We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Jennifer O’Brien. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Jennifer below.

Alright, Jennifer thanks for taking the time to share your stories and insights with us today. Let’s jump to the end – what do you want to be remembered for?

This is a question I wish more people would ask and answer, it is especially interesting for me to answer because I will not leave behind any immediate family members as they have all preceded me in death, and I have no direct descendants. I am, as it were, the last one standing. Or what is known in my field as a solo-ager.

Ironically, I am not alone as a solo-ager. One in five Americans over the age of 50 are aging alone with no obvious heirs.

So, I want to be remembered as my remaining role – a friend. Not just “a friend,” but a good friend who helped others to be a good friend by encouraging an openness to the tough but essential topics of: 1) Supporting family/uncompensated caregivers – we are one or know one, perhaps several. 2) Thoroughly discussing and preparing for all the details leading up to death, including death, and after death, with our loved ones. 3) Simply being there for those who are grieving.

Jennifer, love having you share your insights with us. Before we ask you more questions, maybe you can take a moment to introduce yourself to our readers who might have missed our earlier conversations?

Teaching physicians the business side of practice and serving as interim leader for several physician organizations, academic departments, and in hospital systems has been my 35+ year career. While doing an interim CEO position for a large, orthopaedic surgery group, I met, fell in love with, and married Bob Lehmberg, MD, a Palliative Care & Hospice physician on faculty at our local medical center.

Palliative Care is the practice of helping patients and their families navigate life-limiting conditions. Hospice is the practice of providing care and comfort to the dying and their loved ones. I admired Bob’s work and knew first hand how important it was because several of my own loved ones had lived with serious illness and died.

We had an absolutely beautiful life together.

One day, Bob felt two lumps on the left side of his neck and was diagnosed with a stage IV metastatic renal clear cell carcinoma. Rather than caring for others we now had to turn our experience and wisdom onto ourselves. During the 22 months Bob lived following his diagnosis I kept an art journal that was later published as a book and has led to my current work of advocating for family caregivers, end-of-life preparation, and grief literacy.

We often hear about learning lessons – but just as important is unlearning lessons. Have you ever had to unlearn a lesson?

Like most people my default conjunction for the longest time was, “but.” As in, “I am an expert but still learning.”

When my late husband was diagnosed with a terminal cancer, I learned the beauty of “and.” We made the absolute most of the time we had left together AND we thoroughly prepared for his death and my survivorship. We hoped for the best AND prepared for the worst.

After this death, my fondness for “and” continues. I am carrying my grief AND going on with, even enjoying, my life. I am struggling with the loss AND healing. I am content AND striving. I could go on AND on.

“Or” is far too binary for most real-life situations. “But” has a harsh sound that requires something to be secondary or a caveat. I have learned that “and” is more inclusive and accurate.

We’d love to hear a story of resilience from your journey.

While my husband was dying, and for a time after he died, I kept an art journal as a form of self care. I created digital collages and then added journal notes to document my thoughts and feelings as a personal outlet. Later, while working in a large physician practice, a neurologist I worked with read it. The neurologist told me I needed to get it published because it could really help a lot of people who are caring for dying loved ones.

I found a small, local press that was willing to take a chance on an 85-page, premium color, picture book about family caregiving and end of life. My journal became the book, The Hospice Doctor’s Widow: A Journal, won four awards including a Nautilus, and has helped thousands of people.

And while this story illustrates resilience, I am going to call it accidental resilience. I was simply driven by the notion that my journal could be helpful to others. I can say unequivocally that I have no regrets; I am committed to helping others by sharing my book, multiple free downloads on my website, and my story. I cannot say it has been easy.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.hospicedrswidow.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hospicedoctorswidow/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/hospicedrswidow
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennifer-o-brien-msod-a3b9491/
• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtgYD1bAJ3igJKNtVb25c-Q

Image Credits
Jennifer A. O’Brien