We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Jemarc Axinto a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Jemarc, appreciate you joining us today. If you had a defining moment that you feel really changed the trajectory of your career, we’d love to hear the story and details.

Thank you for having me. Before we jump into my career I need to talk about my breakthrough moment first. It was this major, life altering experience that really shook me and forced me to confront that I haven’t been living the life I wanted for myself. The day I “woke up,” I was experiencing severe suicidal ideation and – after communicating this to my partner of half a decade – they told me they wanted a divorce.

Growing up a child of immigrants. I never really felt like I fit in anywhere. And my parents high expectations of me translated into being extremely studious, and very hard working, while going through an extended period of repressing my pain so that I wouldn’t have to burden anyone. My pain felt so burdensome to me I couldn’t even imagine placing that on someone else. I didn’t want to be a burden, as I often did growing up as the youngest in the family. So imagine how lucky I felt when the person I would one day marry suddenly had to deal with intensely damaging chronic conditions like Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome all stemming from PTSD and C-PTSD.

Finally here was someone in my life who would need me and rely on me. If I had this person and if I could be their caregiver then that meant I deserved love and deserved to be loved. For the first three years of our relationship every waking moment that wasn’t spent trying to define myself outside of the role of caregiver I ironically clutched on to that identity as a means of validation. “Maybe I’ll never make it as a famous actor, but my fiancé needs me” or “Maybe I’m not working right now but my fiancé needs me” I had the perfect excuse and scapegoat for all of my fears and insecurities and I could convince myself I was happy and finally in a good place.
Fast forward to the Winter of 2018. My spouse woke up in the ICU and started on a journey of self discovery and healing her limbic system impairment. She engaged heavily with the works of Eckharte Tolle, Tara Brach, Deepak Chopra and mindfulness and meditation and she healed all of her conditions. We even did a lot of the presence and mindfulness work together, granted for me it was a very intellectualized experience and I figured I had therapy and that was enough.

Suddenly I had more time to pursue my passions! I could start my film company and balance a full time job at the same time. By the end of 2020 I had successfully built an international audience for my podcast, and was doing very well at my day job to the extent that I was exceeding the metrics and expectations for what my boss wanted from me. My spouse was immensely supportive and handling the housework and by all accounts I should have been happy.

And yet, six years into our relationship, on May 17th, 2021 I told my spouse I wanted to end my life and they told me that we should get a divorce.

Since before we were married all of our friends told us that we were so solid and such an inspiration to them and their relationship aspirations. But the truth is that I played a large role in how much our relationship had deteriorated.

Since they started their healing journey I had become more irritable, and extremely destructive. Hacking away at the good things Ezra had done with their healing because it made me feel less than. If I wasn’t Ezra’s caregiver maybe I could rely on my art. But my creative endeavors were eating away at me for every time I out so much work into it and didn’t get immediate validation for all of the work I was putting in. This began impacting my day job too as I put in extra hours to prove I was good at that. I was constantly seeking external validation from everyone around me because I didn’t believe I was a good person. In a lot of ways I blamed myself for my spouse’s attempt

The day I realized I was dealing with ideation and Ezra told me they wanted a divorce is a day I will always be grateful for. Because it finally brought everything crashing down around me. I had been so lost and destructive and caused so much pain to the most important person in the world to me as well as to myself. I couldn’t live my life like that anymore. Until I found the capacity for self love within myself I would never be happy. And one of the most painful truths I had to come to terms with is that my life up to that point had constantly been defined by external validation. I wanted my parents to be proud of me, I wanted people to like me, I wanted people to like my art. I wanted my partner to love me. And yet more often than not I could have someone tell me to my face that they loved me and I wouldn’t believe believe because I didn’t love myself.

I took three months away from all of my obligations when I had my wake-up call. I told my job that I needed time to focus on myself, and I stopped working on any and all creative endeavors that fueled by neurotic need for external validation. It was in this process that I was finally able to embody all of the teachings I had engaged in for years.

Through even more, incredibly powerful and serendipitous moments. I was encouraged to take my embodiment of healing and offer it to others as a teacher and coach. Since then I have had the pleasure and honor of working with individuals 1:1 globally as well as consulting for numerous non-profit and for-profit organizations.

