We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Johari Mayfield a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Alright, Johari thanks for taking the time to share your stories and insights with us today. Was there a defining moment in your professional career? A moment that changed the trajectory of your career?

Defining moment: Getting Sober at at 45 years old. This is a summary of my journey as an artist to sobriety.

Hiding in Plain Sight: From Broadway to the Bottle and Starting Over Sober

Dancer. Choreographer. Teaching Artist. Personal Trainer. This “all things related to movement” daisy chain of identities is something that I wear with pride.

The clever flower metaphor, to be sure, also integrates some of the things that have created my foundation that I would classify as fertilizer: shame and fear.

Let me back up, down towards stage left, and start here: I’m Johari, and I have been dancing my whole life.

My plan when I came to New York City was to dance, with dreams of “FAME! I’m gonna going to live forever!” (to date myself just a bit). I can hear the song in my head and can sing it. I grew up with the TV show, went to a performing arts school, and performed in every major theatre in NYC.

Being an expert mover, I had the ability to hide and dodge things. Or so I thought.

There was the time after a rehearsal when I went out with friends for $2 margarita night, added in some Jameson shots, and, after sliding under a bar, ending up on my neighbors stoop making a mess. I remember waking up on my couch with a note for my roommate on me saying “Jo got a little sick.” I remember downing an entire bottle of Nyquil and performing, in a gallery, a piece on themes of bondage and Roman Catholicism. I have no idea, how I got through it, but I did know that NyQuil was a great substitute for other substances when the drug store was more accessible. You could also find me, then, grocery shopping while high or drunk, walking up and down the aisles taking swigs in plain sight.

You see, hiding in plain sight like that, I figured, was always the best place to hide. As a seasoned performer, I got so good at role-playing, camouflaging and artfully dodging things that I hid who I was as “the child who loves to dance and move” and used it to wear a thousand masks instead. Soon, those layers became suffocating enough for me to have to seek out help.

I chose recovery in a room where a bunch of different “me’s” that are black, white, gay, straight, old, young, transgender, mother, father share their experiences openly and start to take off those masks in favor of dealing with who they really are, and moving through life that way, no matter how painfully naked it feels, at times.

In sobriety, I’m learning how to support and love “the woman who loves to dance and move.” I’m letting go of the need to be seen. It’s more about connecting with others.

Since entering recovery, I have a new life as an artist, teaching artist and personal trainer because I have a greater ability to help others in recovery from a myriad of illnesses and challenges. I understand that change is hard from a deep and visceral place. I used to be on automatic pilot and just “do do do” whether I was in pain or not. I did not care about my feelings. Numbness got things done. Now that my feelings are returning I see that others have them too. Because I’m being more truthful about myself, I’m less fearful and showing up as myself everywhere I go. I had no idea how liberating that would be.

So, I also started teaching fitness in rehab centers. Participants are coming off of drugs and alcohol. Because who I’ve been, I can meet people with empathy and compassion. Regarding the task master mentality- although I got cash and prizes, I created a lot of destruction in my life and to those around me.

My film, Recovery, is one of the first pieces that I’ve made where I’m showing up unmasked. I can actually breathe. It’s one of the first pieces I’ve done where I’m not trying to prove something. I hope that it creates a feeling of connectivity with anyone coming back from a setback.

I’m sharing this now because I have a new start. I’ve lost a friends to an overdose. Ever since their funerals, I made a promise to be a lighthouse of hope for women in recovery, and for women who may be starting over for any number of reasons at a time they may consider “late in life.”

Movement and dance to heal lives. I wasn’t thinking about that before. I wasn’t thinking about much besides myself. Now, I care about people and how they feel beyond what the physical body is able to do.

Movement is the primary focus of my work, but I also have a message: we are more than our bodies, and we have the strength to brave enough to live within them without anything that alters who we truly are.

Great, appreciate you sharing that with us. Before we ask you to share more of your insights, can you take a moment to introduce yourself and how you got to where you are today to our readers.

