We recently connected with Jacque Jordan and have shared our conversation below.
Jacque , looking forward to hearing all of your stories today. One of the toughest things about progressing in your creative career is that there are almost always unexpected problems that come up – problems that you often can’t read about in advance, can’t prepare for, etc. Have you had such and experience and if so, can you tell us the story of one of those unexpected problems you’ve encountered?
The year was 2019, I was a fresh graduate of Belmont University’s songwriting department. I had big dreams, and an even bigger pride in my craft. So much so, that I was working three jobs so I could keep my musical freedom. I was a nanny on the weekdays, worked retail on the weekends, and property managed for private investors. One day, a small Christian label reached out to me to write an album for them. I knew people involved, and although I didn’t quite understand their mission, someone wanted to fund my whole album, market it, and support me; it’s every artists dream, and it should have been a giant red flag.
There was no job contract. There was no job description. There was no business plan. All I knew was that this ministry was going to help the service industry, from veterans to waiters, and writing an album was going to fund us helping them. I was one of four other girls who worked for this ministry; I didn’t know what they did, and I don’t think they did either. We all worked on a large piece of land in south TN, where we would do odd jobs for the CEO and his family. Most months I made between 400-500 dollars, and that’s all I had to live on.
I had pulled together my previous music connections and had assembled a team to record this worship album at the Sound Emporium in Nashville. My mentor of now 10 years was producing it, and I felt confident in the players and songs. During the last day of recordings, I had left to go pick up my dog from the vet, and I get a phone call that something had happened. There had been a heated conversation between the CEO and the studio manager where the studio manager almost called for security. Overheard by all of the session musicians in the hallway and my mentor, the CEO refused to pay the previously agreed upon amount for the recording time, and players. He stated multiple times he needed “more control” over me. Driving back home after that phone call, I felt like a veil had been lifted from in front of my eyes. The fact that I had 15 other people telling me this man was acting crazy, affirmed everything I had been seeing and feeling for the last nine months, but I didn’t know if it was normal or not. I thought I was so lucky to be recording for money that I should just be quiet, submit and be happy I was chosen. But nothing that was happening was normal.
I went home and everything was flooding in. I had gotten a dog during covid, which upon finding out the CEO told me “I should have asked permission before getting a dog.” He told me I was never allowed to shave my head, I had to run my boyfriend choices past him. One of the girls that had a boyfriend in the group, they wanted her to break up with him and she didn’t, she was asked to leave shortly after. The CEO would call us into his office for 5-6 hours a day and talk in circles to us. I would leave having no idea what just happened. He would say anyone who didn’t join our “cause” wasn’t a real Christian. He was a strong advocate of the prosperity gospel, which isn’t Biblical, it teaches extreme submission to authority, giving all your money to the church in order to be blessed, and during covid, if you got sick it was because you did something wrong. At one point, he asked me to sell my house, move onto their compound and give him the money for my house and they would build a studio…. I thought about it. He wasn’t literate, and could barely write. His family did everything for him, yet he was terrible to his wife. He would tell her to shut up and stop talking in public, in front of strangers, and friends. They didn’t attend a local church. I was so brainwashed for the sake of pursuing music with a cause that I made exceptions for all of these shortcomings.
Rewind to me leaving the studio that day. I remember feeling free. I felt released. But leaving would be the hardest part of this journey. I had no friends outside of this group, no money (they wouldn’t pay us enough to ever save up), and I couldn’t put this on my resume because it seemed like such a fail. How could I, someone so independent, get sucked into this? How could I not see the red flags. Well, I was a romantic songwriter, from a single mother household, who loved the Lord, and was looking for a vocational and literal home. I lacked business savvy, as well as biblical literacy. I was the perfect person to get groomed and spiritually manipulated.
I wrote a letter that evening explaining to them why I was leaving their organization. And I planned to meet with the CEO the next day. Unfortunately, I had signed a three year contract with them, so they would get the songs; however when he refused to pay for the songs, those songs became mine. I showed up the next day with my mom in the car. I walk in and his whole family is there. I read my letter, and he gets out of his chair and starts to lunge at me raising his voice. His daughters tell him to sit down. I recite the incident that happened in the studio and one of his daughters proceeds to say that, “The spirit of deception fell over the studio, that is why everyone thought he was saying terrible things and raising his voice.” They also proceeded to say, “If you (me) leave, you will be stepping out from the mantel of God. You will be leaving his protection.”
For the proceeding 8 months, they came after me for 34,000 dollars to pay back my salary. I had no money. I was terrified they were going to show up at my door. Other girls that had left and I had hallucinations that we would see them in public. Their family sits in places of influence in the Christian world to this day, so there was no running from them. Eventually they stopped emailing me, my three year contract ran out, and I packed up my truck and headed back to Georgia.
But this story is not a warning to look out for wolves in sheep clothing. Or to vet someone by their fruit not their money. See, I was told the Lord would take away my gift if I didn’t use it for him. I was told if I stepped out under their authority the Spirit would leave me, the anointing would leave me. So this story is about reclaiming my gift of music, which ironically began with surrendering it.
