We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Hilary Stokes and Kim Ward a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Alright, Hilary & Kim thanks for taking the time to share your stories and insights with us today. Was there a defining moment in your professional career? A moment that changed the trajectory of your career?
Early in our careers we had an opportunity to be part of a small team of health professionals hired to research, design and implement what has become a world-renowned healing facility. Sanoviv Medical Institute is the first fully licensed functional medicine hospital founded by Dr. Myron Wentz, an internationally recognized health visionary. Sanoviv offers a comprehensive approach to healing mind, body, and spirit with a team of physicians, dentists, psychologists, chiropractors, nutritionists, energy healers, and more. Our nearly a decade at Sanoviv was the most influential in our approach to healing and transformation. In addition to contributing to the overall project, our primary role was to develop and oversee the psychology, spirituality, and fitness programs. We witnessed firsthand the power of holistic strategies and the significant limitations of a silver bullet, traditional approach both medically and psychologically. The traditional approach that we were trained in, the gold standard in our field revolves around the singularity of changing thoughts to feel better. This is known as cognitive therapy and is still considered the go-to therapy. Cognitive therapy typically does not include working with the relationship between mind, body, and spirit.
Most traditional therapies work from a top-down model where thoughts are used to change feelings, behaviors, and experiences. This model relies on the upper part of the brain (neocortex) which is also the newest part in our evolution, to manage and alter the inner and more primitive parts of the brain. As a result, the success of a top-down approach is contingent upon an individual’s ability to analyze, narrate, and verbally process their thoughts and feelings. Based on basic neuroscience, there are several limitations with this model starting with the fact that when we are stressed and anxious, we are not acting from the top part of our brain. It is neurologically illogical to talk your way through highly stressful, anxious or upsetting feelings. If talking about it were enough, then rates of depression, anxiety, and stress wouldn’t be increasing every year. Fortunately, as we experienced at Sanoviv, with a small amount of effort you can disengage the stress response and guide your body and mind back to feeling secure, present, and empowered. Only now you’re truly ready to realize the power of your positive thinking. This is called the bottom-up model.
Mind body approaches follow the bottom-up model recognizing that the primitive brain sends information and experiences up through the limbic system for release and into the neocortex for processing. Given traumatic and stressful experiences are stored in the deeper brain centers through our sensory system and nonverbal processes, a bottom-up model is essential in the healing process. Thankfully it is worth noting that advances in modern technology have led to extensive finite mapping of brain pathways as well as validating the relationship between thoughts, emotions, the body, and healing.
As part of our role in developing the psychology and spirituality programs we were fortunate to be trained by some of the best doctors in the world for holistic healing. Most of the guests that came for treatment at Sanoviv had run the gamut of singular approaches and were frustrated with the lack of results. We witnessed the healing power of combining mind, body, and spirit countless times. It shaped and molded our entire view and approach on health, healing, and happiness. We have a holistic private practice that offers advanced mind body approaches such as somatic therapy, mindfulness, brainspotting, EMDR, energy psychology, and biofeedback.
Hilary & Kim, love having you share your insights with us. Before we ask you more questions, maybe you can take a moment to introduce yourself to our readers who might have missed our earlier conversations?
We met in the early 90’s while working with an organization committed to healing, transformation and global consciousness. We felt like kindred spirits finding each other again as seekers on the path with a deep calling for authentic healing. We have been partners in work and life ever since. We come from a personal understanding of overcoming life trauma and vulnerabilities including post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, depression, eating disorders and purposelessness. We had worked hard attempting to heal through traditional approaches that were not truly effective. At the time we were in graduate school for psychology and felt disillusioned with the process of true healing. We had each spent years in talk therapy to heal past trauma yet were still struggling with unhealthy patterns and symptoms. This set us on a quest to discover alternative strategies for healing. We sought out the best of mind body therapies. Our time at Sanoviv Medical Institute developing the psychology and spirituality programs, gave us priceless insight and practical experience in integrative health. Together we have training and certifications in over 25 holistic modalities including brainspotting, biofeedback, meditation, EMDR, breathwork, the Enneagram Personality System, neurolinguistic programming, Tibetan Buddhism psychology, hypnosis, EFT, energy psychology, coaching, reiki and visualization.
One of the tools we learned early on is called the Enneagram Personality System. We have found it to be one of the most powerful tools for personal insight, authenticity, and relationship transformation. It provides a roadmap into our strengths, challenges, blind spots, motivations, relationship styles and gifts. We use it personally and professionally virtually every day. In the past several years we have volunteered to bring the Enneagram into correctional facilities and small groups to help those who are incarcerated learn to use this tool for their personal healing and growth. We have also offered brainspotting and other trauma therapies through the Brahman Project’s Freedom From The Inside program. This is a remarkable program committed to supporting individuals both inside and outside the correctional system.
We have a holistic private practice where we specialize in advanced mind body approaches for healing trauma, PTSD, anxiety, depression, burnout, relationship issues and any mental health challenge. We offer one on one coaching and counseling sessions for individuals and couples. We love learning and sharing science-based methods that empower individuals to create health, happiness, vitality. Our book The Happy Map: Your roadmap to the habit of happiness, is a culmination of what we have learned on both sides of the couch for healing trauma and stress and cultivating happiness and wellbeing.
We are passionate about nature, animals, and spirituality. We enjoy spending rejuvenation time hiking, surfing, biking, scuba diving, deepening our spirituality, meditating, practicing qigong and yoga, and relishing in the loving connection of our friends, pets, and family.
We’d love to hear about you met your business partner.
Undoubtedly one of the most important parts of our lives and work is that we experience it fully together. We met while participating in an immersive personal growth workshop. We felt a soul recognition with each other and the consciousness work we were committed to. During these beginning years we were steeped in learning and living consciousness principles and practices. In addition to meditation, emotional transparency, and authentic communication, the Enneagram Personality System was one of our favorite tools that we still use every day. This time formed the foundation of our relationship.
It has been 26 years since we have been partnering together in life and work. It has been a magical journey lifetimes in the making. We have a core set of beliefs we live by that include taking full responsibility for our lives, doing our own work, enduring appreciation for each other, and loving with open-hearted compassion. We lean into our foundation all of the time. We have each other’s back, support our growth, allow room for feelings, and are each other’s cheerleaders in the entire process. Early on we heard the suggestion to roll out the red carpet for your partner, as if to announce to the world, ‘They’ve arrived, may I introduce you to my beloved the most amazing person I know.’ We have been doing it for each other ever since.
Training and knowledge matter of course, but beyond that what do you think matters most in terms of succeeding in your field?
Compassion, acceptance, and doing our own work are essential to supporting others in an authentic way. We are all doing our best and we are in this together learning lessons in this school of life. It is not for the faint of heart as the path is enshrouded in the veil of illusion. Along with the joys and inspirations we face loss, heartbreak, and disappointment. Eastern wisdom teaches us that pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional and releasing our attachments is the path out of suffering. Compassion and acceptance allow us to release resistance to what is, let go of resentments, heal hurt, and do our work. Doing our work is vital so that we can hold a present, safe, and transformational space for those we have the opportunity to support. When we take accountability for practicing what we are encouraging in others, we become an authentic source of support. Self-compassion and self-acceptance are foundational to this journey. They inspire us to open our hearts and heal with a power that often exceeds language. They invite us to see our similarities more than our differences and to come together in unity as we walk this path of life together.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.authenticityassociates.com/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AuthenticityAssociates
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kim-ward-phd-hilary-stokes-phd-83214b3/
- Twitter: https://twitter.com/authenticitya
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUx21KSEL7k6kJURN-5OwRg/featured