Awesome – so before we get into the rest of our questions, can you briefly introduce yourself to our readers.

Absolutely, hello my loves, my name is Jemarc Axinto! I’m a Nonbinary, Filipinx Trauma Recovery Coach and Wellness Consultant. And I’ve dedicated the past 10 years of my life to understanding everything I can about Trauma: What it is exactly, how it manifests, and- most importantly, can you heal from it? Fortunately, I’ve found that it is in fact possible to rewire the nervous system and heal Trauma at its root! It’s challenging, and sometimes your brain and body will work against you, but it’s so incredibly worth it. Teaching people how to achieve this was never a part of my plan, my study was strictly personal and a response to a need to take care of my own trauma and support my spouse when they were ill. I’m a skeptic at heart, which really allows me to meet everything I read with a level of discernment and curiosity that empowers what I do. My work lies at the intersection of science and spirituality and focuses primarily on supporting clients in building a solid foundation of wellness, and well-being.

As a Trauma Recovery Coach, I have had the honor of guiding numerous beings in actualizing and alchemizing their authenticity with my signature program, and numerous program offerings.

My work as a coach bridges a serious gap in wellness and wellbeing that is ever-present in both traditional, western medicine, and subclinical spiritual movements: I.E. Intellectualization Versus Embodiment.

I’ve had many people come to me from the lens of traditional therapy and express frustration with their stagnation. They feel that they have plateaud with therapy because every session they are repeating the same issues time and time again.

This is absolutely valid for the most part! Much of the traditional western medical training out there focuses on “diagnosing” and “unpacking.” Which are both incredibly important. Without context for “how” you got here and an understanding of what your flavor of “condition” is, it can be incredibly difficult to remove shame from your day-to-day life. Unfortunately for many people, the support they receive at this level stops after the unpacking and they reach the aforementioned plateau stage.

On the side of subclinical coaching, there is a great emphasis on problem solving. Many coaches show up for specific niche fields like “Business Coaching,” or “Relationship Coaching.” This isn’t a bad thing necessarily, but I have found that people who don’t put in the work necessary to get to the root of their relationship with themselves and the world, i.e. trauma, often don’t get as much out of these services as they can.

I don’t hide away from what I do. My work is about Trauma Recovery. The work we will do together is about getting to a place in which you no longer function from a space of trauma reactivity. This work can be incredibly difficult, scary, and challenging, but I don’t mince words about what we are going to do because that is where the best outcomes can arise!

My offerings as a Coach include private, 1:1 coaching, free tools in weekly emails, and my two signature programs:

1. Alchemizing Authenticity – My 12 Week Transformative Healing Program in the ultimate practice of dropping the labels, trauma, and roles, and embracing your fully authentic self. This program takes attendees through the neuroscience of trauma and its impact on the brain, embodied practices to take your healing into your own hands, and an all encompassing spiritual view through a Buddhist Lens.
You can learn more about this program here: https://www.jemarcaxinto.com/alchemize-authenticityhttps://www.jemarcaxinto.com/alchemize-authenticity

2. Queer Liberation – My five day, five night retreat exclusively offered from any and all members of the LGBTQIA community. This retreat will next be held in July of 2025 and is made by, and for Queer community to come together in deep healing, wellness, and community love. You can join the waiting list here: https://www.jemarcaxinto.com/queer-liberation

As a Wellness Consultant, I take a fully holistic view of an organization and recognize yet another issue with many wellness initiatives in organizations: wellness is an “add on” or a “box to check off.”

As a Wellness Consultant I offer keynote speeches, workshops, organizational wellness assessments, on-demand training, and executive coaching all with one key focus in mind: Building a foundation of wellness and wellbeing that every organizational decision is informed by from the very bottom to the very top.

