Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Jamie Wilson. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.

Jamie, looking forward to hearing all of your stories today. So let’s jump to your mission – what’s the backstory behind how you developed the mission that drives your brand?

My business isn’t as much a business as it is a representation of all the facets of myself, pouring out in different endeavors. But, it wasn’t always this way. I was adopted into a white family when I was about 10 weeks old. As a transracial Korean adoptee (commonly referred to as a KAD) in a predominately white environment, I unconsciously and silently struggled through my childhood and into my early adult years. What most people saw externally was a smart and insightful achiever. Inside, I lacked identity and belonging and failed to develop an authentic self-esteem. I did all the “right” things to fit it and be accepted, all the while feeling like an outsider and an imposter. This lack of true confidence in my own identity led me to see my value in the perceptions of others, my accomplishments, or associations with others but that model left me feeling quite empty.

I had big dreams but no representation or model to follow after. The school of my dreams at the time leading up to graduation was FIDM in Los Angeles but my parents were not keen on the idea nor supportive. The pressure for me to conform to typical career paths of success was stifling and in response to that, I rebelled and didn’t apply to any colleges. Eventually post graduation in 2002 I ended up at UW-Stout but didn’t stay there long. In the chaos of new expectations, yet more of the same culture, I reverted back to the familiarity of home and dated a guy I went to high school with. So fast forward to 2007 and I am married to that man, we built a house together, and I worked for his family business. The next year, 2008, we welcomed our daughter, Ainsley. Three short years later and divorce was imminent – which in hindsight, it was from the beginning because everything about our relationship was wrong from the start. Our reasons for being together, our values, goals, and beliefs were never aligned. But, the experience of living in dysfunction and seeking therapy and reigniting my faith through all of that is what I see as the blessing in disguise. I was able to dig in and better understand my origin story, or lack of it and learn how it impacted my life. In tandem, I was better understanding my faith and identity in that respect so both coming together helped me have a clear picture and sense of my value as a person, independent of anything or anyone else.

So when the divorce was in process in 2011, I got to see again, how broken and dysfunctional systems or people, hurt people and families. Living through the family court process, and let me aside that my case was not even close to the trauma others experience, made me want to do something better or different in that process. So fast forward to 2021, I had now been remarried for 5 years and had two more daughters with my husband (who is also a Korean adoptee along with his brother, though they aren’t biological brothers…more on that later), and decided to leave my corporate job to pursue endeavors that I felt would actually fill my soul and use my experiences to make a difference in people’s lives. I was trained as a restorative circle keeper and mediator (family mediation and civil) and also was in process on seeking an opportunity to take a poem I’d written in 2018 titled, “The Tree Began With Me,” and make it into a book. I also began doing contract work for a company called wâhiwater, founded by our friends, and had the opportunity to take our love of water sports and use that for the good of a local non-profit called JSAW.

The real story behind my mission, though it seems winding, is quite simple. I have wanted to take all my passions and experiences to help people find a place of belonging, healing, and connection through the work I do. Each of these areas I work in, in addition to being a wife and mom of three girls (15, 5, 4), represents something I feel passionate about. My book provides a tool and simple language for adoptees, particularly transracial adoptees, to share their adoption story with future generations. The mediation and circle work is a push back to the family law systems that have created win-lose dynamics and adversarial tones and instead welcomes in restorative dialogue that creates an environment for families to thrive post divorce. The undercurrent of all of this is my deep hope and desire for healthy families and healthy relationships which will in turn, impact our communities.

Great, appreciate you sharing that with us. Before we ask you to share more of your insights, can you take a moment to introduce yourself and how you got to where you are today to our readers.

As I noted previously, I am a wife, mom of three girls, and a Korean adoptee. I have a myriad of business and volunteer endeavors that I am involved in but the two I’d say I am most proud of now, are my mediation practice and my book, “The Tree Began With Me.” While they may seem unrelated, to me, they are tightly related. They both serve and support the work of people digging into their stories and doing the work of rumbling with their past to have a stronger sense of who they are and how they show up in the world. People want to be seen and understood. Particularly in challenging or traumatic situations, people may not have the language or tools to even know what they need to begin that process of digging in or healing.

