We recently connected with Kelley Donnelly and have shared our conversation below.

Kelley, looking forward to hearing all of your stories today. Do you wish you had started sooner?

The fact that I was born with a creative spark endlessly burning inside me, the years I did not create plagued me constantly and left me with a lot of regret. I didn’t start much earlier because I was tortured by intense fear, addiction, a complete lack of self-confidence and self knowledge. It would take me several years to start on the path to sobriety and self reflection.

I was in my mid 40’s and I was done ignoring that spark. Not only do I have an infinite amount of ideas for paintings, the painful journey allowed me to build a resilience and passion I didn’t know existed. I gained courage and a fierce determination to keep forging ahead, failures and all, To keep creating regardless of the naysayers, critics, and the worst, my own head.

Great, appreciate you sharing that with us. Before we ask you to share more of your insights, can you take a moment to introduce yourself and how you got to where you are today to our readers.

I always felt like the odd ball out. From as early as I can remember I always had this feeling that something freakish was pinned to my head and everybody could see it except me. I felt weird, out of place, different. I can’t articulate why, nor can I identify how this began. It just was. I have tried to formulate theories, ideas and guesses as to the nature of it but it always seems to be an exercise in futility. To this day, it persists.

I was insatiable drawer as a kid. I always wanted to draw, scribble, and take a pencil to almost anything, As time passed and the older I got two detrimental things began to occur. Alcohol. Lots and lots and lots of alcohol became my everything. Even in High School., Dreams were not relevant, my life was not relevant, and all I wanted to do was to disappear into the abyss because that is where I belonged. Along with the chronic anxiety and debilitating OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) I thought I didn’t have a prayer at this life “thing”. The second thing, survival mode. Art could and would not save me, or so I thought. I was so consumed from getting from one second to the next, art was almost laughable.

At 25 I got sober. I’d like to say from then on I created like the Old Faithful geyser. Not so much. My eyes opened to all the other ridiculously unhealthy, mind numbing addictions with the idea that this is what I “needed”. Can you guess that that, too, ended badly. You see, without clearing the carnage of the insanity that was my life and chronic sabotaging thoughts that refused to leave, I stayed a rambling mess.

Fast forward 15 years. Art felt doable. Little tiny bits at a time. I bought a canvas, paints, easel, and brushes. I cautiously began making marks, wasted gallons and gallons of paint, and got paint all over the rug in the apartment I rented. But it began.

As for the rest of the story, there’s that excruciating, several year phase of the tormented artist (at least for me). But this torment wasn’t nearly as bad as the formative years. For years I fell out of place, fraudulent, a scammer, pathetic, extremely untalented, and plain not worthy of doing. The seeds of self-doubt creatively are relentless, brutal, and they appear to reproduce at the speed somewhat akin to the Acela Express.

I compared, downplayed, and completely ravaged any ounce of pride I could muster in the images I managed to get on canvas. I was an imposter. I used to be frozen by a blank canvas. I would stare at it for hours and with each passing second the fear continued to build. I would eventually, and quite hesitantly move towards the canvas still having no idea what was going to come pouring out of me. I tried sketching, but it felt awkward and forced. I thought, “well if I was a real artist I wouldn’t need to do that”. It was silly. But it was very real. The idea that I was an “artist” seemed almost silly to me. How could I dare call myself an artist. But I kept going, persevered, made a promise to myself to paint solidly for five years. I kept switching creative endeavors to see if those worked out any better.

I kept going. I have to say that again and again and again. Sticking with anything in my life was not me. I barely tried, gave up, and ultimately confirmed I was useless. I’m often stunned at how far I have come. Not in any boastful way or expecting any accolades. I have come far because I had to keep putting one foot in front of the other and I eventually decided the path those feet were going to take. I am incredibly proud of who I have become, the art I create, and the painfully hard work it took to get here.

I know that the word fear, is just that. For the first time in my life, I conquered it. Many more will jump on my back and try to wrestle me to the ground, but once you fight back, it whimpers off into it’s own inherent abyss,

I have a long way to go both personally and creatively. However, creatively I have a million ideas floating in that small circular abyss on my shoulders that used to call me worthless. My art is about every single subtle negative thought, the voices that tear you down, the fear you will fail, and the notion you are not good enough to create. I absolutely want to spread the message that you are not alone in your struggle and it is possible to rise above those insidious thoughts. You can and will amaze yourself once you understand that a little investigative work, the ability to damper some nasty whispers in the back of your brain, and the ideas that are bouncing around in your head are possible. Plus, art is the most therapeutic and meditative thing I do. And most importantly, it keeps me sane.

I always try to be kind, empathetic, and haven passion for what I am doing. These are things that I want to come through in my art. And the fact that we all have the potential to rise above the illusion we are worse than everybody else.

Baby steps…..

Are there any resources you wish you knew about earlier in your creative journey?

I think one of the most important aspects of being a creative, in the event you want to sell your work, is to learn marketing. The marketing, selling, and business end of the entire creative process can be painful and very difficult to learn and achieve. I have been stumbling for years desperately wanting to sell my work but not succeeding in finding additional ways (aside from art shows) to get them in front of the eyes of the customers. It is a critical task that I tend to avoid. However, I do realize I am not fully equipped to efficiently handle the time and attention it takes. I am in the process of hiring a creative marketer and I feel incredibly relieved.

However, you can do it yourself and through research and guidance you can be just as successful.

Is there a particular goal or mission driving your creative journey?

My main drive is this insatiable internal passion to share messages regarding challenges and behaviors that can help us in our sometimes frightening journey. I want to share the experiences that have helped me through, what seemed insurmountable, the daily emotional struggles I have faced. I want people to understand that whatever they fear, feel, or are going through, someone has been there and still may be. I want people to feel less alone and fearless in the face of everyday challenges. In the future, and through my paintings, I want to research other ways I can share at a more personal level, the challenges we face take courage that everyone possesses.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://kelleydonnelly.com
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kdmax44/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kelley.a.donnelly/
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kelley-donnelly-558b5a128/

Image Credits
I have taken the photos that I have provided throughout this interview.