We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Kathleen Ashford a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Alright, Kathleen thanks for taking the time to share your stories and insights with us today. Risk taking is something we’re really interested in and we’d love to hear the story of a risk you’ve taken.

TAKING A RISK

PART ONE: THE BACKSTORY

Once upon a time in a land far away, I was a professional Mean Lady…more commonly known as a Dominatrix. People (near-exclusive male clientele) paid me to engage in acts of BDSM that are typical of that world and I enjoyed my work very much.
Being a Professional Dominatrix was a very insular life experience at that time with an emphasis of “All glam, all the time” in the projected image. This is often a lot of smoke and mirrors and it can be challenging to navigate if you want to have a peer – someone who understands the unique challenges without the perceived scandal and sensationalism of your day-to-day life experiences.
Domina Carmen was a stunningly beautiful woman who had been a ProDomme in the area for about the same amount of time and we saw one another in passing at many events, often saying how we should get together some day. We finally did and I felt dumb for waiting so long to reach back to her over the years. She was an unmatched friend, peer and fellow human inside and out.
She lived with me for 6+ months before moving to Zurich to marry her husband, Romano. Romano is a beautiful soul who clearly loved my Carmen and I was happy for them even if I was feeling sorry for myself losing my friend, though I could always visit and she would be back now and then. Cool. The internet exists and we kept in touch.
I had a birthday party for myself (my first celebration of that sort for 5 years) and Carmen would soon be in town to visit in a couple of weeks.
The morning of the birthday party I began to receive the calls that Carmen had passed away unexpectedly the night before. As I was in my own shock and grief, I had to quickly decide if I should cancel the party. 100 or so guests would be there and they would have understood, but both my and Carmen’s friends were among them. It would be the only opportunity to tell anyone before it hit social media the following day…an awful way to discover a loved one’s death. I spent the night pulling friends aside to my dressing room to tell them of our shared loss, cry with them, tidy both of us up and tell the next folks. I heard that it was an overall good party, but I wasn’t really there.
I held her memorial at the home we shared a month later on her birthday in November. I flew to Zurich to help Romano with Carmen’s belongings and our mutual grief. After 10 days or so, I flew back to Seattle. It was now December of 2014.
The Carmen-shaped hole in my life since her death led into a profound bout of depression.
I reflected a lot on the time that we had together.
*Side Note* It might not be obvious from the outside, but any time a Sex Worker dies, there is often a sense of whispered scandal but not many stop to talk about how great of a person they were. Carmen deserved a better legacy if I could give her one. I wanted her memory to stay unforgotten.
One of the conversations that she and I constantly referred to was the one about the hotels that we would own in major metropolitan areas around the world that would be staffed by (consensual) slaves who would pay for the privilege of working there. Nothing was too extreme, too decadent, too indulgent. It would be otherworldly!

PART TWO: BUILDING A LEGACY

I visited my Lady Squad in the Bay Area and started to whisper about my idea. My friends really thought that I was onto something! I had done a lot of research for viability reasons…but depression is a bitch. My dear friend Shannon flew up to Seattle and sat on the basement floor with me, a stack of posterboard, a bunch of Sharpies and a lot of patience until we had given shape and form to this idea. We even discovered its name. InnThrall. I loved it and it was available as a social media handle and url.
Weirdly, I did not have an unlimited budget and a full-time construction crew. What I did have was a guest room and lounge-to be (formerly the creepy medical room) in an otherwise empty basement in the split-level rental house that I lived in and worked out of. Perhaps I couldn’t quite build a hotel…but what about a tiny Kinky B&B? I have a deep love of hospitality and this tied my worlds together beautifully. My landlord gave their blessing and right away I applied for and received a business license for my Romantic Getaway Bed and Breakfast and then my business insurance. The neighbors never suspected a thing.
I was not sure if anyone else would be into this dreamy place that I had created. Undaunted, along with own my own power tools, I had $5 to spare and a dream to invent. I’ve heard that I’m stubborn. I’ve heard that I have grit. I also had my day job for my regular income. Without ever advertising, InnThrall was becoming more popular.
I did not keep my dungeon downstairs and did not mention it at all. There was a bit of gear and a couple of specific furnishings in the Guest Suites but the doors and curtains to the dungeon were all closed and locked away when the first Guests visited and had to pass through the main part of the house to access the hot tub in the back yard.
InnThrall had always been my passion project that I had poured all of myself into and I anticipated that it would be fun and weird and novel…which it was. What I did not realize is what it would mean to me to see what this place meant to the Guests who came to stay. I had their heartfelt words in the Guest survey that I offered to each party before checkout. I made Consultations available to hosted Guests and this gave me the gift of empowering women – a long-held dream.
I had Guests who cried when telling me to my face how they had always wanted to experience what(ever) they had experienced – one who even dropped to their knees in my kitchen in grateful sobs. This role of InnKeeper had become much, much more than when it first began. My overarching life’s mission is to give other a safe space and permission to explore – themselves, their sexuality, one another. InnThrall was the culmination of what is important to me in life and had truly begun to feel like a Calling.

