terms that people can grasp because what I do is not like anything you find in the western world, and it’s had to describe in the Eastern world as well. Truthfully, it’s only understood outside of the mind. It’s understood through the heart, through feeling, through art, and through intuition. I share stories on my blog to help illustrate this, the magic that happens when alignment, validation, and love come from within.

I help people, through an intuitive approach, to break their mind’s patterns by feeling more. This can go many different directions, but essentially I teach people to get out of their head and into their body. Embodiment. I don’t have a method though. I’m not a yoga teacher. I’m not a dance instructor. I’m a sometimes voice coach, but even that I lean into allowing the student to feel into their experience.

With everyone, including myself, the beginning is accepting and loving yourself, every bit of you, exactly where you are. Loving your own compassion and skill as well as your own cruelty and shortcomings. It’s from this place of love and non-judgment that the world becomes a place of adventure, fulfillment, and joy. Skeletons come out in the process and each one is addressed through embodiment, creativity, and expression.

“The only zen you find at the top of the mountain is the zen you bring up there.” Robert M. Pasig

Kendra, before we move on to more of these sorts of questions, can you take some time to bring our readers up to speed on you and what you do?

Touching Connection grew out of a platonic touch service I started in 2019, where I learned that there’s so much more to address than a paid hug can solve.

I seek to help clients find the blockages within themselves that are preventing them from having the fulfilling, connected, and expressive lives they desire.

I work intuitively, addressing each client where they are. Generally, we start with where a client is, focusing on breaking through the beliefs that they aren’t worthy of love. Once we have reached a place where judgment and shame take a back seat, we can address specific pain points as they come up.

I’ve created personal consulting, where I address clients directly where they are. This is the most intimate and progressive work I do, as there’s no specific curriculum. I assess where the client is and that’s where we begin. Clients have consistent support to troubleshoot.

Additionally, I’ve designed a 9 week embodiment course called The Art of Touch. This is an in-depth dive into the body through meditations, exercises, and topics that help the Touch Artist take on a new perspective, The Artist’s Perspective. As both the audience and the artist

People wanting a small boost in connection can try my Connection Essentials Toolkit, a small collection of meditations and worksheets to help someone get started in the basics of living a more connected life.

I’ve got many future offerings in the making, including a self-love course, touching innocence, and voice activation.

How about pivoting – can you share the story of a time you’ve had to pivot?

I see myself as a dandelion. One of my best friends even calls me Dandelion. I wrote a little bridge to a song that captured my attention about dandelions,

“When we were children, those dandelions painted the world with bright yellow hope. That hope lives on, like the flower, tenacious, unassuming, resilient as hell.”

Resilience isn’t a one time deal, it’s a daily effort. I consider myself someone who’s had plenty of opportunity to “check out.” Nevertheless, I’ve continued on.

I had a very comfy job and comfy marriage. I was well taken care of. Nevertheless, I left it.

This was the first pivot.

I married at the age of 20 and stuck with the relationship for eleven years. My dedication was over-the-top, but it’s not something I regret. I’m proud of what I committed to. Knowing I did that means that I know I have the ability to commit even more fully to something that makes my heart soar.

My marriage was lukewarm for me, but I was passionate about making it work through communication and being exactly who I needed to be.

Being in this situation was a good incubator for a woman who was told that she was only that, a woman. I was made to bear babies, stay at home, cook, and teach. My career needed to come second to my husband and any children we might parent together. Children never became a part of the narrative other than my elementary students, who I thoroughly enjoyed teaching. My passions were hobbies and my needs were secondary.

I went through a series of quitting. I quit my religion that no longer made me feel close to god, and was contributing to serious mental health issues. I quit my job, again to focus on my health. Slowly, I started to feel better and become inspired. Then I quit my marriage.

With the eleven year marriage over, I went into a fabulous state of manic creativity. This would be the impetus for everything that would happen over the following four years. I can see that this moment of choosing myself led to all of the amazing work I’ve done to learn my brand and live a fulfilled life, the kind of life I help others find for themselves.

What’s a lesson you had to unlearn and what’s the backstory?

I’ve had to unlearn leaning on others expertise. Maybe this sounds funny, but I’ve turned to others for help a lot in my life. My teachers in school were the experts. They had authority and knowledge. I learned to not trust my own authority and knowledge.

As a child, though, I knew a lot. We don’t come into this world blank slates. There’s a lot of inherent knowledge we possess. Intuition is essentially tuning into what we already know.

It’s very easy to turn to others for knowledge. This was one of the reasons I joined Mormonism as a teenager. It gave me a clear definition of how to be and what to do in this world. I didn’t have to check in or think for myself.

In business, I’ve consulted with a lot of very talented people in their own business, coaches and the like. I’ve asked them questions, imitated, and strived to be like them. And, damn, I did it perfectly. I’m textbook! Give me a marketing strategy, and I’ll implement it to a “T.”

I did this multiple times, launching based off a fabulous program three times. Each time yielded results, because the method was solid, but not the results I’d hoped. I would land many fewer clients and retention was difficult.

When I surrendered to my intuition, allowing what I already knew to take hold, showing up as me and my brand, things shifted. I landed a much larger group of clients in my program, they are showing up with a more committed energy, and business is flowing.

My marketing managers would be horrified. I’m taking risks on people and myself. It’s by no means what someone would call “sustainable” in this world, but it’s working for me.

Contact Info:

• Website: www.touchingconnection.com
• Instagram: @touchingconnection
• Facebook: www.facebook.com/touchingconnection
• Other: If you want to include my side project, The Baroque Soprano, who is very much a part of all of this journey… Instagram & FB: @thebaroquesoprano Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/thebaroquesoprano YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@thebaroquesoprano1307

Image Credits
Headshot: Migz Rieta Event shot: Ariful Islam White dress shots: Elvina Ensh Ukulele shot: Eri Kardos Patel