We recently connected with Jewel Hohman and have shared our conversation below.

Hi Jewel, thanks for joining us today. We’d love to hear about the best advice you’ve ever given to a client? (Please note this response is for education/entertainment purposes only and shouldn’t be construed as advice for the reader)

Many clients will tell me things like: “Seriously, Jewel, if I was funnier, if I was more fun like this person, they would initiate more with me” said a client.

This is the lie, the trap, I was stuck in for YEARS of my life.

I asked this client what it would mean if they initiated more with her, and she said: “It would mean I am a valuable enough person and I don’t have to worry about being left out. It would mean that nothing is wrong with me to fix.”

It sounds logical, it sounds like a productive thing to be concerned about.

Because if we can be liked by others, THEN we will be safe from being excluded. Then it must mean nothing is wrong with us, so we can relax and give ourselves permission to like us.

THEN we can finally feel safe within ourselves and secure in our relationships.

And it’s some BULLSHIT.

Ironically it’s not other people’s acceptance and effort with us that will make us feel enough.

It’s the other way around.

You gotta feel SOOO good about you FIRST, and then you can boldly invite others to love you- even with all of your flaws.

When you feel so good with you, you bring people toward you like a damn magnet!!!!

It’s human to crave other people’s approval and affection. Hell, making sure we belonged to the tribe helped keep us alive! Our brains will always we be concerned with this.

BUT. Trying to figure out how to be more liked, comparing ourselves to others, trying to be someone we aren’t- these things will never us create the safety and confidence we want. These behaviors will never help us create the connection and belonging we want.

Feeling good with you has to come first, and when you know how to create feeling good with you no one can take away it.

And how do we feel good with ourselves? We train our brains to think highly of us and to have our own backs when we are flawed. And we can train our brains through a very simple process.

Jewel, love having you share your insights with us. Before we ask you more questions, maybe you can take a moment to introduce yourself to our readers who might have missed our earlier conversations?

knew I could be charming and that people liked me, but when it came to being around a lot of people, it felt like too much for me to manage. I was constantly scanning the faces of others to try to figure out what they were thinking of me. I took everything personally- every comment, every facial expression. I was constantly judging everything I said in did.

These insecurities and anxieties didn’t just show up in large group settings. When my close friends saw me get angry, or cry over something dumb, or make a comment I’m not proud of- I immediately assumed that they saw how “not enough” I was. Then I would avoid them. Then I would go pursue surface level connections with others that didn’t see how flawed I was… but then eventually these people would see me be imperfect too. This kept me really disconnected and lonely.

Years of therapy helped but I still felt disconnected and lonely, and I was getting worried that there wasn’t anything I could to help myself get out of this cycle.

Then I found brain-based coaching and my life radically changed.

I learned that this cycle was just my brain’s habits and that I could change them. This cycle was just a series of thoughts, feelings, and actions that I have made practiced in order to protect myself.

The tools I used to change my brain are so simple. These tools made thoughts, feelings, and actions like a math equation.

Through brain-based coaching, I was able to ACTUALLY know how to create the feeling of safety in social settings. Through brain-based coaching, I was able to actually see, understand, and CHANGE my thoughts, feelings, and actions. Through brain-based coaching, I was able to accept myself and trust other people to accept me.

I was able to soothe myself with social anxiety and not take things personally. I was able to get out of my head and actually enjoy the other people I was around.

Now, my everyday life experience is different. The way interact even with the barista is different! I feel AUTHENTIC, COMFORTABLE, and even MAGNETIC. I have so much fun being me. I’m so present and I have so much fun being around other people.

After I felt so good about me in social settings, I started to explore what else might be possible for me. When the pandemic hit, I realized I was craving deep, meaningful connection. I wanted to be around people that inspired me, and I wanted to have those best friendships that I see in the movies.

This is when I completely immersed myself in friendship research. I learned that every single friendship ever has 3 things. There is no mystical factors to friendship- it all comes down to science.

I decided that I wanted to create the friendships of my dreams. And that is exactly what I did. I created my dream friend group with people that represent who I want to be in the world. These friendships have given my life so much more meaning, fun, and have filled me up in ways I can’t explain.

I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life helping people create this for themselves. And now I help people do it in just 6 months or less.

Combining the brain-based coaching for confidence and self-lovery with the process for meaningful, deep friendships creates fulfilling lives. My mission is to get this in the hands of as many people as possible to create a more connected world.

What do you think helped you build your reputation within your market?

Something I am very proud of is that most of my clients come from referrals. I think this is because I delivering to my clients is always the top priority in my business. My philosophy is undercharge and overdeliver- it lights me up to see my clients rave about my services because they feel like they hit the jackpot. Part of this over-delivery is helping my clients apply the tools without me. I feel like I am Professional Lover of Humans and Connection Activist, so it feels like my duty to empower my people and serve them at the highest level. Most of my people have been aching for help with their social confidence and relationships, I want them to blow their minds with what is possible for them.

Other than training/knowledge, what do you think is most helpful for succeeding in your field?

A couple of things that have really been helpful for my business is connecting with my audience and creating belonging for myself.

I love thinking about my audience as my friends that I get to help. I love writing to them with understanding, possibility, and deep love for them. In the beginning of my business, I was trying to market “right” to attract clients. Then I remembered that my clients are humans that want the gifts I can give them. Feeling connected to my person just magnetizes them to me.

Creating belonging for myself is one of my favorite super powers in business. When you know how to manage your mind to feel belonging, it is easier to post vulnerable shit that serves your people. It is easier to put yourself out there for opportunities. I have been able to be involved in business masterminds with people that are making millions because I’m able to create belonging for myself- this has helped me grow my business so much.

Contact Info:

• Website: jewelhohman.com
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jewel.hohman/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lifecoachjewel
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jewel-hohman-115b001b0
• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjNJ3EbJT6s&t=2s
• Other: Booking link: https://brainbasedconnectioncoach.as.me/freeconsultcall

Image Credits
Madeline Keller, Madeline Auberle, Photowalk Nashville Photography