I don’t think pursuing the Lord, led me into that organization, I think my pursuit of music led me there under the guise of “ministry.” This ministry hadn’t caused all my issues, but it made them worse. I had an eating disorder I had battled for 13 years. My relationships with my family had crumbled. I had a promiscuous past that haunted me. So, broken, and defeated living above my grandmas garage one new years eve I fell to my knees and I gave my life fully into the hands of Jesus Christ my savior because I could not heal from this on my own. I knew God was real, and now I needed his help to separate Himself from the lies the cult told as truth.
Freedom did not happen over night, it took three years to be able to tell this story, and freedom is still a daily journey. I am in my final year of Seminary. I will get my masters in Divinity from A.W. Tozer Theological Seminary. It has been the most fun thing I’ve ever done, the sweetest gift to learn about the Lord this way. I went to therapy for years, and we bridged the gap between the old me and the new me. We took the terrible moments and made them my strengths. I watched as the Lord restored all of my relationships with my family. He healed my eating disorder like that. And now I know there is a guy waiting for me out there, so I wait for him. During this time in Georgia, I shaved my head and learned how to have a conversation without putting my confidence in my looks. I joined small groups and led small groups, and watched as the Lord healed people, and watched as we wrestled with the Lord and hard questions. I put music on the shelf during this time. I wrote songs for classes, put Psalms to music, but I didn’t feel like “songwriter” was my identity anymore. In fact, I was ok if I never wrote another song again. And it was then I felt I could write again. I began writing an album that same week, and it was a celebration of life.
To sum up the return of the gift, it was 2024 and someone asked me how I write songs; like what was my process? I responded with, “the first thing I do is assess my heart, what is my motive for writing.” Why am I writing this song? Is it to get someone’s attention? Then I don’t write it. Is it to complain? Then I don’t write it. Is it to expose someone? Then I don’t write it.
If my heart is in a posture to serve, and love the best I know how then I proceed to write a song that will have a chance at getting released. Of course there are moments I write to process, but I don’t live for my songs anymore. They are meant to express emotion, but I choose to craft them after I have healed so they come from a place of perspective and wisdom. They come from a place of understanding and forgiveness.
I don’t serve my songs anymore, they serve a purpose for humanity. They can serve monetarily, emotionally, spiritually, and culturally. I would not have been free from myself unless I had walked into a cult. And without reaching the end of myself, my songs wouldn’t exist today. This is something they don’t teach you in music school, it’s only found in the unexpected turns of life.
Jacque , before we move on to more of these sorts of questions, can you take some time to bring our readers up to speed on you and what you do?
I started playing guitar when I was 11 years old when my step dad and mom got divorced and we had to sell all of our horses, the house, and move somewhere new. I played basketball my whole life, but guitar was an individual thing that helped me quiet down, process, and gave me something to do with my hands. I never wanted to be in the music industry, and I still don’t to this day. That is why I work at Anchor Investments as an Assistant Property Manager. Being financially reliant on releasing music seems dangerous to me personally. I don’t want my songs or my heart tainted by anything. Thankfully I have the blessing of working a job I love, and getting to create in a way that is true to myself. I would say I’m a songwriter’s songwriter. I love words, and a good story. If you get to the end of one of my songs and say “so what?” I haven’t done my job well enough. I’m most proud of whichever song I wrote last, as long as it’s better than the last. Having grown up on a horse farm in Georgia, my music is heavily influenced by the south. I am inspired by places I visit, towns I drive through, people I meet, and sunsets I see. Sometimes, in order to hold onto a feeling I’ll write about something I wish was true, for example I wrote, “There’s a marine with a mustache and tattoos saying, “I want to marry you…”” and oh how I wish that were true, but alas not yet.
My mission for my music is to create safe places that feels like home for people. I want my music to highlight the beauty of humanity, and our shortcomings. I want it all to point to God. Whether or not I explicitly say it, varies. I want to put a pebble in the listeners shoe. I want something to sit with them that makes them think, maybe it makes them uncomfortable, and maybe it makes them change something about their life. Maybe it puts things in perspectives. I have such admiration for people to make music just for it to sonically sound good, but that is not my mission. Like much of what I do, it needs to have a catalytic purpose.
Learning and unlearning are both critical parts of growth – can you share a story of a time when you had to unlearn a lesson?
Who are you writing for? When I was signed to a Christian label, all of my songs ran through one person. They would tell me to change this or they loved that. And very quickly, while I was writing I caught myself thinking about whether or not they would put this or that in the song. So even though I was writing alone, there was another co-writer there, in my mind. I am honestly not strong enough to have someone oversee and vet my songs without allowing them a say in my mind. It is a reason I work a normal, non-creative job. Just because some advice sells more songs, or gets more streams doesn’t mean it’s healthy for you. I am a human, and music affects me. I am responsible for what I put into the world, and what I put in the world affects others not just myself. That is why I think it is ok to be selective with who you choose to co-write with. You don’t need to say yes to every opportunity. You can be picky in a nice way. Creating with someone is a very personal thing, and it must be protected and cherished.
What’s the most rewarding aspect of being a creative in your experience?
The most rewarding aspect of being an artist or creative is getting to create with other people. When we all come together to create something we could not have done on our own it is magical. Getting fresh perspective outside of your mind is so necessary. Community is healthy in all areas of life, why wouldn’t it also be in the creative process?
Contact Info:
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jacquejordanmusic/
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jacque-jordan/
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@jacquejordanmusic
Image Credits
Abigail Achord