We were lucky to catch up with Hilary Heninger recently and have shared our conversation below.

Hi Hilary , thanks for joining us today. To kick things off, we’d love to hear about things you or your brand do that diverge from the industry standard

I think it’s fascinating that the standard response of advice that people receive when going through a divorce is to hire a lawyer. Without any additional context or understanding of why, when it’s appropriate, the potential downside of hiring the wrong lawyer, how exactly the find on or how that fits with their overall intention to navigate their divorce and pay for the divorce itself.

I think that the o distrust standard is this messaging is not serving the reality of what divorce does to many people
Financially, in particular women, who are statistically more negatively impacted by divorce outcomes.

From my own experience, and from helping hundreds of clients, I can tell you how important it is to understand the gravity of that decision and to do it with a lot of intention. Getting legal advice is so important. That’s a very different process from retaining a lawyer. Yet, we still hear so many people saying “hire a lawyer” without any strategy to back up how that decision fits within the financial, emotional or strategic plan for their divorce.

I have built my business with the intention of focusing more on strategy, something I don’t see talked about enough. In one of my courses that offers clients a 10 step roadmap through divorce, getting legal advice, from my perspective, is high on the list of priorities but retaining a lawyer is a much more intentional decision that comes once you have gathered more information.

Your divorce needs to consider what’s best for you today and in the future. Which is why you need to be intentional about retaining a lawyer, because for many, legal costs represents the single largest expense in your divorce.

Awesome – so before we get into the rest of our questions, can you briefly introduce yourself to our readers.

I created my business out of a need that I had while navigating my own divorce. Like many entrepreneurs, when the market lacks the solutions you’re looking for, you go and create it yourself. What started as helping friends and people around me, turned into a workshop, then coaching and courses. I focus on the 3 areas I see lacking in the market. Support, Strategy, and Rebuilding specifically for women.

I felt so frustrated realizing through my divorce that the law protects only what you can afford to pursue yet the system can cripple you before you even realize that. In addition, women are disproportionately impacted by divorce, especially financially, and while the reasons for this can be complex, I quickly understood that women needed more resources in building their strategy through divorce and rebuilding afterwards, regardless of the outcome.

Having a community of support, understanding your strategy through the divorce process (that doesn’t financially cripple you), and a framework for rebuilding is paramount to better outcomes.

I offer plenty of free content for people to feel better supported and two main courses for the key areas to support women and help them build strategy and a framework to recover. The 10 Step Roadmap will help you feel better equipped through divorce and build your strategy while Smart Girls Rebuild is all about recovering emotionally, financially and professionally.

I always say, you aren’t negotiating your divorce. You’re renegotiating your future. I want to be part of helping that happen!

How about pivoting – can you share the story of a time you’ve had to pivot?

The sunk cost fallacy is one that I think comes up so often in divorce, and definitely a lesson I had to be reminded of through my own divorce in pivoting when you recognize you’re no longer on the right track.

I truly believe you are your own best advocate through divorce. I often remind clients that you can outsource a lot of expertise but you can’t outsource your advocacy. You aren’t supposed to be a legal expert or financial analyst but you have to be your own advocate in finding the right experts to inform your decision making.

I remember being so far in the hole financially with a lawyer who ironically knew there was no way I could afford to continue, on top of not even being close to a settlement, when my partner at the time very simply asked me “can your lawyer actually get you this outcome?”

And although it was stating the obvious, because there was no indication they could, and I had already lost trust in terms of the costs they had incurred to date with nothing to show for it, it was so uncomfortable to consider starting over and recognizing that I felt lost than to admit what felt like defeat at the time.

I also knew that my partner was right and that I could, without fail, trust him. So ignoring the reality of what was driving my current plan, which was, “well, I’ve come this far and spent this much”, was going to cost me far more than pivoting, was a harsh reality.

Yet it was that pivot that taught me how important advocacy and having a sound strategy is. Finding ways to work within the system is critical to figuring out how to get it to work for you, because the system itself, especially with the conventional advice of “hire a lawyer”, is inefficient and outdated.

Moreover, I think that this is a common experience for many believing that they don’t have a lot of control or advocacy. This is further compounded by a system that isn’t concerned with conserving resources. I consistently tell my clients to trust their gut, hit pause when they feel overwhelmed or exhausted and strategically pivot when something isn’t working.

Can you share a story from your journey that illustrates your resilience?

I think people who have not gone through divorce don’t truly appreciate the gravity of change that’s occurring in people’s lives.

When we consider that for many families, divorce means loss and change on so many levels, we can start to better understand how to over support. Divorce means navigating the grief and loss of one of the most foundational relationships of our adult life and the future we had planned for, loss of income, loss of our home, as one or both parents move, and changing social circles. Yet the world will expect you to continue along, going to work, showing up as a parent, paying bills and managing the day to day of regular life while your world is falling apart. It’s such a disconnect from the reality of what families are facing.

For myself, going from being primarily a stay at home parent, raising 3 kids, to being financially vulnerable, moving, finding a full time job, parenting and managing the divorce process was the greatest pivot of my life. It was terrifying and empowering in many ways, but it’s only in retrospect that you truly realize how resilient you are. When you’re in the thick of it, and focused on surviving, it can be hard to recognize how much we have had to navigate. It takes incredible courage to navigate divorce and there is not enough support for most from a societal acknowledgment of how much change is happening for families.

I never want a woman that I work with to go through that experience without knowing there are people who genuinely care. Knowing you are not alone is a powerful tool that can help people find advocacy
In their circumstances, an important lesson in moving through difficult life transitions. .

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.smartgirlsdivorcestrategy.com/
• Instagram: @smartgirlsdivorcestrategy