In my mediation process, I try to draw out stories from the participants so they can listen and engage in a more empathetic way. Instead of simply getting down to business and dividing assets or possessions, I allow for some dialogue about the past, present, and hope of what the future could look like. This helps people see a better future state and how they can mutually play a role in the betterment or destruction of the other person’s life. It helps people understand the motives and intentions they hold and also the lens in which they view the other’s. It isn’t perfect and relies on people coming to the table with a certain level of vulnerability but when done well, the process can be healing and set families who need to separate, do so in a way that keeps their dignity and respect intact. It is a process that allows for a collective win for the family, especially when kids are involved. This passion and approach go back to my own experience going through divorce being gaslit and having opposing counsel that was high conflict and non-collaborative and further encouraged that kind of behavior from her client. It makes for an insurmountable level of stress, unnecessary conflict, increased and unnecessary expenses in the process, and ultimately creates new wounds for a family that was already hurting. I never want to see families or kids go through what I did, recognizing and respecting that so many have done it and had to go through much more arduous pain that we did. Today, we are in a place where my ex and I coparent from a healthier place, along with our new spouses. Blended family work is hard and complex and my hope in the work that I do is to mitigate the additional hurt caused in the divorce process, not only the emotional hurt, but the financial too. Mediation is more cost effective and efficient and allows for collaboration and creative solutions. I want to be a voice that advocates for the empowerment of the people involved to make decisions that are best for their families so they don’t have to struggle for 10 years to mend to the hurt done in the divorce process like we did. People are spending thousands of dollars on attorney fees, therapists, parenting time expeditors, evaluations, and overwhelming the court system when that time, energy, and resources could be better directed to their next phase of life.

And, my book comes from again a desire to help people see and know who they are. Tied into my divorce story, is the story of how I came to realize the importance of my life as an adoptee. When my first daughter, Ainsley, was born it was an instant realization of the love of a mother for a child. That isn’t a novel idea. But, for me, I thought of my birth mother whom I may never know, I thought of my adoptive mom and how she loved me, and how much I loved Ainsley. In that moment, I had finally met another human on the planet that I knew shared my DNA. My whole life, every medical form I filled out had to be noted with, “I have no biological family history.” I had always felt alone in that sense. Wondering. Lost. But she was now a start of a family tree that we could trace and know and share. That was so powerful. That was also part of why divorce was so hard because sharing custody of the only human you are genetically tied to and not seeing them nearly half of their childhood life was gut wrenching. So when I met my husband Lucas, who is also a Korean adoptee and we had two daughters, it was that same realization for him. So in 2018, I wrote a poem that is now the book. It describes the feeling of being a tiny little tree, wondering if she could ever be large and sprawling like the rest in the forest. Could she have deep and lasting roots? This book was inspired by Ainsley and dedicated to my family, my little family tree that I hope will continue to grow tall among the rest. Looking back on when I wrote it, I was trying to find books or resources that help tell the next generation that mom and/or dad is adopted. I saw a lot of books for adoptees explaining adoption to them but not specifically for the children of adoptees. I hope the language and metaphor of the tree creates an easy tool for families to use as they open up and share with their children, their own adoption story. I just turned forty this year and I feel as though I am just scratching the surface of where this book will lead me on the journey. Adoption is a common thread between Lucas and my families. Lucas has an adopted brother and two of their cousins are also adopted. Knowing how common it is, yet often not talked much about, I have to imagine this may be the case for other families.

Going back to how these things interrelate, maybe they don’t. Maybe that is only in my mind and heart because I lived it. However, remembering back to my ex saying I shouldn’t cut my daughter’s bangs because it made her look “too Asian” but now seeing how much she identifies and embraces being Korean (50%) is so unexpected and delightful. In all fairness, I do not believe my ex would say that today and has changed views perhaps but the contrast is what is memorable in my mind. Ainsley has been a catalyst for connection that has helped me expand the awareness of this work and led me to people who have inspired me or I’ve been able to encourage them. It’s beautiful to see and be a part of the joy that happens when people authentically share who they are and the connections that are forged from it.

