We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Jennifer Carey a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Jennifer, appreciate you joining us today. Can you open up about a risk you’ve taken – what it was like taking that risk, why you took the risk and how it turned out?

I’m not sure there is anything more vulnerable than singing on stage in front of an audience. Maybe being naked on stage. Still, having something like “our voice” be out there for everyone to hear feels like the biggest risk I have ever taken. And what made it even bigger is it was a childhood and adulthood dream come true. All rolled into one. To go after our dreams takes big risks. Those risks aren’t one and done either, we often have to choose to take a risk, over and over again. Every time we bump into an obstacle on the way to our dreams, we have to take another risk. I have come to learn that a lot of these “obstacles on the way to our dreams are stories. Usually false narratives or limiting beliefs. These stories come from parts within us that think they are keeping us safe. Telling us not to take the chance because of all the what ifs. What if we try and fail? What if we get hurt? What if we are embarrassed? I don’t know what the statistics are but my guess is that most of the time, the stories win. Our vehicles heading toward our dreams are hijacked by parts of us that think preventing us taking risks is the safest way to go. Here’s the story, before, during and after, I got on stage and sang and spoke in front of a live audience.

I’m not sure how conscious I was of it at the time, but now that I look back, I can see how much I kept this secret. Like it was shameful and dirty. Yet it was such an important aspect of everything.
Have you ever kept something hidden? Something precious and clear and pure but you treated it like it was tainted, dirty – shush, shush – don’t tell anyone that PART!
I did this. And I’m going to share with you right now what that secret was – and try to explain why I kept it, in hopes that we may all feel liberated by its illumination.
Okay…. ready? Here it is…. I SANG AT THE SONGBIRDS CABARET AT THE WOW STAGE.
There, I said it.
I not only sang – I sang 5 songs. Did you know that?!? Well, if you went, you certainly know this now but did you know before? Probably not.
I recently told a beloved client that I sang at the Songbirds Cabaret and she was like “WHAT!?!” “If I knew you sang, I would’ve gone!!!”
And suddenly, it dawned on me that I was keeping that part a secret.
Why? Why did I keep the part about me singing a dirty little secret?
I ran through this in my head and I knew. And I even had remnants of consciously leaving it out.
I thought that if people knew I would be singing, they wouldn’t want to come. Instead, I promoted everyone else and kept the fact that I would be singing covered in this mysterious: “come see me make my dreams come true” – but I hid exactly what dreams were coming true. The truth is, I experienced multiple dreams come true that magical weekend of wonder:
Co-orchestrating a retreat-like festival of its kind
Singing/performing in front of a live audience
I took the songs that my Music Coaches, Mick and Tess Pulver had prescribed to me in order to break through the stories binding me and I performed them, I sang them, in front of everyone present.
I did it. So, it’s time it isn’t a secret ANYMORE. We do have footage. So this secret has potential to never be a secret again.

