We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Kelly Coté a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Kelly , looking forward to hearing all of your stories today. If you had a defining moment that you feel really changed the trajectory of your career, we’d love to hear the story and details.

Absolutely! The defining moment in my career came from a life-changing experience in my personal life that ultimately led me to me opening Evolve Counseling, PLLC.

After earning my Master’s Degree in Community Mental Health Counseling, I began working for a program at Urban Peak supporting youth experiencing homelessness who were struggling with a co-occurring mental health and substance use disorders. This time in my life was exciting both personally and professionally. I was newly engaged, had completed my education, became a Certified Addictions Counselor, and was gaining hours to become a Licensed Professional Counselor. Things felt like they were in alignment and my adult life was really taking off. I wasn’t really sure what area I wanted to specialize in once I became licensed, but knew I had a calling to help people. Up until that point in my career, I had worked with high-risk youth and really enjoyed it and thought that was the direction I’d continue to go professionally.

About a year after getting married, my husband and I decided to have a baby. After trying to conceive for a few months, I found out I was pregnant. We were so excited and couldn’t wait to start our family. We did all the typical things when expecting a baby; we dreamed about the things we’d do as a family, talked about baby names, and made guesses about if it would be a girl or boy.

Weeks went on. We were excited to find out the sex of the baby at the 20-week ultrasound. Finally, the day arrived. I went to work and supported the youth as usual. I was anxious throughout the day but chalked it up to excitement about finding out if we were expecting a boy or a girl. Little did I know that hours later, our lives would be forever changed.

We went to the ultrasound appointment after work and we were so excited to see our baby moving all around on the screen. The technician took a ton of measurements of the baby. At last, we were told and saw for ourselves that we were going to have a little boy. We were so happy and excited to bring him into the world. After she was done taking measurements, we went into the next room to wait to see the doctor.

We messaged our family to tell them the news about having a little boy. Then the doctor walked in and said “so you’re having a boy!” What came out of her mouth next is etched in my mind. She said, “so, there’s something wrong with your baby”.

I immediately started shaking and knew it wasn’t good. She explained that they saw some abnormalities and were sending us for a higher-level ultrasound to better see what was going on. At that time, she made it sound like it could be okay, but in my heart, I just knew it was not.

At the next ultrasound, many other abnormalities were noticed, most significantly critical parts of our son’s brain were not present. The next few weeks were a whirlwind filled with anxiety, tears, and tests. Oh, so many tests. After all of the most specialized and extensive testing that could be done, we were told by a team of experts that our son most likely had Trisomy 13. A condition that doctors consider “incompatible with life”. Ultimately, he would most likely die in-utero or during birth. If not, then the chance that he would live more than a few days was slim. The only way to be sure was an amniocentesis, which two days later confirmed the diagnosis of Trisomy 13.

Ultimately, our first son, Parker was stillborn in 2013. While embarking on my own healing journey I realized that there was a lack of specialized support for perinatal loss. I saw an enormous lack of awareness of infant and pregnancy loss. I experienced the isolation that happens because of this lack of awareness and understanding. While all loss is hard, I began to see what painfully unique mourning experience accompanies perinatal loss. Somewhere deep inside of me knew that after I walked my own healing journey, I would use the pain of my loss to support others on a similar path.

Years went by. I continued to learn what it was like to heal and grieve my son. I began another job at Jefferson Center for Mental Health on the adult outpatient co-occurring disorder team. From time to time, I would get people on my caseload that had experienced infant or pregnancy loss. Early on, I would refer these people to other clinicians because I was not yet at a place in my own grief where I could support others. Gradually that began to change and I thought more and more about going in that direction with my career.

Four years after losing Parker, I felt ready to open a private practice focusing on supporting others after the loss of a child during or shortly after pregnancy. It was a scary process to take this leap out on my own but I felt that this was my calling. I opened Evolve Counseling, PLLC in 2017 and over the years have supported many families who have also lost a child.

Great, appreciate you sharing that with us. Before we ask you to share more of your insights, can you take a moment to introduce yourself and how you got to where you are today to our readers?

My name is Kelly Coté, owner of Evolve Counseling, PLLC in Centennial, Colorado. I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, Licensed Addictions Counselor, and EMDR therapist who provides counseling to individuals and families who have experienced infant and pregnancy loss.

During my senior year of high school, I took a psychology elective and instantly knew that I wanted to embark on a career in mental health. I always knew I wanted to help others and was fascinated with learning why we do what we do. So when I was exposed to psychology it just clicked.

I earned my Bachelor’s in Psychology with a minor in Social Work, then went on to get a Master’s degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling and took courses to become a Licensed Addictions Counselor.

After years of working in a variety of community mental health and substance use facilities, I opened Evolve Counseling, PLLC to support families who have endured the devastating loss of a child. After experiencing the loss of my first child and walking my own healing journey, I wanted to use both my personal and professional experience to support others who were on a similar path.

My mission is to provide a healing environment for grieving parents so they can integrate the loss of their baby(ies) into their lives and process stuck points so they can find a new normal. One where they can experience the duality of emotions that comes from living life after losing a child. They learn they can be both happy and sad, be both joyful and grieving. Together we find ways for them to continue to live their life while carrying the memory of their child along with them. Over time my clients learn that they don’t need to feel guilty for experiencing joy again.

I am most proud that I am able to provide a safe, supportive place for families to talk about their children. One of grieving parents’ biggest fears is that their child will be forgotten. That the world will go on without them. I continue to feel honored and humbled that I am able to be part of their healing journey and remember their beloved children with them.

Do you think you’d choose a different profession or specialty if you were starting now?

No questions asked. If I could go back, I would definitely choose the same career path.

The path to getting here took a lot of time, work, and tears. Ultimately, it was the loss of my own son that led me to specialize in perinatal bereavement. I’m not saying that I would choose to go back and lose him again, however, it seems that everything is how it’s supposed to be today. While I’d give anything to have my son here with me, I wouldn’t want a career in any other specialty.

At one point in my life, I believed everything happens for a reason. I’m not sure if I believe that anymore, but what I do know is that we can choose to create meaning out of painful experiences after they happen. Victor Frankl said, “We give our suffering meaning by the way in which we respond to it”.

After healing myself, I decided that instead of being consumed with the suffering I would respond to it in a meaningful way.
I’m not sure what would be more meaningful than sitting with people during the worst days of their life. Providing a safe, supportive environment to express their pain, and being able to remember their babies along with them.

Training and knowledge matter of course, but beyond that what do you think matters most in terms of succeeding in your field?

That’s a great question! As far as being successful as a counselor, I think continuing to do our own work so that we can truly hold space for others is really important. Counselors are people too. We all have our own experiences, thoughts, feelings, and traumas. Often this is the reason people go into this field and what can make counselors effective in supporting others. At the same time, it’s crucial to be able to keep your stuff separate from theirs. This helps you to be able to relate and empathize but not project your feelings about experiences onto clients.

In order to be a successful private practice owner, it’s helpful to learn about marketing and business management, which is something that you are not exposed to in training to become a therapist. When I opened my private practice there was a steep learning curve to figuring out all of the business sides of things.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://evolvecounselingco.com
• Instagram: @evolve_counseling
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/evolvecounselingCO