The organizations I work with radically shift their perspectives from being “customer obsessed” to “employee obsessed” There is an understanding that the people who make a good culture are the people who work there no matter what position they are in. When you make room for humanness to be at the table you thrive. My work as a Consultant is a collaborative process to ensure everyone present feels uplifted, and heard. Especially through my signature program: IGNITE Wellbeing (TM) or Innovative Growth and Nourishing Initiatives to Transform Everyone’s Wellbeing

IGNITE focuses on Four Pillars of Compassion, Clarity, Courage & Creativity to elevate employee retention and productivity by placing their wellness at the forefront of everyone’s minds and recognizing it takes more than just self-responsibility, but community responsibility to ensure everyone is thriving.

You can learn more about my Consulting Services and schedule an initial consult call here: https://www.jemarcaxinto.com/2-wings-consultant

Putting training and knowledge aside, what else do you think really matters in terms of succeeding in your field?

My number one priority in my work is my personal wellness, and my mental – and physical health.

This may seem like an obvious answer, but shockingly so many professionals I have come across usually name other objectives:
1. Family
2. Their careers
3. How much money they make
4. Their pets
5. Their home

Yet, if YOU are not well, and YOU are not able to act from a space of responsiveness then everything else will fall apart.

Too often – and I’ve historically been guilty of this as well – I have seen people live from a space of “Functional Dysfunction.” Where they’re barely keeping it together, habitually burntout, and moments away from a break down, but they keep going. They keep pushing forward because their minds and nervous systems have normalized this level of dysfuction. The idea of doing something for themselves isn’t even part of the equation because considering doing anything for themselves is stressful and overwhelming!

This is why I offer private coaching and consultation, and why I do this work. My big dream is to be a part of a larger paradigm shift in which we all remember our shared humanity. I grew up in an environment and culture that celebrated reactivity. Either in the form of “Do it just for yourself and survive” or “Do it for others because self-care is selfish.”

For me to succeed at what I do I have to be well, otherwise I will seek out short term solutions for myself and my clients. When the real work that is necessary to produce the best possible outcomes can take time. And that time is better weathered when you are well and thriving mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Do you have any insights you can share related to maintaining high team morale?

Don’t attach your sense of self to your work as a manager.

I know this sounds counterproductive but this is truly the best piece of advice I give to people I have consulted for.

The world we live in emphasizes work as identity heavily. The next time you go to a function see how long it takes before someone asks you “What you do for work.”

Between that and the 40 hour (for some people 80 hour) work week, it can be challenging to find who you are outside of that identity.

But, when you tie yourself fully up with your identity as a manager, leader, boss, etc. suddenly mistakes aren’t “lessons to learn from.” Instead, they represent your failings as a human being.

This then emphasizes harmful qualities like perfectionism (for yourself and your team) and the inability to own up to mistakes made. Your work becomes less about “supporting others” and more about how you are perceived. Once again, this all comes down to personal wellness and wellbeing.

So-called “bad managers” aren’t bad people even if they may do some things that would earn them that label. Instead, we can reframe how we perceive them and others as being in a state of emotional dysregulation and dysfunction. They’re in a reactivity state and don’t know how to make calm, rational, and compassionate decisions because at a nervous system level they’re in survival.

If you want to maintain high morale on your team, you first need to learn how to do that for yourself. It doesn’t mean you won’t have bad moments, or even days, but there is a vast difference between a moment of stress, and a perpetual state of dysfunction. Ultimately, it comes down to living a response-able life versus a reactive life. Managers are responsible for so many things and people, but if they aren’t able to act responsively from moment to moment, and especially in a crisis, they run the risk of reactively causing great harm! You can even look at this through the lens of how you manage your own life. Reactivity places you in the categories of fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. If you’re in any of these states you’re trying to survive, and it doesn’t matter who you harm in the process because you’re unconsciously moving through life. Yet, when you’re living in a space of responsiveness, that’s when you can hold more space for others because you feel less overwhelmed within yourself. I like to remind clients that if you’re having difficulty at work, to see how things are working out at home. The personal and professional feed into each other, so to be the best manager you must first be the leader and manager of your own life.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.jemarcaxinto.com/
• Instagram: @jemarcAxinto
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/JemarcAxinto/
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jemarc-axinto-8036a687/
• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Fvy5PCKl7DgyAQn1rsZNQ

Image Credits
All images: Lauren Garczynski @Randomeyecandy