The low before the high of the dirty little secret

So, the dirty little secret is out and now I want to share with you what it was like to do the thing that I kept a dirty little secret.
So, the low. Dress Rehearsal. The night before The WOW Stage’s Songbirds Cabaret. Our team had arrived from Florida and California and it was time to check out the stage. I remember being exhausted and enthusiastic at the same time. It was time to put over a year of practicing singing with Mick and Tess, my voice coach, and Kelly (my guitarist) into action.
And then the worst nightmare began. I looked out and saw the gestures. I heard the comments, the suggestions and quickly surmised the story in my head: “I sound awful”. In exactly 24 hours I was going to be singing on stage and I sounded awful (based on my interpretation of their actions and words). Talk about the fall of innocence. I thought I’d sound wonderful. Horrified, I turned to the guitarist, my dear friend Kelly, I hugged her and just cried. I squeezed and hugged her as tears streamed down my face. I completely imploded. I was spending the night at the venue so my husband was leaving to head home. I remember longing to just go home with him. To be safe and sound in our bed. I wanted to run away from this and not look back. The flight in fight, flight, freeze was fully ignited.
We decided to wait until tomorrow to rehearse. It was a long day and perhaps the exhaustion had strained my voice. Perhaps performing on stage was disorienting (which it is when you’re used to practicing not on stage).
I cried myself to sleep. Woke up at 5am and knew the only way was forward, through it. This was happening. People bought tickets. Our team and other performers were all planning to be there. There were a few precious moments that kept me moving forward that I want to share.
Dayna Wood from Integrative Counsel, a dear friend and colleague, happened to be there as a participant. We were sitting in our cabin. A hustle and bustle outside as our cabin was closest to the stage. She and I sat and talked about “the WHY?”. I shared with Dayna how important the mission of this cabaret is to me. I wanted a parallel process to occur – that in me facing my dreams in one of the most vulnerable ways possible, singing, I’d inspire others to do the same. That the cabaret was about connection, illuminating the stories that bind us and using creative and performing arts to break through those binding stories. So, there, on our beds in our cabin, Dayna and I meditated on the mission. We imagined THE MESSAGE coming through at The Songbirds Cabaret – not the nightmare I had chosen to take from the dress rehearsal experience. This was a mission, that our amazing team helped me make a reality. As soon as I locked into that mission, I felt clear, and started to rise on a higher level. I caught the wave and got to surf it for a good long while.

We are an hour before The Songbirds Cabaret. I’m standing firm and centered in the mission. Shannon Ward of Fiercely Peaceful and I are practicing voice drills in the cabin next door. We feel great, excited. I felt firmly grounded and clear and I was ready to be the speaker and the singer in this debut cabaret.
I explained to everyone in the audience that they’d be on a journey alongside me toward my dreams of singing/performing. I invited everyone to think about a dream that they’ve had since they were a child and that perhaps there were stories that kept them from following those dreams/desires (Illuminating the Stories that Bind Us).
When I introduced my songs, I explained what story the song prescribed by Mick and Tess Pulver that we’d be breaking through. For example, the first song was I’ve Got a Right to be Wrong by Joss Stone. The song meant to break through my perfectionist tendencies and my fear that I’d never be enough for my family.
My dear friend Kelly Cherry accompanied me on acoustic guitar. I took a deep break and as the first line came out of my mouth, I heard it completely off key. Something that happened a lot in my practices with my beloved voice coach, Christa Pfeiffer. And when I heard it, I just giggled inside and kept going. I had fun. I felt the song with my whole being and felt mostly on key for the rest of the song. I continued through other prescribed songs ending with Feeling Good by Nina Simone – reminding all of us to find the simple things to help us feel good after 2 and a half years of a grueling global pandemic.
While I sang and spoke, I saw tears on people’s faces. I lost complete sense of time and was completely mesmerized by the co-healing, learning and growing.
During intermission people came up and hugged me and told me how inspired they were. How it made them want to follow their dreams, made them want to sing, made them want to participate. Some said they could feel themselves healing and growing. Afterwards the comments included:
“I was meant to be here, this was so inspiring”
“that was a year’s worth of therapy in one night”
“You were so brave and courageous”
“you are a powerhouse”
“I want to do this and commit to everything – when are you having it again?”
“ I feel so much joy, this was so uplifting”
“I could relate to everything you said”
“you are a rockstar”
“you have such a strong stage presence”
“you are so articulate and an amazing storyteller”
To know that people felt all of those things and to know how I felt – which was completely in my zone of genius (check out Gay Hendricks if you don’t know what that is), completely in my flow. Left me in a complete, natural high. A smile on my face, a contented heart, an energized body. I went to sleep that night feeling much different than the night before. I remember hugging my assistant Cassidy Brooks-Bowling and just being like: “we did it!”
I wish I could just leave it there, folks. And maybe someday, after I perform, I will. That is certainly my new goal. A couple days later, I crashed. Hard. And questioned everything.

