We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Karmen Paley a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Karmen, looking forward to hearing all of your stories today. Can you talk to us about a risk you’ve taken – walk us through the story?

In June of this year, I was on a working vacation in Florida. As I sat in the backyard of my friend’s house, which is essentially an exotic plant sanctuary, time slowed down. All of a sudden, I had a moment to do nothing.

At the time, I was working for one of the largest matchmaking companies in America. I had been there since 2020 and, by 2025, I was one of the company’s top matchmakers. However, sitting among the colorful foliage, I realized: I haven’t felt relaxed in months.

I was burnt out.

Burnout culture is so widely discussed, yet somehow I think I forgot to take it seriously. After experiencing a few days of glorious rest, I knew I had to make a change. I left my safe, salaried job with benefits because I realized the value of feeling good.

I started my new company, Karmen Connects, because I want to be intentional about how I work and the kind of work I do: that means creating a work environment in alignment with my values and centering the LGBTQ+ dating community.

I’m taking my time: enjoying getting to know my clients, exploring policies and strategies for success, and building a company that provides a personalized, satisfactory matchmaking experience.

Karmen, love having you share your insights with us. Before we ask you more questions, maybe you can take a moment to introduce yourself to our readers who might have missed our earlier conversations?

You know those kismet moments where you feel like everything is in alignment? One day, in 2024, I attended a workshop called Financial Wellness for Artists hosted by the Ring of Keys organization. It took place indoors on a beautiful day, so naturally, there were only two people in attendance: me, and Mak Shealy.

It turns out that sometimes, a single connection is all you need.

I was intrigued to learn that day that Mak was a matchmaker. Then the pandemic hit, and I needed remote work. Mak’s company was hiring. I spent the next five years working for that firm before leaving in June of this year.

Having matched clients across spectrums of identity, age, race, gender, sexuality, etc., I found a particular niche in matchmaking for the LGBTQ+ community.

Karmen Connects is a matchmaking service for queer individuals rooted in passionate inquiry, research, and understanding. I provide my clients with a comprehensive dating experience: personalized recruiting, date coaching, match screenings, date planning, and post-date consultations. I’m doing the head-hunting, asking the hard questions, managing dating calendars, and following up after dates so that clients can do less and enjoy more. People spend so much time on dating apps or trying to meet people out and about. I offer a service that allows people to reinvest hours of free time into themselves every week. Dating shouldn’t feel like a chore or a part-time job. That’s why I do it full-time.

In many ways, love is universal in ways that all humans can relate to. And, still, there are certain experiences best understood by those who live them. That is to say, there is significant overlap between the matchmaking processes for LGBTQ+ and cishet clients; and yet, certain aspects of the queer dating experience that are unfamiliar to allies are understood by me.

As a non-binary/gender fluid person, my gender presentation oscillates. I experience the world perceivably both as a trans person and as a gay man. I’ve used Grindr and Lex, Tinder and Hinge, Okcupid and Feeld, and yes, even Manhunt and Adam4Adam. I once dated someone I met on the Subway who wrote me a Missed Connections ad on Craigslist. And, yes, I even lived the ‘DL gym bro wants a secret t girl’ fantasy, too.

I’m a proud member of the community. Beyond that, I’ve screened scores of LGBTQ+ individuals who shared about their dating experiences. Every conversation broadens my perspective. I care about knowing where my clients are coming from. It helps me to get to where they’re going.

Can you tell us about a time you’ve had to pivot?

In March of 2020, I was in rehearsals for Othello in Queens, New York. Two nights before opening, the stage manager told us that we’d be taking a break from production due to Covid.

A few months later, with no promise of financial sustainability in remote theatre, I made the switch to matchmaking.

It was a surprisingly easy transition. I found that auditioning actors was like screening clients, casting them was like pairing matches, and directing them was like date coaching. In both theatre and matchmaking, the goal essentially is to work oneself out of a job– so that actors can shine on opening night and lovers can build a lasting relationship.

As a theatre director, I focused on telling LGBTQ+ love stories. As a matchmaker, I help make those stories a reality.

We often hear about learning lessons – but just as important is unlearning lessons. Have you ever had to unlearn a lesson?

I’ll try not to beat around the bush with this one. I had to unlearn the lesson that it is shameful to be a member of the LGBTQ+ community.

Love is one of life’s greatest treasures. As a child of the nineties, I inherited the homophobic and transphobic sentiments of the AIDS epidemic from the decade prior. I grew up through Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. It took me until my twenties to come out and another decade to come into a clear sense of my identity.

As I unlearned the shame, I learned to love myself. As I learned to love myself, my capacity to love others grew.

Being who I am and doing the work I do, I am deeply passionate about advocating for the LGBTQ+ community’s right to exist and to love. A part of my job is helping other members of the community unpack and unlearn harmful lessons like this one in the hope of building a light and reflective dating experience.

I just want queer people to know that they’re sooooo lovable. Like, easily lovable. And worthy of satisfying love.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.karmenconnects.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karmenconnects/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61577723925667
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/karmen-paley-294959114/

Image Credits

Headshot by Shani Hadjian Photography.
Wedding photos by Perceptions Photography, Sandy Aldieri.