PART THREE: THE RISK (v. 1.) LEAVING THE BEST JOB EVER

It was during this time that I realized that although I had the Best Job Ever as a Dominatrix, I now loved InnThrall even more and being an InnKeeper was, for me, now the Best Job Ever.
Nearly as soon as I realized this, I realized that my day job existed in a legally gray zone and therefore was a threat to InnThrall. It was a BIG DEAL. I had loved this job for 15 years at this point and had developed some wonderful relationships with clients over the years. BDSM had been a part of my life for several years prior to my professional life, but it would be a mistake to conflate the Mistress/personal submissive relationship with the ProDomme/Client relationship. I valued each greatly. One had been paying my bills for years.
The gravity of the decision was never lost on me, but the clarity that it was the correct one was not in doubt. I reduced the website to a “Thanks for the memories, off to Europe I go!” message on a splash page and turned off the second phone that I had carried for 15 years. I could not let anything put InnThrall and my heart at risk. I did feel a bit bad for whomever got that phone number next.
Year over year, InnThrall earned its keep and had trouble keeping up with demand. I redid my former professional dungeon and created “Libertine Hall” for Guests to explore during their stay. I remodeled the other end of the house…gave up most of my closets and opened The Inner Sanctum Suite, the fancier alternative to the original InnThrall Suite. The neighbors still never suspected a thing.
With two Guest Suites and Events that kept getting better, InnThrall was telling me that it would like to grow, please.
What an amazing problem to have! It was time to somehow expand. I needed to build some equity and had been a ghost in the credit system, so qualifying for a loan for anything on the West Coast was out of the question in 2019 for anyone on a budget, which I very much was, even with a petite group of backers. A Portland, OR location did not work out and time was nearly gone with my lease ending.
With my former day job shelved, I grabbed InnThrall’s hand and we have been walking into sunsets together happily for years, now.

PART FOUR: The Risk (v.2); IT’S FINE…I’VE GOT THIS

I took a deep breath and looked East. I am good at shopping and found several candidates! As I could not leave the Seattle location, I sent a pair of scouts to view them in a whirlwind tour. Upon their return, the merits of each were considered and visualized. An offer was placed and accepted. InnThrall 2.0 had a home!
I did not think it a problem that I did not actually know *anyone* on the East Coast as I looked forward to attending Events and Conventions and would meet my new Community in no time. No problem.
I flew across the country on January 31st, 2020 and signed on February 1st, 2020…just one month before COVID lockdowns began. I had not yet unpacked and InnThrall and I had already fallen through all of the cracks that might have offered aid and there was no way to open any time soon. No one knew how long before a vaccine would be available. Government offices were closed for months and then overwhelmed for months, so it took time to get licensed, etc.

PART 5: Risk Three: COVID IS THE BIGGEST COCKBLOCKER EVER

All of a sudden, I had the problem of not having any way to keep myself, any staff or my Guests safe from C-19. All startup capital was nearly hemorrhaged and all of my personal savings were in that pool as well. All remodeling stopped and I went very quiet and into deep introspection for a few days figuring out how to operate a home-based hospitality business in a responsible way during a global pandemic when we were still unclear on transmission pathways. I DID IT!!! InnThrall would operate Contactlessly!
All remodeling efforts went to the wing opposite the room with our first remodeling efforts. The space that I had originally envisioned as a party/gathering space turned into a gorgeous BedChamber and the former racquetball court became Libertine Hall – 800 sq ft of well-equipped space and the privacy to explore for InnThrall’s Guests.
All of this was possible because this space, as well as the indoor heated pool, are on a completely different HVAC system adjoined by an enclosed corridor that separates these that I’ve named the Airlock Chamber. This is where I deliver breakfasts or any other Guest needs/requests during their stay while I am masked. Guests are asked to join me in being masked during their welcome tour where I show them where to find what is there for them and how to contact me during their visit.
InnThrall 2.0’s first paying (non-BETA testers) were on September 4th, 2020.

Evermore,
Kathleen Ashford – InnKeeper

Kathleen, before we move on to more of these sorts of questions, can you take some time to bring our readers up to speed on you and what you do?