The sky is the limit when you are in your flow. And it takes a risk to fly, but what happens if you fall.

I don’t think it started until late Sunday, early Monday after the Songbirds Cabaret that was held on Friday.. We had workshops on Saturday and Sunday that were absolutely amazing. Everyone left with a smile and a feeling of love, belonging and growth. So, I was still riding pretty high. It was such intrinsic satisfaction, even if I was a tad bit exhausted.
Then, it started happening. My mind took hold. Talk about Illuminating the Stories that Bind Us folks. But I’m afraid my self-compassion skills were not accessible at first. I started playing the feedback and compliments that people shared with me around the Songbirds Cabaret over and over in my head (like the ones I had in the last chapter).
And I started thumbing through them in my mental filing cabinet – looking for any compliments around my voice. I was like okay, the guitarist (Kelly Cherry) said I sounded great. My husband and my cousins mentioned my voice improving leaps and bounds. And my niece said: “you crushed it!”. But suddenly that handful of people had nothing on the two handfuls of people that said amazing things but didn’t mention my voice. Soooo….because they omitted any comments about my voice, the stories started at a rapid fire: “I sounded awful!” “I sang in front of a bunch of people and sounded awful”.
At the thought of these possible stories being true, to say that my skin started to literally crawl is an understatement.
I panicked and looked for the footage that was available. I listened to one glimpse and heard my voice off key and just stopped listening/watching. I started to think of specific people in the audience and thought – “oh no! did they cringe? Please God, please say people didn’t cringe” – “how can I live with myself if people cringed??”
This raw shame and embarrassment quickly moved to the shame response of attack where suddenly I was saying things in my head like (mind you this has all been in my head thus far):
· I didn’t see anyone else get up with the vulnerability that I had
· As a society, do we just go around and judge people while they’re doing what they love?
· Are people not allowed to do what we are born with (song, art, dance) if it’s not perfect? Not on key? In other words, is the message we’re sending is – if you can’t sing, draw, dance, paint – don’t do it!!!
I had imagined all of these noses up in the air at me. There were actually only two cases where someone spoke specifically to my voice. One person said: “I was worried you were going to feel embarrassed” and the other said: “definitely practice more – you can tell it makes you happy, just keep practicing”. Again, not so bad but my head took it to places I can’t even tell you. But I was aware enough not to attack these so- called critics that I made up in my head for too long – what help would that be? Turning the shame into hate would not help. I knew this on more than one level.
There are three highly vulnerable moments during this “vulnerability hangover” that stand out to me. Real quick before I share them, I have to share that Brene Brown writes about this in her book Daring Greatly. I’m only just reading it now, as I write this, and I’m blown away at how exactly on point she is about “all of the feels” I had. She’s so amazing.
Okay – the three moments:
· 1. I marco polo’d my assistant Cassie and cried, sobbed – expressing the vulnerability and rawness that I felt. I shared how embarrassed I was and that moving forward maybe I should just stick to writing and speaking. My assistant, by the way, has an extraordinary voice. So much so that the drummer at one of our events tried to recruit her for his band. When I asked her why she doesn’t perform, she expressed how her voice is hers and she doesn’t want people critiquing it. So, I expressed to her how much I got that now.
· 2. I shared with my therapist how unbelievably vulnerable I felt – the rawness, the crawling out of my skin, the wanting to run, numb this feeling. And I will never forget her saying: “this must be why famous musicians overdose”. I was like YESSSSSSSS! This is such an intense feeling. And it’s so complicated because I’m feeling so embarrassed about something that felt so good at the time. Something that brought me joy, connection, and living out my dreams. How could something so right and perfect morph into this.
· 3. I had a follow up session with Mick and Tess Pulver – the coaches that planted and nourished the seed of this WOW STAGE journey and I literally sobbed the whole time. Expressing my fear that people in the audience cringed – “what if I made them cringe, my people pleasing part and perfectionist part exclaimed”. I struggled to focus on the good – and instead focused on my fears.
So, I was left with the question in my mind and in my heart. What do I do with this crash? How do I use it to inform me moving forward? Does this crash mean I never follow my dreams again? Does this crash mean I just write and speak at The WOW STAGE – no more singing!!! Does this crash mean that I encourage other people to do it because I know it brings them joy, connection, healing powers that no other medium can do but in my heart I think: but does it make sense that I will never do it again and expect others to? Does it make sense to deny myself this outlet of joy but promote it for others because I was afraid I made people cringe?
I kept these questions. I held them. Meditated on them. Continued to bring them to therapy, etc. I sat with the uncomfortable and the raw. I even drummed up the courage to watch myself sing from start to finish. I’ll tell you more about that and my decision to sing or not to sing, in my next email

