We recently connected with Julie Labanz and have shared our conversation below.
Julie, thanks for joining us, excited to have you contributing your stories and insights. What did your parents do right and how has that impacted you in your life and career?
Everyone always asks, “How did you decide to become a sex therapist?” My parents played a very critical role in getting me to where I am today. In spite of growing up in Cincinnati, which is very much on the edges of The Bible Belt, my parents were very liberal and encouraged conversations about sex and were very open about the topic. They were encouraging about safe and healthy sexual exploration and wanted me to know that they were always available if I had questions about sex.
I also went to church in my younger days (in spite of my parents beliefs) and was wrapped up in purity culture. There was a lot of sex negative messages that made me feel “sinful” and “bad” for any sexual curiosity. Thankfully, my parents’ messaging provided a really healthy balance to sex that a lot of my peers didn’t otherwise have, and it helped keep me from completely shutting off from sex.
By the time I got to college, I had friends getting ready to get married who had never had sex before and needed “the talk” and thankfully I was really comfortable having that conversation, which inspired the idea of sex therapy. I always knew I wanted to go into the field of psychology and the comfort and confidence that I had around sex helped me realize that I could bring other people that comfort and confidence through sex therapy. I was also working for a non-profit teaching junior high and high school kids about not just the physical side of sex, but also the emotional, and it reinforced for me how much people need someone who is kind and gentle to have these conversations with.
When the time came for me to start my own practice, my parents were the ones who offered to back me in getting it started. They were so encouraging and knew that the work I was doing was going to bring great changes to people’s lives, and they gave me the confidence (and financial assistance) to get it started.
Their openness around sex/sexuality and their constant encouragement to grow in my work has tremendously supported my career growth. I am now a thriving practice owner because of them and know that their encouragement of me has indirectly helped many other clients with their own struggles around sex/sexuality.
As always, we appreciate you sharing your insights and we’ve got a few more questions for you, but before we get to all of that can you take a minute to introduce yourself and give our readers some of your back background and context?
I am a licensed professional clinical counselor and supervisor, an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, and owner of Be Known – a private therapy practice – offering sex and relationship therapy. This means that I’m not only trained to support people with mental health issues, but I am especially equipped to help people with a wide variety of sexual concerns. I work with adults in relationships and individuals process and explore sexual concerns that they may. have. Sex therapy is just like regular talk therapy – except that many of our conversations are centered around relationship issues or sexual concerns.
I consider myself an “umbrella” sex therapist in that I work with a wide variety of issues. That can range from: libido differences, difficulty orgasming, sexual pain, sexual dysfunctions (like erectile disorder, premature ejaculation, etc.), kinks/fetishes, open/polyamorous/CNM relationships, affair recovery, gender identity, performance anxiety, out of control sexual behaviors (sex/porn addiction), and so much more. I am a kink, CNM, and LGBTQIA+ affirming therapist.
My work involves helping people discover the root of their relationship and/or sexual issues and not only eliminating the problem, but also expanding into pleasure-filled connection. Many people explore and unpack shame-based messages about sex/sexuality/gender from upbringing (culture, parents, religion, peers, etc.) and reframe those messages to better align with their personal values today. My aim is to help people shed sex negative messages (that sex is bad/harmful/shameful/unpleasant) and embrace sex positivity. Sex positivity is the idea of not judging ourselves and other people for their sexual interests. If you’re interested in a sexual act and all parties are consenting adults and no one is unwillingly being harmed, enjoy what feels exciting/interesting to you! Many people are taught that sex should look a very simplistic/scripted way, and my job is to help people expand beyond that and help them explore whatever feels exciting for them. You might be thinking: that sounds extreme, but in its simplest form, sometimes I’m helping couples just explore new positions, times of day to have sex, using lubrication for the first time, or finding the clitoris. Sometimes it IS more intense than that but I want you to understand that sex therapy isn’t something that only people interested in kinky sex are into. I see everyday people in everyday relationships exploring how to make sex work in a very stress-filled world.
I also help people in relationships find balance. Many couples come to me with a lot of unspoken expectations that lead to resentment and I want to help them see that the way to connection is less about being “right” and more about collaborating with the other person through understanding and empathy to reach some form of mutual agreement.
An additional piece to note is that all of my work is conducted virtually. I currently see residents of OH, KY, and Fl from anywhere they feel most comfortable and can find some privacy. This saves a lot of people the hassle of a commute or having to find childcare, and allows them to create a comfortable space to process all of the feelings coming up for them. My clients and I have all found it to be a really helpful modality for therapy.
In addition to all of the work I do with clients, I am also a clinical supervisor, helping new clinicians gain skills to work with people in relationships and getting comfortable talking to clients about sex. It’s so rewarding to watch new clinicians grow in their confidence in working with complex relationship concerns! I also provide training in collaboration with my colleague, Matthew Lachman, through The Institute for Sex Positive Therapy. We offer CE trainings for other professionals to learn how to confidently work with clients on a wide variety of sexual issues. So if you can’t tell yet, my passion is all about educating people on how to be more sex positive. I want everyone to feel comfortable and confident having conversations about sex with anyone in their life they want to share with. I believe that this leads to deeper connections and feeling much more known by others in our lives.
Can you tell us about what’s worked well for you in terms of growing your clientele?
In therapy, as in many fields, it can take a while to grow one’s practice and takes a lot of work, especially if you don’t accept insurance. I chose not to accept insurance because insurance is very limiting in what they will provide coverage for, and they provide almost no coverage for relationship therapy, let alone sex therapy. Therefore, as a private pay practitioner, most of my referrals come from word of mouth.
I got very intentional with going to networking meetings to connect with others in my field so we could be trusted referral sources for one another. I also wrote hand written postcards to therapists in similar fields (i.e. couples therapists) to connect via Zoom so we could better get to know each other and collaborate on cases. I wrote tons of letters to doctors offices (gynecologists, pelvic floor PTs, urologists, etc.) and mailed brochures to let them know I’m an available resource for their patients, should they need it.
I also use Facebook groups a lot as a way to get info about my practice out there. There are many therapist referral network groups on Facebook that allow us to connect to one another and find the right fit for our clients.
In addition to all of that, I also subscribed to a couple of referral websites like PsychologyToday or TherapyDen. It’s another great way to help clients find you based on your niche.
So for me, the most effective strategy has been making a personal connection with others. It helps people remember you and lets them know what kind of person you are so that you stand out when they’re thinking of making a referral. And it’s incredibly helpful for me for the same reason – I now have awesome, trusted people I can send my clients to as needed.
Learning and unlearning are both critical parts of growth – can you share a story of a time when you had to unlearn a lesson?
A lesson I had to unlearn is about following similar businesses on social media. Our culture is very productivity driven and social media leads to A LOT of comparing about how my business is doing compared to others. As a result, I would often panic and pay for way too many different services to help me get more clients or grow my business and I was burning myself out. I had to learn that the comparison game wasn’t helpful and to unfollow people who caused that to come up in me. It’s nice to support my colleagues in the field and see how they’re doing, but not at the expense of my self-confidence and overall well-being. So I’ve learned that there are a few people in my field that I can follow (that aren’t local/I don’t consider “competition”) so that I don’t freak out so much. Instead, I can enjoy my own journey and my own process and remind myself about what I want from MY business.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.beknowntherapy.com
- Instagram: @beknowntherapy
- Facebook: facebook.com/beknowntherapy
- Other: www.sexpositivetherapy.org for CE trainings
Image Credits
Photographer: Julie Doran Photography