* About me: Kathleen Ashford – Queer AF InnKeeper of InnThrall – Your Kinky B&B since March 2015

* How it happened:- I am the Dominatrix who got to keep her dungeon by sharing it with others via a deep love of hospitality and creating a boutique B&B unlike any other.

* What you’ll find: An otherworldly Romantic Getaway…with an indoor heated pool and a sweet dungeon Playspace on an Adults-Only property surrounded by 14 acres of mostly forested privacy to frolic as you wish.

* What I provide/solve: I remove obstacles that keep people from fully enjoying one another.
Privacy is central. I don’t keep any clocks on the premises, nor televisions in Guest Suites, though there is an Erotic Library and the entire house is an Erotic Art Gallery. I provide sturdy furnishings and the highest quality gear. Guests are not surveilled. They may be as naked, loud and frolicsome as they wish during their time at InnThrall.

* What sets InnThrall apart: First – InnThrall is CLEAN. I want to imagine that it is *possible* that I am the first person to inhabit a hotel room and I give the same to my Guests. I will chase that last hair. The standard of cleaning is, “Am I willing to put my vulva there? My fussy, fussy vulva.” Until the answer is yes, it is not done.
I am available for hosted Guest Consultations when there are questions or insights that I may offer.
I have set and maintain the platinum standard in Sex-Positive Hospitality. Guests are never made to feel weird about their unique enjoyments. Their delight fills my heart.

* I am proud of getting InnThrall to its scaling point without the aid of institutional lenders…may of whom would happily take the meeting without ever planning on investing. “What you have is great, but we don’t want you in our portfolio….What would our other clients think?!?”. Being a Queer Female-Founded business in a (very much legal) sex-adjacent industry made this feel impossible. Who did show up was a small, mostly Female group of friends, Guests and acquaintances who also believed in my weird dream.

* I want people to know that InnThrall is and always has been a mission-driven business. Pre-COVID, there was always a NYE Fundraiser Party to benefit one hyper-local and one National cause. Most years, it was the Sex Workers Outreach Project (SWOP) of Seattle along with the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF). I was already an individual donor of petite caliber, but InnThrall gave me the vehicle to make significant financial contributions in a way that I could never do on my own. That is an amazing feeling as a Small Business. I look forward to when InnThrall 2.0 may create a sexy Fundraiser for an excellent cause or three.

* ALSO – InnThrall’s second Guest Suite, “The Chambers of Here and Now”, located in the Main House is about to open for a very different Guest experience from The Inner Sanctum Suite currently exclusively operating.

I shall always endeavour to make InnThrall sexier with each visit with many Guests coming again and again.

Any stories or insights that might help us understand how you’ve built such a strong reputation?

As a member of the Sex-Positive and Kink Communities for over 25 years, I have earned and enjoyed a reputation as someone with great integrity, solid ethics and a batshit passionate nature.
As I did not do any advertising at all for two years, the only exceptions being donations to the Seattle Erotic Art Festival, Kinkfest in Portland, OR and other Community fundraising efforts, all other early Reservations happened via word of mouth.
While the Kinky/Sex-Positive Communities that I love are not always my Guests, they are often InnThrall’s referrers.

Any advice for growing your clientele? What’s been most effective for you?

I have the distinct ability to make people/Guests/friends/strangers comfortable in uncomfortable situations. I’ve always been a person that someone could bring their most embarrassing questions to and get an easy, honest, non-judgmental reply from.

I have had Guests who later purchased a Reservation for their Adult crotch goblin and their partner along with a Consultation. Another Seattle friend purchased a stay and Consultation for her son and his girlfriend of many years.
It is a MASSIVE compliment to have someone’s confidence in you to be a Trusted Guide to their progeny! I am constantly humbled by the trust given to me by my Guests when they offer a petite window into this very private world of theirs, so I always strive to be worthy of that honor.
The result is that MANY Guests return again and again…and again and some of them are even daring enough to tell their friends!

*Bonus* I have even had the delight of Consulting with a proper Amish couple here for a couple of nights! The rest of that story will probably have to go on Patreon.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://innthrall.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/innthrall/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/InnThrall
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kathleen-ashford-388268116/
• Twitter: https://x.com/InnThrall
• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCve47woiufmMhxysqe-8PXw

Image Credits

Photos 1, 3, 4, and 6 Credited to and Owned by InnThrall LLC.
Photo 2 is from my former day job as a Professional Dominatrix and is Credited to Hypnox and owned by InnThrall LLC
Photo 5 is of Carmen and is Credited to Romano Zerbini with gratitude from InnThrall