We recently connected with Janell Lammatao and have shared our conversation below.

Alright, Janell thanks for taking the time to share your stories and insights with us today. Was there a moment in your career that meaningfully altered your trajectory? If so, we’d love to hear the backstory.

I started dating my partner (now ex) at 30 – an age where I thought I had almost everything figured out, where settling to marry was the move and questioning if graphic design and marketing was something I was still passionate about. With all the right intentions and a growth mindset, I felt confident navigating this relationship but I was SO wrong – green flags (healthy behaviors) started turning into pink (indicators that may not feel right), and very quickly to red (unhealthy/toxic behaviors.) The cycle of these flags started all over again, week after week where it became confusing.

After observing patterns for two years, I realized I was in an abusive relationship. I was faced with physical and psychological abuse: name calling, belittling, degrading, gaslighting, and subtle manipulation that wasn’t easy to spot. This led me to a life of silence, walking on eggshells, losing my identity, confidence, and autonomy. Compliments and jokes turned into insults and comments turned into consistently questioning my own reality. My peace became a commodity. I spent most days dissociating. It consumed my life from the moment I woke up in the morning until it was time for bed.

When I felt loved the most was when I had one foot out the door (having attempted to leave several times) finally hearing all the great things I’ve been wanting to hear. Good moments were temporary, but soon enough I’d find myself again in destructive behaviors followed by blanket apologies with empty promises of change—a perpetuating cycle of reward and punishment that felt impossible to escape from. I found it incredibly confusing that the same person who soothes you also causes your pain. I became a shell of myself, not knowing if I was ever going to come out of the darkness.

After a long, grueling fight, I woke up the next day and my body told me it was time. That same day, I went out and received support from family and friends and came up with a safety plan to leave….for good. I wouldn’t say there was a defining moment, but many alarming moments that motivated into me to finally leaving permanently in February of 2023. There’s a belief that the abuse is over the moment you leave the relationship when attempting to leave is the most dangerous time for a survivor.

I was initially stuck in fight/flight under the fear of retaliation. I had lost my identity and spent time struggling to feel safe in my body. Loving words and acts of kindness from others overwhelmed me and I would get startled whenever I heard loud noises. Within a month of leaving, I joined an in-person support group at OC United and attended consistently for a year. It was difficult to share what happened to me but I knew it was one of many important steps towards healing along with surrounding yourself with people who you feel safe with.

As I was healing, I began to feel more confident in sharing my story. As I learned more about domestic violence as a global public health crisis, one that impacts people across all ages and socioeconomic backgrounds and witnessed its effects firsthand within my support group, I began to develop a deep passion for survivor advocacy. Shedding light on the realities of trauma, abuse, and the systemic barriers survivors face reveals a depth of complexity that’s often overlooked, which can lead to unsafe and dangerous conditions.

One day, I attended OC United’s Valentine’s Day event and I met the team at Speak Your Truth Today (a nonprofit that supports domestic violence survivors) and I was inspired by their story and mission. I applied. I worked as a volunteer for eight months, became a certified domestic violence advocate and most recently, officially landed a part-time role as the Marketing & Events Associate.

This year marks my two year anniversary of leaving my abusive relationship. With a lot of hard work, 730 tears later, support from friends, family & communities, hope, and waves of grief, I am proud to say that I am feeling at peace after regaining the strength to re-write old narratives and going through corrective experiences with intention. I took my power back and empowered myself in ways that led to me to the best blessings of my life and a career path that fulfills my life’s purpose.

Janell, love having you share your insights with us. Before we ask you more questions, maybe you can take a moment to introduce yourself to our readers who might have missed our earlier conversations?

I’m a second-generation Filipino-American, born and raised in San Diego, California, by immigrant parents who came from the Philippines in pursuit of better life. While my parents worked hard to provide for us, my sister and I were primarily cared for by our grandma. As the eldest, I often felt the weight of responsibility and the pressure to set standards on their terms. I grew up in a family environment where open, healthy communication wasn’t part of our dynamic. Feelings were often unspoken and challenges were swept under the rug. I didn’t realize it but these early patterns shaped the way I navigated the world, influencing my experiences in friendships, romantic relationships, and even my career.

Although I lacked emotional support growing up and had no model for what healthy relationships looked like, I had the support from my parents to go to a private college for a degree that they weren’t sure I would be financially stable in. That privilege gave me the freedom to pursue art and design, a space where I could explore, express myself, and eventually heal through creativity.

