We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Jill Stoddard. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Jill below.
Jill, thanks for joining us, excited to have you contributing your stories and insights. Can you open up about a risk you’ve taken – what it was like taking that risk, why you took the risk and how it turned out?
Willingness to take risks is probably the biggest way I have grown in my career. Most notably, I had an opportunity to give a TEDx talk–a bucket-list-professional-dream I had on my list of career goals. I had been preparing but wasn’t ready when the opportunity arose. It was during the pandemic and I had gained a lot of weight which *logically* I knew shouldn’t matter, but I had been called names as a pudgier kid and memorializing myself on video at a time I felt desperately insecure just hit too many of my old tender spots. I was terrified and filled with self-doubt. So I used a technique I often use with my therapy clients. I asked myself “WWOD: What would Oprah do?” Oprah is a person who embodies the qualities I wish to embody–she has persevered through sexism, body shaming, and many other obstacles like racism, poverty, and abuse. She has never let those things stop her. She has used her money and power to make the world a better place. And she is always authentically, unapologetically herself. It was a no brainer. If I wanted to walk through the world like Oprah, I had to do the TEDx talk. I also asked myself, “WWOS?” What would Oprah say if she knew I was struggling in this way. I imagined her saying, “Jill, you are so much more than your body. If you have a message to share, that is your professional mission. If it helps even just one person, you are living your values.” So I did the talk. Importantly, I didn’t wait to feel more confident or ready. I didn’t wait to lose weight. I did it scared. When I watch it now, my inner critic watches it with me and it’s painful to watch. AND I’m so glad I did it and so proud of myself for making a choice that was driven by my values not dictated by my painful thoughts and feelings.
Awesome – so before we get into the rest of our questions, can you briefly introduce yourself to our readers.
Growing up I never felt good enough. I was called ‘tubby,’ ‘little tubette,’ and ‘tubby tubby two by four.’ I tried to people-please my way to love and acceptance, being who I thought others wanted and needed me to be. I got good grades. Was the president of student council. Followed (most of) the rules and was nice and polite (like girls are expected to be). It never occurred to me to look inside, to consider who I wanted to be and how I wanted to live. Feeling less than sometimes led me to avoid challenge for fear of rejection, failure, or being outed as a fraud. Sometimes it led me to overachieve in an effort to prove myself. But in 2001 I was introduced to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and I’ve been building a bolder, more meaningful life ever since. Don’t get me wrong—it has not been easy or pain-free, quite the contrary. But I learned skills to cultivate psychological flexibility to create a life worth living even when things get hard. It is my professional mission to share those skills with others.
I share psychological flexibility skills and other science-backed ideas from psychology in my roles as a clinical psychologist, bariatric coach, professional speaker, writer, and podcaster. I founded The Center for Stress and Anxiety Management (CSAM) sixteen years ago. CSAM is a group psychotherapy practice specializing in evidence-based treatments for anxiety and related issues for clients in California. I also provide coaching (nationwide) to clients who have undergone bariatric surgery and want to maintain long-term success. I am the author of three books about ACT and psychological flexibility: The Big Book of ACT Metaphors: A Practitioner’s Guide to Experiential Exercises and Metaphors in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy; Be Mighty: A Woman’s Guide to Liberation from Anxiety, Worry, and Stress Using Mindfulness and Acceptance; and Imposter No More: Overcome Self-doubt and Imposterism to Cultivate a Successful Career. I have also written for the Washington Post, Psychology Today, Scary Mommy, Thrive Global, The Good Men Project, and Mindful Return. I regularly appear on podcasts and as an expert source for various media outlets, and I co-host a psychology podcast called Psychologists Off the Clock. We interview experts about science-backed ideas in psychology to help listeners flourish in their relationships, work, and health. One of my favorite professional activities is public speaking. Whether giving a 1hr keynote, two-day workshop, or anything in between, I love connecting with audiences in ways that help them grow. When I’m not speaking, podcasting, writing, or working with clients, I am usually reading or hanging out with my friends, husband, two kids, and disobedient French Bulldog.
Training and knowledge matter of course, but beyond that what do you think matters most in terms of succeeding in your field?
If I could get humans to improve on one thing that would help them succeed in my field or any other, it would be learning to get comfortable being uncomfortable. So much of what we do or don’t do is dictated by our desire to avoid discomfort. Think about the challenges we would take on, the interpersonal interactions we would have, the risks we would take if we were willing to do it in the presence of internal discomfort. This is one of the main ideas I focus on in my talks, writing, therapy, and coaching. It’s a huge growth edge for so many and is incredibly impactful when we strengthen our willingness to sit with discomfort.
If you could go back, would you choose the same profession, specialty, etc.?
Contact Info:
- Website: www.jillstoddard.com
- Instagram: @jillastoddard
- Linkedin: jillstoddardphd
- Other: Clinic website: www.csamsandiego.com Speaker website: www.thewellbeingspeakers.com Podcast website: www.offtheclockpsych.com
Image Credits
For my 2 headshots: Rich Soublet