We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Jacqueline Arend. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Jacqueline below.
Hi Jacqueline , thanks for joining us today. Has your work ever been misunderstood or mischaracterized?
Aging is interesting and probably one of life’s greatest adventures, if you can stomach it. I have been thinking a lot lately- what my younger self wanted to be. It’s hard not to go back like that and identify where things may have gone “wrong”. As someone who has a painful awareness of their insecurities, I have to ask why my younger self created some of these defense mechanisms. I will admit my perception of my past is subjective of course. I don’t hold anyone accountable, other than myself, for any path I landed on.
I was often characterized as weird. In fact, one time I traveled for an old friend’s wedding. We connected in the city nearby to enjoy a day at an amusement park, and I was the new kid in the bunch, meeting all of my friend’s friends for the first time. I had to ride in my friend’s friend’s car, after only having dinner and a stop off at a record store. As I got in the car… the driver said “if anyone else thinks ‘SheeRa’s’ friends are weird, say I.”
My immediate reaction “Hey, I’m in here!”
This friend was so clueless that I got assigned to their car, and got all the way in their car.
We sat in awkward silence… four of us in total. No one said a word, for maybe 10 minutes. I remember vividly thinking, you have two choices: “Sit here upset that you’ve been perceived as weird, for the 40 minute drive, or get them to talk about themselves.” I chose to get them to talk about themselves, and won them over… and so a powerful lesson was learned. No one like your weird.. best approach, get them to shine their own.
The truth is, this is not the first time my first impression has bothered someone. & I think I’ve spent much of my childhood & young adulthood learning how to be palatable, to be liked. It is no wonder that I gravitated to improvisation and its applicable function in connecting to people without judgement.
It’s taken me a long time to find my way back to my light. I say this because, unfortunately, in my experience, as a sensitive individual, growing up has been learning how to adjust my light so that I can comfortably be among others. Eventually, I was adjusting to others so that they may feel comfortable shining their own light. And then one day, I realized, “I’ve grown dim, I’m quiet”.
I look back on pictures of myself, and I see the light, but I also see someone who did not understand themself. Who did not feel worthy of much. Who eventually, after a long, eventful & fulfilling decade in their 30s, felt they just screwed it all up and now there was only darkness. Don’t worry, it wasn’t suffering darkness, it was just like “oh no, the lights went out.”
Coming out of that darkness has been interesting. As this moment I speak of was only just 2017. & As you know life has gotten rather divisive. When you are finding yourself out of a dark point in life, it is difficult to take sides. It’s like “hold on, I’m just now waking up… can I have a minute.” I’m dealing with having the courage to state my wants, like… the big ones, the ones that seem impossible. I’m dealing with gender identity and my comfort with androgyny. How to be loud, yet impeccable with my existence. Raised Catholic, I deal with guilt and worse, shame. I dwell too much on past mistakes, I antagonize too much over how my actions affect others. Truth is, that stuff served me just as it was meant to, I am a good person. I can stop judging myself for not living up to some impossible standard I set for myself or others, inadvertently.
It’s taken me a long time to find myself. Find my voice, my artist’s voice. And although it may be easy to point fingers and state that my whole life I’ve been misunderstood & mischaracterized, perhaps there is much truth to the fact that society got it wrong. And because I was outside the box, I got screwed. The truth here, folks, I also did it to myself. Here I am now, in my 40s, having that midlife (identity) crisis, trying to give myself the permission to be my whole, true self without judgement. It’s a hard pill to swallow, mainly because, like everything else in life, we are ever-changing. Is it really possible to truly understand ourselves? Perhaps the mystery is not ours to solve and this is where faith comes in, faith in ourselves that we can live and let live.
As always, we appreciate you sharing your insights and we’ve got a few more questions for you, but before we get to all of that can you take a minute to introduce yourself and give our readers some of your background and context?
I am an industry leader in the art of Improvisation. Whether it be performance, instruction, or applied improvisation. I landed on Improvisation as an avenue to a future in the entertainment industry in 2005. This opened a door for me to be a pioneer in the Phoenix Improv scene. Through this focus, I co-founded & maintained many functions of The Torch Theater (2007-2019), spent 10 years in leadership with the Phoenix Improv Festival (2007-2018), joined Improv Utopia in 2015, eventually becoming General Operations & Education Manager as of the current day. I have traveled all over the country to perform & teach.
In 2013 I started a relationship with Arizona Actors Academy as their Improv instructor and in 2015 became the main administrator for the organization. I began serious actor training in 2016 with Brandy Hotchner (artistic director) as my coach. This pursuit has given me the skills to pursue acting professionally, as I am currently represented in Phoenix with Dani’s Agency. My long time relationship with Arizona Actors Academy led me to Associate Artistic Director as of the current day.
I also work in applied improvisation, adapting the concepts & exercises of improv to positive communication & collaboration skills. Those of us in the applied world are always looking for ways to expand the reach of improvisational training in all avenues of life. I have had the pleasure of using my facilitation & instruction skills to add value to corporate leadership, education, healthcare professionals and outreach.
Through my experiences I picked up skills in graphic & web design, I can navigate the social media landscape and offer my expertise to any small business looking to get started or expand. I understand the anxieties around learning new skills and putting yourself out there, so I am patient and compassionate through the process. I can adapt to individual needs and am available for freelance work if anyone wishes to collaborate in a slower paced, step by step environment that aims to teach you how to maintain your own assets.
What do you find most rewarding about being creative?
Healing. In myself and if I ever have the privilege of offering some to others. I will speak directly to acting for this day & time but think it’s applicable to whatever artistic endeavor one might pursue.
Every character I have ever touched has taught me something, about myself, about life in general.
If I can become that character, if I can achieve believability, then hopefully that character also resonates with someone else who may be looking for a similar lesson, or whatever lesson they are to perceive. I benefit greatly from stepping into something else, or letting myself wander into a corner of myself that is underdeveloped. I appreciate that I give myself permission to be uncomfortable, to trust I will find myself on the other side… as it makes me more resilient in life, it expands my empathy and understanding of the human condition. It allows me to continue to hold gratitude and find beauty in what can sometimes be trying times.
What do you think is the goal or mission that drives your creative journey?
Life calls me to service – I am currently walking through most open doors, while also holding true to my worth. I assume every open door I walk through will lead to another. My goal & mission is vague, blurry and still from the mind of a 16 year old Jacque. Full of fantasy. However, since I started letting the impossible dreams tease me a little, I have had the courage to do more than I ever had before. They also say, when you’re ready, the opportunities find you and that excites me.
If I could, I would leave my life for three-six months and backpack around the world… I have responsibilities, life requires income to survive comfortably, so I often think of myself doing just that in my creative journey… just backpacking, with no real destination, just open to whatever calls me. This is currently driving me.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://jacquearend.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/goldtoothe/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jacque.arend/
- Twitter: https://twitter.com/jackerstheshoe
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAE8e1Wf-qccytpU76TCM_A
- Other: Team Building Workshops: https://www.azactorsacademy.com/team-building-professional-development/ Private Coaching: https://www.azactorsacademy.com/private-coaching/
Image Credits
Brad Reed Alex Lee Michael Astrauskas