I attended the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising at the Orange County and Los Angeles Campus with a concentration in Graphic Design and an emphasis in Marketing. I’ve always had an interest in art and design in all mediums, but the digital art realm is where I wanted to learn and thrive in, with the hope of creating my own brand or product someday. I worked a couple short term, graphic design and marketing jobs after I graduated college until I landed a role as a Marketing Coordinator in the AEC (Architecture, Engineering, and Construction) Industry where I currently work full-time in addition to part-time freelancing as a graphic designer.

Graphic design and marketing have been at the core of my professional career, but my personal experience surviving two years of intimate partner violence (IPV) led to a major shift. That journey sparked a passion for survivor advocacy, where I’ve been able to continue to channel my creative skills into meaningful work that supports and empowers others.

What I’m most proud of is how I’ve transformed my healing journey into a source of connection and empowerment for others. Sharing my story started as a personal act of survival and the power of storytelling sparked a new passion in me that led me to write and design content inspired by my journey of survivorship, education, and welcoming uplifting language. I share these pieces in SYTT’s virtual Facebook support group that serves a community of over 19,000 members. Every word, graphic, and post is intentionally crafted with care to remind people they are not alone, their choices are valid, and that they can heal in their journey at their own pace. As an SYTT ambassador, I also help build partnerships and speak at local events to further our mission. Yoga has been one of the most transformative healing tools in my life, and through it, I’ve cultivated a strong community at CorePower Yoga where we’ve established an ongoing partnership, proudly leading monthly donation-based classes in support of our cause.

My career as an advocate is rooted in authenticity, empathy, and creativity. I believe in stories that validate, disrupt shame, and offer space for truth. The work that I do blends design, wellness, and advocacy in ways that feel warm and honest. If you’re looking to collaborate, follow, or support my work, I want to share that I create with care, intention, and passion. I’m here to remind folks of their worth, for those building a life after trauma, and for anyone who believes healing and beauty can coexist. My work is not just what I do—it’s who I am.

How I turned pain into purpose is what I want people to learn about my work. Sometimes, the real work involves an investment in rebuilding yourself, unlearning and rewiring your mind where it can allow space for you to decide on how you want to navigate your life and career. Rebuilding my life in my 30s was never on my bingo card, but I’ve often reflected in ways where I can proudly say that I have full agency over my life and I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.

What do you think helped you build your reputation within your market?

I’ve always believed in the sentiment that we’re always a work in progress but starting my journey as an advocate shaped me through my lived experience, passion and commitment to showing up with empathy, integrity, and community-centered care. The survivors within the community I care deeply for can recognize when support is rooted in genuine understanding, and I’ve always aimed to create spaces where they feel seen, heard, and empowered.

When people witness your journey in finding your voice and how deeply you believe in your work, they can feel it. Sharing your journey is so powerful because it can inspire others to share theirs. It all begins with trusting yourself and speaking your truth when it feels right. Trusting yourself exudes a kind of energy that motivates others to take action, whether that means pursuing a creative vision or finally launching the business they’ve been dreaming about.

I’m intentional about building trust through trauma-informed practices, collaborating with our organizations, and showing up, whether that’s through support groups, speaking engagements, content creation, or holding space for others. Advocacy isn’t just something I do, it’s who I am at my core.

We often hear about learning lessons – but just as important is unlearning lessons. Have you ever had to unlearn a lesson?

I’ve wrestled with the belief that my worth is defined by how productive I am, how successful I appear, how I look, or how much others need me.

This self-limiting belief shaped by both an unhealthy family dynamic and societal expectations is something I’m still unlearning, both personally and professionally. Throughout my life, I found myself constantly asking: “If I do this, will I be a better friend, daughter, partner, or team member?” That mindset led me to measure my value through the lens of others, often at the expense of my own identity. No matter how much I gave, it never felt enough and the goalpost always seemed to move.

I became someone who overextended, overdelivered, and abandoned themselves to keep the peace in the process. But for the first time in my life, I’m learning to fill my own cup first because filling up my cup first means I have the capacity to hold space and show up intentionally for those in my life. It means I get to pour into myself after so much was taken from me. I’m discovering that my worth isn’t something to be earned. It’s something I already own, just by being myself and existing as I am.

I often remind myself that I am worthy today and every day. I’m worthy now. Not when I land that new job or promotion. Not when I lose weight. Not when I get married. Not when I have kids. Not when I own a home. Not when I finally get noticed by friends, family, coworkers, or a potential romantic partner.

Contact Info:

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cocochjanell/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Cocochjanell
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jlammatao/