We were lucky to catch up with Jessica Scalzo recently and have shared our conversation below.

Hi Jessica, thanks for joining us today. How did you get your first job in the field that you practice in today?

Hi, thanks for having me. I’ll tell you the story…

Seated atop a wooden barstool at a gay bar in Seattle, for a friends birthday, I was casually chatting with a stranger. Little did he know that I was at a crossroads. Chronic injuries had recently forced me to take a leave of absence from my part-time job at Trader Joe’s and my dreams of being a professional distance runner we’re evaporating like clouds in the sky being burnt off by the sun. 20 years of an eating disorder, over training, and overworking had led me to this point.

“I’m a peer counselor.” he said. “A What?” I asked, curiosity boiling over into hopefulness.

I ran to my therapist, the one person who radically inspired my interest in therapeutic work, and asked her if she thought people with eating disorders could benefit from a peer counselor. Her emphatic, “yes!” Wide eyes and mouth were all I needed. I set out to find a way to become a peer counselor for athletes with eating disorders.

In 2020 I opened my peer counseling private practice called Compassionate Peer Counseling where I collaborate with peers facing active eating disorders, using my own eating disorder recovery story to provide validation, belonging, and hopefulness of a new way forward.

I’ve had many part-time jobs along the way, however, this was my first experience in this field.

Awesome – so before we get into the rest of our questions, can you briefly introduce yourself to our readers.

My name is Jessica, I’m a sun worshiping Leo, Batman superfan, and I’m obsessed with the color blue. For many years of my life, I took refuge in the cocoon of an eating disorder, relentless athletic training, and overachieving for 20 years of my life. I was protecting myself from the shame, fear, and grief I experienced that was driven by a belief that there was something wrong with me and I wasn’t good enough.

While there were many awards and accolades along the way, it slowly ravaged my body. Chronic injuries became the norm for me, which were soon followed by chronic fatigue, chronic headaches, and long lasting illnesses. I lost 3/4 of my hair, I was cold all the time, and I couldn’t poop. All the vibrant, creative energy I was born with had been drained, and I was left holding the pieces of a shell of myself.

I lost my sport of distance running, which I loved more than anything, and my ability to move and dance, which was how I expressed my love of life.

Most profoundly, I wasn’t able to authentically connect with people because I was so disconnected from myself.

I had reached the end of the rainbow, I was alone, and the pot of gold promised by a thin body and accomplishments was not to be found. I had been chasing an illusion like a religion, and now the curtain had been pulled back.

Self study, an unconventional therapist who believed in me unconditionally, and a relentless curiosity, that would not be snuffed out by self harm, gave me a second chance.

It was through this second chance (which was more realistically about 1000 chances) that I became deeply fascinated by the power of deep self inquiry with a person who could see things that I wasn’t picking up on.

Through the trials and tribulations, I realized how uniquely powerful my story was, and that I could be that person for others.

Compassionate peer counseling, my peer counseling business creates a container for me to be able to use the nuanced insight of my journey combined with my detective level questioning to support athletes with eating disorders in finding the wisdom their own experience holds, while developing their voice to express it. This process naturally loosens their grip on controlling their body and over performing to quiet their pain.

Peer counseling with me is transformative, because it’s a true collaboration between equals that is happening in real time with fresh real life experiences, rather than a framework that I am regurgitating as an expert. I show up vulnerably with my own insecurities to model what this work really looks like, which then opens the door for my peers to touch their vulnerability. There’s less barriers to developing trust because I’ve been through a similar experience, and everything we do is based on choice rather than directives. Because of my natural gift to see the unseen, combined with my inherent, curiosity, peers have an opportunity to access the depth of their souls, that they either became disconnected from or never felt connected with from the beginning.

What fills me with joy and love is witnessing people expand into their uniquely authentic selves, and share that with the world. People who live this way inspire me in my own life, and it’s an honor to be a part of this process in other people’s lives through my peer counseling business.

Learning and unlearning are both critical parts of growth – can you share a story of a time when you had to unlearn a lesson?

Perfectionism and overworking are two things I am in the process of unlearning. They we are a product of my upbringing, excellerated by my experience with an eating disorder, and I brought them into my business. This has led to a lot of overworking with nothing to show for it, except burn out, chronic fatigue, and hopelessness.

I literally broke down in hopelessness, at the beginning of the year, and through that experience learned that I could not keep working in the same way that I always had.

When I was in high school, I used to sit and stare at my homework for hours when I didn’t understand some thing. I would be trying to figure it out and get it just right. I don’t have the type of perfectionism that stops me from doing things. I have the kind that exhausts me because I keep working until I think it’s good enough. Sometimes I’ll stare at a blank word document for an hour, just to come up with one sentence. I end up wasting a lot of time and missing out on things I really enjoy.

It was first brought to my attention in therapy and then as an artist working at Trader Joe’s. I would spend way too long making one sign. My coworker commented that I was trying to get it perfect instead of just getting it done. That was really freeing for me, because when I tried to just get it done, it didn’t take so much mental forcing and energy drain.

I still find myself spending too much time on work, and trying to force things to be just right. The beauty of this is that I can bring these experiences into my peer counseling sessions, because the peers I work with struggle with a very same thing. Peers feel validated and seen because somebody actually knows what their experiences is like, and become hopeful when we discuss new ways of doing things, as well as the real fear and anxiety that comes with letting things be good enough instead of perfect.

Even as I’m responding to your question, I’m giving myself gentle reminders to let whatever comes up in my head be enough.

If you could go back in time, do you think you would have chosen a different profession or specialty?

No!

One perspective, I always offer my peers is that I wouldn’t change a single thing about experiencing an eating disorder and over training. It was very painful, and it is even more painful to look back on. However, it has all been very purposeful and meaningful. I have learned and grown so much from those very painful experiences. I still continue to have painful experiences and they mold and shape me into the person I am right now. They help me know myself at a deeper level.

Often, eating disorder treatment is solely focused on eradicating the eating disorder, without honoring its purpose and the wisdom of the peer to engage in it for protection. I think this has a way of erasing people’s uniquely beautiful life stories. I want people to bask in the richness of their life, exactly as it is. And I want to do that for myself.

The coolest thing about building a business is that it shows me all the places I’m stuck. It kicks up all of my dysfunctional patterns. It reveals where I’m still avoiding things and being dishonest with myself. Even if I have to close my business tomorrow, I wouldn’t go back and change a thing because of the value of insight I received from the experience.

Contact Info:

• Website: www.compassionatepeercounseling.com
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/compassionate.peer.counseling/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CompassionatePeerCounseling
• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@compassionatepeercounseling

Image Credits
Jessica Scalzo Sheri Scalzo