We were lucky to catch up with John Thornburg recently and have shared our conversation below.
Alright, John thanks for taking the time to share your stories and insights with us today. What’s been the most meaningful project you’ve worked on?
The most meaningful project that I have worked on is actually being completed as I write this! My band Asterhouse is finishing a 15-song record. We are so excited to share it with the world! While we have already released several albums, this project is far and above the most personal.
The songs we chose to record for this project were written over the last 3 years.
Without going into much detail, the last three years have been simultaneously the most beautiful, and the most difficult of my life. I feel that I have lived a million different lives, and been a billion different people along the way. The album is about two close friends. The characters live very different lives. One is optimistic and carefree, while the other pessimistic and fatalistic. Throughout the record, the friends experience life through different lenses. As their stories converge, they face many hardships. For the first time, I am nervous about releasing music because the songs live uncomfortably close to my heart. This project was a great opportunity for the band to loosen the reins, and allow ourselves to be vulnerable.
John, before we move on to more of these sorts of questions, can you take some time to bring our readers up to speed on you and what you do?
I am the singer/songwriter/drummer and (on occasion) guitar player for Asterhouse! I am the singer/songwriter/drummer and (on occasion) guitar player for Asterhouse! I also release solo music under my name. I can’t think of a time in my life when I wasn’t obsessed with music, and the craft of songwriting. During my adolescence, a love of music, and the necessity to express myself within a medium I felt safe in, became almost dangerously interwoven, and I haven’t looked back since. I hesitate to describe my want to create as a survival tactic, more-so a rebellion against everything that hurts.
As far as what Asterhouse provides… that is a difficult question to answer. I feel more confident explaining what we HOPE to provide. Our deepest desire is to make the listener feel something based in positivity. We hope that our ridiculous live performances make someone smile. (Even if that smile is born from the relief that you are not us!) Simply, Asterhouse would love to be there for you during a difficult time. Just as our musical heroes guided us through dark years, we would be honored to hold your hand as well.
While I earn money playing music on the weekends, I never entered the field with dreams of sustainability, or excess. I have always felt uncomfortable attaching capitol to something that is rooted in freedom. By freedom, I mean the freedom of the mind and heart. While earning compensation for what I create is a fantastic blessing, a lack of material return wouldn’t cause me to bat an eye. I’m still going to play too loud, too much, and far too late.
My self-imposed mission is to put as much music out into the world, without worrying about how it will be received. In the unlikely event that one of our songs miraculously makes a million dollars, great. If I never see a cent from what I create, that is great too. At the risk of sounding like a defeatist, the freest I have ever felt as an artist is when I gave up on expectations, and expected nothing in return. In this way, (as skewed and detrimental as my choices may be) I am doing what I can to honor my core artistic values. In short, I’m going down with my ship, and enjoying every second of it.
Let’s talk about resilience next – do you have a story you can share with us?
At the tender ages of 15, 16, and 12, we were playing 21 and over venues. These venues were often full of patrons who were belligerently drunk, touchy, and verbally abusive. As a new singer, I was absolutely petrified of being vulnerable in front of a rowdy audience. I would push through my anxiety because my love for music slightly outweighed my fear of judgement. (but very, VERY slightly!) After performances, I was consistently assailed with insults by inebriated patrons. The feedback was dreadful. I would hear insults such as “you should quit” “You can’t sing” “You shouldn’t write a song like that”, “why do you act that way on stage?”, among other inappropriate offences.
In your adolescence, you are taught to trust the opinions of adults. Because of this conditioning, I essentially became the nay-sayer’s negativity. I wasn’t good enough for anyone, and my inferiority complex was galvanized in a way that I can’t even begin to describe.
This is when I developed stage anxiety. Before shows, I would experience panic attacks, and often vomit before and after performances. I had even passed out in front of an audience! These episodes lasted for 7 years. I am glossing over many details, and leaving out stories that probably don’t belong on this platform. In short, the insults were just the tip of the iceberg among the seedy, sexually charged, and unsupportive environment that me and the band were in.
Burning under all of the turmoil was the tiniest flame. Currently, I am a college student by day, and a music instructor by evening. My stage fright began to slowly ebb away when I started coaching adolescent musicians. My student’s successes helped me to unspool the faulty connections I had made about my own musical journey. I began to see music for what I had always believed it to be, a vehicle for happiness. Whether the happiness lives solely within me, or is transferred to a listener, it all comes from a place of wonder. Even if a song is inspired by turmoil, releasing it changes you forever. Speaking personally, the release of emotions has had the power to convert negative experiences into something meaningful. In this way, I am giving a horrible event a chance to change within my narrative. In this way, the horrifying moments of my past stare me down, just to say “I’m sorry”.
For you, what’s the most rewarding aspect of being a creative?
I believe that songwriting and storytelling is psychologically explorative. I have learned so much about myself by allowing my subconscious to speak through my music. I often think of songwriting like dreaming. Sometimes, I will finish a song and think “whoa, what is going on in that cracked skull of mine?!”. As the thoughts work their way into a song, I try not to judge them. Whether the expressions are ugly, joyous, or otherwise, they lived inside of me, so they must have some sort of value. And, of course, connecting with individuals through music is extremely rewarding. I have learned so much about the humanity of others through forming connections based strictly on emotionality. Music has the power to disarm, and bring people together.
Contact Info:
- Instagram: instagram.com/asterhousemusic
- Facebook: Facebook.com/asterhousemusic
- Youtube: YouTube.com/asterhouseofficial
- Other: Link to listen to Asterhouse-https://open.spotify.com/artist/1PSMheCYLCq1BzwX4whaD0 Link to Listen to John Thornburg solo music– https://open.spotify.com/artist/1XjaQu5stUpTGmkZpdv6VM KEXP in-studio live performance https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_USikcwlTHU
Image Credits
Live performance images -Travis Trautt Individual Pictures-Brittne Lunniss