Liveinthemovement was always been my mantra as a choreographer, activist, healer, and ACE certified personal trainer living in New York City. After training extensively in ballet with Sylvester Campbell, I received a scholarship to the Ailey School, where I studied for over two years. I have been a performer in NYC with Forces of Nature Dance Theatre, Joan Miller’s Dance Players, and Peggy Choy Dance Company. As a choreographer, my work has been presented at several different venues including HERE Arts Center, The Gatehouse at Aaron Davis Hall, 45 Bleecker Theater, and Dance Theatre Workshop (now New York Live Arts) and The Theatre at the 14th St Y I received her ACE certification in 1998 and, since then, I’ve been an avid personal trainer, providing both group and private instruction for a diverse range of movers.

In addition to dance, fitness, and choreography, I’ve authored two comic books: Wildcard, written with visual artist Teylor Smirl, and Wildlife. Wildcard was publicly presented in January 2011 as part of the Schomberg Center for Research in Black Culture’s conference “The State of African American and African Diaspora Studies: Methodology, Pedagogy, and Research.” I’ve also conducted research on the therapeutic potential of creative movement training in treating victims of s*x trafficking. I self published Ayana and Jamal Dance Presents, a coloring book that addresses the need for children to remember the importance of movement and healthy food choices. My community outreach initiatives have included children’s workshops on healthy eating at Lincoln Medical and Mental Health Center, and movement and fitness with Girls Education and Mentoring Service (GEMS), an organization committed to empowering survivors of s*xual exploitation and Reveal NYC, a nonprofit organization that encourages female survivors of domestic violence in self-care.

In October 2017, I traveled to Uganda with Lend a Hand Uganda and a team of volunteers to support the schools and communities. In September 2019, I choreographed and performed “Recovery” at The Theatre at the 14th St Y. In addition to sharing my journey in recovery from journey in recovery from substance use disorder through dance, I created Afro Cardio Jam and Smoothie Social, a workout workshop aimed at supporting others in recovery through dance and nutrition. In 2020, I created Johari Mayfield/Live In The Movement LLC where I teach dance and movement to children and seniors and people with disabilities. Most currently, I’m a teaching artist with Misty Copeland Foundation, Marquis Studios, Ifetayo Cultural Arts Academy and Eryc Taylor Dance Outreach.

We’d love to hear a story of resilience from your journey.

At 2 years sober, I wrote, choreographed and danced a new piece and created a dance and nutrition workshop for people in recovery. In the creation of “Recovery” and “Afro Cardio Jam and Smoothie Social,” I created healthy approaches to make art as well as use my fitness experience to help others to heal, thrive and have a sense of joy and connection in sobriety.

What’s a lesson you had to unlearn and what’s the backstory?

I used to think that perfectionism would save my life and was the key to happiness. While going to recovery meetings, I met another dancer “Ellen” (not her name). She was a soloist with a major ballet company in NYC. We started hanging out, even dancing together on a basketball court with our friend “Steven” who was also in recovery. One day, I went to Ellen’s house and I was struck dumb. Her house was covered with empty prescription bottles. It felt like I was in a movie-almost like Requiem for a Dream, but without the special effects. It was so surreal with how many pill bottles I saw. Anyway, it didn’t dawn on me that anything was wrong. Prescription drugs are legal. So is alcohol for that matter. Anyway, on December 16, 2016 Ellen said she had 90 days clean. She was dead two days later and I went to my first Christmas funeral.

The perfectionism part. For my whole life, I idolized dancers like Ellen- white, thin and popular. But staring at her in a coffin, the Sleeping Beauty who would never wake up, my brain started to question some things around addiction and keeping up appearances to always look perfect, looking the part and or hiding pain. I was idolizing an illusion.

I’m now 51 and 7 years sober. I struggle with weight gain, arthritis., etc. And I’m alive and enrolled in a dance program where I’m re-learning how to experience, create and teach dance. My young dance students now witness me as this stuffed animal of sorts with muscles who teaches strength, resilience, and champions asking for help. My name is “Mrs. Red Fox” to them, a teacher trickster who gets them to enjoy the freedom and discipline of dance and movement with joy and play. Progress is perfection and doing our best for today is perfection are two guiding principles.

I have relationships based on truth in business and in my personal life, even if it means I disappoint people and look less than perfect. Transparency about my true feelings has helped me to reconnect with myself and others.
I learned that perfectionism won’t keep me from dying, it will keep me from living.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://joharimayfield.com
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/joharimayfield/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/joharimoves
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/johari-mayfield-a5a84621/
• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@joharimayfield9321

Image Credits

Peter Dressel Photography