We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Johnathan Hornig. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Johnathan below.
Alright, Johnathan thanks for taking the time to share your stories and insights with us today. We’d love to hear the backstory behind a risk you’ve taken – whether big or small, walk us through what it was like and how it ultimately turned out.
As a child I developed a belief system I was born to be fixed. At birth I had entered this world with physical defects which required many reparative surgeries throughout most of my life into my young adulthood. This helped foster the idea I was broken and different from anyone else in my immediate world. My family always made sure I was well cared for however, I did not receive the emotional support that was required. This was simply not an aspect of my life to be embraced by others. This only reinforced the made up propaganda in my own mind. I found ways to self sooth by making sure I wasn’t a burden on others so I could be rewarded by some affection. Later in my adolescence I developed a standard of self care which included copious amounts of drug use. This lasted into my until I was 19. At which time I was savagely sexually assaulted by a pair of drug dealers. My only recourse was avoidance at the time which lasted over 30 years. During that time I buried a child, married my high school sweetheart, had another child with similar defects I was born with, then divorced, and began raising my son with the assistance of family. A few years later I came out of the closet and began living somewhat of a renaissance period. As a high school dropout I obtained my GED and then three consecutive college degrees along with my NYS Clinical License in Social Work. I then met and married the monster or my dreams. My now ex-husband turned out to be my warden in a ten year abusive relationship. As I entered my 40th rotation around the sun I knew it was time to take a risk in order to live. I was left financially and emotionally bankrupt however, I was alive. It took all I had to walk away from what I thought was my continued existence of brokenness. As I began to rebuild my life over the next seven years the air around me became fresher. Yet, I still couldn’t fully inhale which only became more stringent as the years rolled on. At age 47 the deprivation of oxygen from my lack of fundamental breathing took hold of my mental status. My brain function began to decrease while images of my supposed long forgotten past began to infiltrate my daily and nightly thoughts. I became hunted by shocking monstrous uncontrollable slideshows. As I found out later these were the repressed memories of my sexual assault and parts of my abuse my brain attempted to avoid in order to survive. The all consuming experiences became overwhelming to the point of perceived insanity. This led to the only alternative of me ending my life. I did not want to die, I just did not know how to live. Fortunately, I did live and was faced with taking the ultimate risk. Do I choose live my second chance at life or simply exist until the overwhelm comes again? I proud to say I took that risk which has enabled me to share my story with you today.
Johnathan , before we move on to more of these sorts of questions, can you take some time to bring our readers up to speed on you and what you do?
Absolutely, I am now 55 years old and for the past eight years I’ve been on a mental health recovery journey. I have been gaining insight, strength, knowledge, wisdom, patience, self compassion, self love, and perseverance to add into my mental health toolbox. Accessing and utilizing these tools have been my greatest superpower. My one true intention is to give back. I am fortunate to have had a stupendous group of healers along my internal regentrification project. I began reclaiming my skills as a social worker to engage with folks who may have walked a similar road as mine. I’ve given first hand experience Domestic Violence Abuse talks. I continue to write a blog chronicling my healing through poetry. I cohost a wellness podcast called, Belly Talk. I recently was a guest on a local radio show speaking about my life experiences. I also was an invited speaker at a local public event sharing the history of Harvey Milk’s Freedom Speech. I volunteer as a guest greeter in my local lgbtq+ community center. In addition, I’m currently writing a self help memoir offering men the invitation to address their own personal trauma experiences. Being an individual living daily with mental health symptoms my greatest pride is allowing myself permission to practice living in the moment. This includes offering myself compassion which does not allow for my journey to be defined by my mental health. It is an significantly active aspect of my life yet is only one part of who I am.
We’d love to hear about how you met your business partner.
It would be my honor to share how I crossed paths with such an incredible inspiring human being. The universe delighted me with the gift of meeting my talented podcast cohost/mentor, Jonathan Fischer aka Coach Cub during the COVID pandemic. At the time our planet was in the grips of a never ending darkness of our modern day version of a plague. As I hid in the isolation of my beach town apartment in Long Island, NY I scoured the internet for any echoes of connection. Just when I was giving up hope a glow appeared as if I was a lone sailor witnessing a single beam of an on shore lighthouse. It was an invitation to a gay bear zoom meditation class. I not only had been cut off from civilization I was limited with my spiritual connection since my major depressive disorder had been collaborating with the pandemic governing my life for many months. The following we I embraced zoom for the first time and found my way into Jon’s meditation room. His smile immediately left an indelible imprint on my heart center. He and five other participants introduced themselves. We all shared similar experiences of aloneness with our craving for human & spirit filled connection. It turned out Jon or Coach Cub was the organizer and mastermind behind the Coach Cub Body Positive Project for Gay/Bi Bear Men Movement. This includes 1:1 coaching, day workshops, weeklong wellness retreat both nationally and internationally. As well as several online services such as weekly meditation which was birthed out of the COVID surge. I began attending several of the online classes such as meditation, yoga, and simple fitness. This went on as long as NY remained under lockdown. Eventually our planet began to “normalize” and face to face contact no long became a possible death sentence. I did remain connected with the meditation group to this day. However, Jon and I eventually met in person to officially cement our foundation of friendship. Through our relationship I learned how to give myself permission to practice self care on a regular basis. I attended a few day workshops with Coach Cub and then a two week long wellness retreat in Portugal as well as a week in New Orleans called Camp Bear Hug. Not only were these experiences life changing on so many levels personally it also took my relationship with Jon to another dimension. We agreed as similar as we were the varied life experiences made for a unique connection. This gave was to the creation of the Belly Talk Podcast. We both have a deep passion to serve and give voice to the gay/bi/trans Bear wellness movement. Our individual insights blend just enough to co-create healing conversations between ourselves and the countless guests who have helped us expand the narrative of what the Bear Community means on various continents of the planet. Coach Cub, my beloved friend Jon has grown to be such a valuable asset in my personal healing journey over the past four to five years. Not only am I a better version of myself for knowing him, I’m a more self aware healer as well. He too is such a talented wellness coach, retreat leader, and simply an outstanding person.
Is there mission driving your creative journey?
Yes, the driving goal of my mission is to share my truth. I learned along my road of mental health recovery after attempting to end my life eight years ago my love language is, to be of service. I’ve been dedicated to leaving our planet in better shape than it was when I first got here. As I mentioned I’m a Licensed Clinical Social Worker which has afforded me over 30 years of studying the human condition. I’m now using my academic skills in addition to my life, near death experiences to fully integrate a spectrum of giving back to those in need on any format possible. I’m blessed to have touched hundreds of ears with our podcast. I also utilize my blog and various social media accounts to share personalized motivational content. I share my story when invited to on the radio or in classrooms as well as community events. Agreeing to be apart of this article is also a perfect way to have my truth be heard. I approach life with an open heart with the goal of reaching individuals whom may benefit from hearing my insights. I further use the medium of abstract art to share parts of my story which has been shown in various community based art exhibits. Anything I can do to raise the vibration of healing in our collective consciousness I’m here for. We are all in this together I’m all about infusing more joy into our world. One smile at a time.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.coachcub.com/
- Instagram: @therealjohnnybear69
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thebellyclub
- Youtube: https://youtube.com/@bellytalkpod?si=mDR_xUIUE1LbJQew
- Other: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/belly-talk/id1531965475
https://open.spotify.com/show/04vq7Xw4zh11cs1Ldcdnfv?si=QTU9vVxjS8irFcl2M8FYdg