To sing or not to sing, that is the question 😭,

Quote: “Vulnerability is the path, courage is the light” ~ Brene Brown
It was a few days before my karaoke party. I had already made a declaration that I was NOT going to sing. This would be an opportunity for everyone else to sing. I sang at The WOW STAGE and was still recovering, so I had internally decided: let’s allow others to take the stage.

Friends that I confided this declaration to had understood both sides. They gave me permission to honor it and at the same time encouraged me to be open minded and open hearted if I decided to sing. In this email, I’m going to share what I ended up doing. I also want to speak to what Brene Brown refers to as “how do you maintain courage to keep stepping into the arena” – even if it means you’ll likely be kicked around, criticized, etc.
Two things happened that helped me decide whether to sing or not to sing. The first thing actually happened before the party. My sister-in-law was practicing songs she wished to sing while I was prepping food and drinks. I remember witnessing the joy that was coming out of her and I was comforted by this knowing that I feel: music and song is a shortcut to joy, levity, healing. And singing is a birthright. I wish I could remember the exact song. I know it was an “oldie” “a classic” but suddenly I felt my body start to move and before I knew it, I was singing the song too. A smile ran across my face. The joy of song is contagious and spreads faster than a virus.
The second thing that helped me decide happened when I tried encourage other people to open up the evening. That decision was immediately met with everyone saying: “Oh no Jen, you have to open this up for us, you always get us started”. Which is true. The three other karaoke parties that I’ve hosted, I always opened up with a song that would get everyone in the mood to sing and dance. Songs like “Groove is in the Heart” by Dee-lite. My niece and I ended up opening up with Sweet Caroline by Neil Diamond and the party was started.
So, I sang. Always with other people. But I sang. And it felt fun, amazing, RIGHT! I witnessed others sing and catch the joy bug and it was delightful, as the singer and the listener.
I’m still working on this, dear readers and listeners. In therapy, we are working on how to receive productive feedback and filter out what is not helpful. I’m listening to Daring Greatly by Brene Brown in audible, writing plenty of notes and taking her tips on ways to filter out attacks and remain open hearted.
I know in my heart of hearts that if I do not sing, I’ll be blocking my joy and purpose. I’ll be blocking my ability to help myself and others heal, learn, grow, connect, create and boldly follow their dreams. I’m committed to working through this fear of being vulnerable and I promise to help you do the same. That way, you too, can be connected to song, joy, your birthright to connect with music, regardless of what the inner and outer critics say.
The show must go on,

It is almost two years to the day since this event happened. I’m about to take another risk and publish my first book. In September, I’ll be facilitating a WOW Retreat, where participants will have the opportunity to use creative expression (art, humor, movement and music) to help them take risks and break through the obstacles between them and their dreams. The more I take risks, the happier my life becomes. It’s not always easy. But it’s always worth it, in the end.

Great, appreciate you sharing that with us. Before we ask you to share more of your insights, can you take a moment to introduce yourself and how you got to where you are today to our readers.

