We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Joel Elfman a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Hi Joel, thanks for joining us today. What’s the kindest thing anyone has ever done for you?

My widowed mother over about 10 year period was struggling with losing her ability to talk, first aphasia and then dementia. I was the sole caregiver for many years. Luckily, Mom was almost always smiling and happy. Even though she couldn’t talk, everyone loved being in her energy and presence. She rarely had any of the anger or upset, many people with dementia exhibit.

In what turned out to be the last year of her life, my brother moved from Los Angeles to New York City to help. He uprooted himself after 30 years of living in LA to assist with our mother in what turned out to be her final year. That last year was challenging and emotionally draining, as she was mostly bed-ridden, drinking only liquid food, until she finally passed away quietly, smiling in her sleep.

I am eternally grateful for my brother’s amazing support and help that final year. And after she passed, he stayed in NYC. We shared our parents’ old apartment in Manhattan growing even closer, and then later we moved together to the Bronx through the worst of Covid and beyond. Soon he is going back to LA. I will miss him tremendously when he moves back to the West Coast.

Joel, love having you share your insights with us. Before we ask you more questions, maybe you can take a moment to introduce yourself to our readers who might have missed our earlier conversations?

For most of my life I was nervous and a little shy, as a kid, and later as an adult. I loved to read science fiction and fantasy books, played Dungeons and Dragons, and was kind of nerdy before nerds/geeks became cool.

I was beginning to dip my toe into New Age, Eastern schools of thought, and Alternative Health offerings; energy work, crystals, qigong, acupuncture, etc. when I ended up in a very well-known New Age bookstore in NYC. Wandering around among the crystals, books, and incense, I stumbled across a free newspaper, with an ad for a 1/2 day workshop in hypnosis. I was intrigued.

I had seen stage hypnosis and some movies/books that exploited some of the common myths and misconceptions about hypnosis, which made me nervous. I didn’t know if I went I was going to cluck like a chicken, sign my life savings away, or both. I’d always been fascinated by how the brain works, and during the workshop, I started to learn how I could help myself and others. I kept taking classes and studying for about 5 years when something happened at work that planted the bug about changing careers. It wasn’t a big thing but it was enough to trigger my unconscious, to get me thinking, and exploring options. Finally, I decided to take the plunge and create a new career from what I had been learning.

If I had to do it all over again, I’m not sure if I would have done it the same way. I started as a solo practitioner from scratch without a mentor. At a minimum, I wish I had gotten a business coach early, and maybe avoided some of the common pitfalls I encountered. I would not change this career. I love helping people explore their unconscious and become the change they want.

Many of the people I help are stuck; with a belief, a habit, something they’ve been trying to change for a while, but somehow they just can’t make the change they wanted. Stop smoking, losing weight, increasing confidence, releasing stress & anxiety, becoming more comfortable presenting in public, reducing trauma, improving sleep, etc. are just a few ways I help people change for the better. I’m a strong believer in supporting people to discover their natural resilience, regardless of the issues they are working on.

I believe everyone can change. It is just a matter of assisting them to feel safe and comfortable and then finding the right way for them to become who they want to be. These days, a lot of work I do is less about putting people into deep trance and more about doing the work conversationally and holistically. What makes me different is In the past few years, I’ve been paying much more attention to people’s gestures, breathing, movement, and tension in their body. In BodyMind Hypnosis, your body says as much about what is going on inside your head, as the words you speak. And it is a beautiful and fun way to work, that can help you get out of your logical mind and over-thinking, and into your breath, body, emotions and untapped solutions. Connecting to the ways you are physically expressing yourself can make change happen more easily. And I am continually exploring new ways of both body and mind to support you to find your unique path.

I work with all sorts of business and tech people of all ages. I love working with clients who have an interest in self-exploration; whether that is reading self-help books, taken classes or just have a natural passion to move and exercise. People who “talk with their hands”, i.e. gesture a lot are also wonderful clients, their mind and body are already communicating in brilliant ways with each other. How much you gesture or don’t, doesn’t matter as much, as your willingness to explore the connections in your mind, body, the world around and all the places in-between.

Learning and unlearning are both critical parts of growth – can you share a story of a time when you had to unlearn a lesson?

Always Honor a client’s beliefs, and don’t let my beliefs influence what a client needs or how to work with them.

Many years ago, when I was very new to my practice, I took a booth at a large New Age convention in NYC. A well-dressed woman in her 40’s stopped at my table. And she told me “she couldn’t lose weight because she was sexually abused in a past life.” I can’t tell you exactly why, but this set off the skeptic meter in my head. Looking back I didn’t honor my client’s beliefs. What I know now is how I can better use her belief system to help her make the change she wanted.

Back then, even while doubting the cause she attributed to her weight loss problem, I wanted to figure out what I might do to help her. Is there something safe & simple I could do in the middle of a convention center, in front of lots of people and that would not trigger any trauma? So I decided on a basic Arm Levitation & Release, would be comfortable for her, and for the environment we were in. I made sure to load in many layers of safety protocols; a big exit button, guardians, angels, mentors & guides to watch over her, and a few other elements, (I can’t remember specifically at the moment) to ensure a smooth process.

I carefully watched her during the Arm Levitation for any signs of distress, ready to act. She went through the experience easily and in a very relaxed manner. And talking to her, after she returned from trance, her body, her voice had a sense of unstressed comfort and ease. It seemed like something had shifted for the better.

At this point, I stuck my foot in it. I said to her, “I’m not sure if this was a past life issue”. She started to look a little crestfallen and sad, and I got the impression, that I had, at least partially, messed with the work we had just done.

On a large scale, it was a big lesson in working with clients’ beliefs and not fighting with them. It rarely if ever works. If I can’t handle that, they perhaps I am not the right person to work with them, and I’m recommend someone else. In regard specifically to past lives, it was the start of my learning that real or not, total imagination or actual past life, it is a brilliant place to work from. Whatever they remember or have constructed is directly related to what they want work on, and can bring wonderful results.

Training and knowledge matter of course, but beyond that what do you think matters most in terms of succeeding in your field?

I would encourage people to find a mentor, or explore getting a coach for business, marketing, and/or sales if they don’t have experience in those areas. I had never worked for myself before, and being organized and on top of things was a challenge in the beginning.

Also, many coaches are good at what they do, but they don’t know how to market themselves, or to sell themselves in a conversation. It doesn’t have to be a hard sell, but gently reminding people about how you can help them. It’s a business, there is a difference between helping everyone for free and running a business. If you give too much away for free, too often people won’t value you or follow your advice. And you won’t have a sustainable business or practice.

I made a. ton of mistakes in these areas, and wish some of my lessons had come sooner. There are a lot of biz coaches, marketers, etc selling their services, and it is hard to figure out which ones are right for you. I would say be careful about spending money here, and with the right person or company, it is a very worthwhile investment.

Contact Info:

• Website: http://www.bodymindhypnotic.com
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/joel.elfman1
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/joel-elfman-bodymind-hypnotic
• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCk35Qmrs6VRlVZedrwhWDzA

Image Credits
Joel Elfman