We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Janet Bentley. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Janet below.

Janet, looking forward to hearing all of your stories today. If you had a defining moment that you feel really changed the trajectory of your career, we’d love to hear the story and details.

I can see in my mind exactly where I was sitting, and I can feel exactly what I felt at the moment I knew where my passion was for the future.

I had not long been home after a 45 day stay at an intensive trauma treatment center. I had entered the treatment center due to suicidal thoughts and very long history of sexual abuse as a child, and more as an adult. A friend, who I had met at the center, and I had went to be trained in San Diego by Darkness To Light, an organization that has an award winning educational program for prevention of child sexual abuse.

After getting home from San Diego, I was sitting on the sofa wondering how I could use what I had learned. It hit me like a ton of bricks. If I could muster up the courage to share my story, the scary things that I had kept inside of me for a lifetime, it might be possible to help others feel less alone and find hope. I felt a passion and excitement grow inside my heart, and knew that if I could make something positive out of the horrible things that happened to me, there was a purpose to my life.

You see, I had never felt a purpose before. I had felt the opposite – almost an apology for existing, including an extreme fear of being seen, and a very low self worth. Such is the legacy of trauma. This passion and purpose led me on an exciting and healing journey – through the publishing of my memoir, to the nonprofit that I founded called Courageous Survivors, which supports survivors of sexual abuse and assault.

The memory of that moment stays with me, and when I get discouraged or feel it is “too tough”, it reminds me of why I do what I do.

Awesome – so before we get into the rest of our questions, can you briefly introduce yourself to our readers.

I was raised in various cities in Los Angeles, California. We moved every year. I am the oldest of 8 children and our home was extremely dysfunctional. My dad was an alcoholic and a drug addict and my mom was an alcoholic. I was sexually abused by my father and his drug friends from the age of 4. At age 11, I sought refuge from home by attending a church with a friend in our neighborhood, and was sexually abused by a youth leader there, When I told, I was not only disbelieved, I was shunned, punished, and at the age of 12 taken to have an abortion after one of the rapes caused a pregnancy. I learned to tell no one. I learned that my voice did not matter. I learned to be as invisible as possible.

Some of the ways that I coped as a child were perfectionism where I could control it (straight A’s at school), disconnection from not only myself but from others (isolation and extreme shyness), and looking for love wherever I could find it. Sometimes that looked like praise from my teachers, and sometimes that looked like a friend’s parents showing me compassion.

Some of the ways I coped as an adult were again, isolation (not trusting others or allowing anyone too close), and eventually pills and alcohol which I used to medicate the emotional pain, and suicide attempts.

Through it all, there was a huge ache of loneliness and hopelessness. The hopelessness came from feeling so incredible lonely, and yet never being able to fill what felt like an endless need for love and compassion. My greatest desire and my greatest fear – what I now know as a “core dilemma”. The main problem was that I was looking for that love self-worth from others, not from within myself. I didn’t know how.

Through a marriage that ended in divorce, yet resulted in two beautiful children; through good and not so good therapy experiences; to a second marriage to a wonderful supportive man; to a trauma treatment center that dug into the deep trauma; to a strong yet compassionate trauma therapist that modeled things I had never learned such as boundaries and self-compassion; I have come out the other side of it all and feel more happiness and peace in my life than I ever dreamed possible. I continue to learn and to share what I learn with others.

All of my experiences led me to form a nonprofit called Courageous Survivors. I started with a tiny glimmer of a dream to help others feel less alone, and now I am so grateful to have a strong nonprofit with an amazing board of directors, and many volunteers.

In October, we hosted our first big awareness event and it was an amazing evening of hope. We now offer therapist led support groups, a huge dream of mine that came from not being able to find one myself early in my own therapy. We have a website that allows survivors to connect with each other, to find resources, and an outlet to express themselves in writing or art. We have plans for mind/body retreats and educational workshops and much more. It all takes dollars and we are being blessed with more and more donations from people who care.

I want to launch an Ambassador Program this year to get the word out to more and more survivors and supporters of survivors. I have big dreams, and I believe what sets our nonprofit apart from some others is (fortunately and unfortunately), my vast personal experience of different types of abuse. I moved from victim to survivor a long time ago, and I am blessed to be able to use that experience to reach others and help them feel less alone. I want them to feel hope for healing and hope for happiness and peace because it IS possible.

I am proud of Courageous Survivors. I am proud of Little Janet, the little girl that did whatever she could to survive and stick around to be of service to others.

Training and knowledge matter of course, but beyond that what do you think matters most in terms of succeeding in your field?

I believe to succeed in my particular field in the nonprofit sector, it is crucial to have two things. Firstly, you need passion in your heart to help others. The passion I have for survivors that must live with the effects of their abuse, is beyond measure. I also think that passion which comes from experience is the best kind of passion to have in this field. I KNOW what the effects of sexual abuse are that survivors face because I face them every day. It is an empathy that comes from personal experience and it helps me understand and develop the best support, services and resources that may help other survivors.

The second thing that is needed is your own support and recovery. There are a lot of triggers, and trauma responses that can happen when you are working with other survivors. I have to have my own therapy, support network, and be working on my own trauma, to be able to be there for others in a helpful way. I have to have boundaries, and that can be tough. It’s the old “oxygen mask” scenario – you have to take care of yourself before you can be of help to others.

Do you think you’d choose a different profession or specialty if you were starting now?

Without a doubt, I would choose the same path I am on with this nonprofit. At times, it can be emotional, difficult and discouraging but it is so rewarding. When I get a testimonial from a support group member that says that she has had the first good night’s sleep in years because of feeling less alone, all the doubts dissapear and my heart feels happy. There are so many of these rewarding moments that more than make up for any of the discouraging moments.

Contact Info:

• Website: www.courageoussurvivors.org
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/courageousssurvivors/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CourageousSurvivorsFB
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/company/18766816/admin/
• Twitter: https://twitter.com/CourageousSurv2