What’s worked well for you in terms of a source for new clients?

Honestly, it is all about relationships. I realize that is a cliché but for me it is the absolute truth. I can’t imagine how I would do any of the work I’ve done without an incredible community of people around me that are willing to share my contact info with their networks of people to get me referrals or build new relationships. I feel like I’m still in the early stages of where my work will go, especially in contrast to some of the other business owners that have been interviewed here so perhaps my advice is stating the obvious. But, that said, it continues to work for me. When I’ve needed office space to meet clients, I’ve been able to obtain that free of charge. When I wanted to do a book signing and reading event, it was as simple as asking amazing people in my network to host and help promote it. I’ve found the power in asking and not being dismayed by a no. You have to ask for the work, ask friend and family for the referrals, as clients for their endorsement and referrals, and never be afraid of no. A yes is just around the corner. For me, coming from my faith, I see no sometimes as a protection from something not meant for me. So it doesn’t hurt the way no used to. I don’t interpret it as a rejection but see it as protection and redirection to the next open door. You have to be in a place where you’ve created enough margin and space in your life to say yes to that coffee date, that fundraiser event, that volunteer event, or whatever and then decide you will show up your authentic and open self. Be curious, and ask questions about the people you are with. I’ve found that when I ask the questions to others (I sometimes wish they’d ask me), it has led to powerful and lasting connections that paid off.

Have any books or other resources had a big impact on you?

First and foremost, my faith in God has guided my steps. It took faith to leave a corporate salary and venture into this (did I mention it was during a major home addition project)! The values of how to live and love people from a place of humility and compassion as found through the life of Jesus are what inform my view of people. It is what allows me to see people in mediation situations as people worthy of love, respect, and belonging regardless of who was “right or wrong.” We have awesome pastors at our church, North Star Community Church, who are incredible leaders and continue to grow and learn how to be empowered leaders and raise up leadership in others. It was them, who introduced us to Miles Welch (https://www.mileswelch.coach/) who began to coach and mentor my husband and I for both his business as an attorney and my own entrepreneurial leadership and development. Miles is the kind of coach that makes you feel like you are just as important as the big companies that hire his services.

I’ve also worked with Erica Dvorak who runs a coaching company, Faith and Gather and hosts her podcast, The Faith Inspired Podcast. I did her “Stressed to Joy” program which helped me set goals, understand where stress in my life was stomping out my joy, and how to approach my work in a way that brings joy. She has an awesome journal called the “Daily Reflections Journal” and that is super helpful as a daily management tool for goals, mind dumps, and taking stock of emotional wellbeing too. Her tools are particularly helpful for women like me who are playing multiple roles and even managing a few different work endeavors simultaneously.

Some books I love and have helped me as a person overall which I believe have helped me as a leader. Some are parenting/relationship books which as a leader, I think we need to see our teams as families and then all these principles easily apply. I could list so many more but these have always stood out to me and have helped me see and learn where my own control and ownership as a person end and where another’s begins. It’s also helped me see the power of teams and community and to never take that for granted. We have to know as leaders (and like parents) who is also influencing our team or potential customers and how to ensure our engagement and connection is stronger and has even greater influence.
“No-Why Kids of All Ages Need to Hear It and Ways Parents Can Say It” by David Walsh, PhD
“Cinderella Ate My Daughter” by Peggy Orenstein
“Extreme Ownership” by Jocko Willink
“Strengths Finder” by Tom Rath
“Codependent No More” by Melody Beattie
“Parenting Beyond Your Capacity” by Reggie Joiner and Carey Nieuwhof

Contact Info:

• Website: jamiekowilson.com
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jkowilson/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jamie.reeder.7
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jamiekowilson
• Other: biosite for all my contact links and to purchase my book: https://bio.site/jamiekowilson

Image Credits
beach photo – Whitney Sims Photography