Hello! My name is Jennifer Carey and I am a Psychotherapist, Author and Retreat Facilitator. It is my mission to help you and countless others illuminate the stories that are binding us and getting in the way of healthy relationships, our dreams and a fully expressed life of joy and bliss.

If you feel stuck in a rut and unfulfilled in life, work and your relationships, I have some tools and opportunities for you. First of all, I get you. I too encountered challenges in my career and personal life where I knew I wanted something more and better. My aha moment came when I realized that much of what was making me feel trapped and disconnected in my relationships were just stories, beliefs or false narratives that were holding me back in experiencing all of the goodness my life had to offer. I really felt a sense of wonder when I also realized that there were similar stories in between me and creativity. The real awe came when I realized that overcoming these stories led me to living out dreams that I have carried since I was a child. I want to share this awe with as many people as possible.

Now, I can easily illuminate those stories for myself, bring them to light and transform them so that I am not trapped by them anymore! I am the happiest I have ever been and living out my dreams on a daily basis. I love guiding clients on the journey of getting clear about what they want, what is holding them back and then break through those obstacles holding them back so they can step into the life they really want and love.
Also, along the way of my work and my own healing journey, I have found that the power of mindfulness, Internal Family Systems, music and other creative and expressive art forms help us break through and transform these limiting beliefs and stories. As a result, we connect with the light that we are and learn to shine in all the ways that we hope to. Helping people connect with their inner light and believe in their dreams brings me so much joy.

Please allow me to be The Illuminator for you! All I need is your permission and willingness and then I can be the copilot on your quest for joy and bliss. You hold the key to the first door into this new, enriching life. You have the power to use it. And when you open that door, I will help you carve a pathway between your heart, uncover and understand the stories keeping you trapped in your life and relationships. From there, I will provide space and opportunities to dissolve and transform these limiting stories using tried and true methods and tools from mindfulness to connection to self and others as well as music, movement, art and other creative and expressive arts. I also love depth and levity so get ready to find more meaning and more opportunities to laugh too! The services and product that I provide to help people know and live their big dream are psychotherapy for individuals or couples, coaching, workshops, retreats, my podcast, and my book (to be published in summer of 2024).

Qualifications: My background includes Master’s and Specialist degrees in Counselor Education from the University of Florida, Reiki Master Practitioner certification, and a License in Mental Health Counseling (Licensed Psychotherapist in Massachusetts and Florida). I am also an informed Internal Family Systems therapist.

Have you ever had to pivot?

Raised in Saugerties, a small town in upstate New York, that is nestled by the Catskill Mountains, I will always feel a special connection to nature. A second love of travel became ignited when I became a nanny in Cork, Ireland, at the age of 17, to a family I am still very close to. When it came time to choose a degree, I debated between Psychology and Elementary Education up until my Senior Year of College. I always knew that I wanted to be a therapist/counselor. Ever since I was a child, I would see therapists or counselors on TV and know that was the role I wanted to play in my career.

I ended up getting a degree in Elementary Education from SUNY Oneonta with a minor in Educational Psychology and concentration in Psychology. Why? My mom had told me that it would be better to become a teacher and get the security and retirement as well as have hours like my unborn children would have.

I am grateful that I pivoted and was able to break through the story that bound me. I corrected my course and went on to …

the University of Florida in Gainesville where I learned counseling skills from some of the greatest professors in the counseling field. UF and Gainesville will always be a chapter of my life that makes my heart smile.

I received a Masters of Education and a Specialist degree of Education in both Mental Health Counseling and School Counseling and Guidance.

How do you keep your team’s morale high?

Three things: 1. open, honest and effective communication – teach and model these skills. 2. find out what lights people up and make that known to everyone so everyone can support each other in that way 3. create an environment where people feel safe to fully express themselves doing the thing that lights them up.

Contact Info:

• Website: www.jenniferhcarey.com
• Instagram: jenniferh.carey
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jennifercareycounseling
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennifer-h-carey/
• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@heallearngrow

Image Credits
Chris Disario – photographer