We were lucky to catch up with Hannah Smith recently and have shared our conversation below.
Hannah, looking forward to hearing all of your stories today. Let’s talk legacy – what sort of legacy do you hope to build?
This is particularly a question that has been heavy on my mind for a long while. For the past few years, in the midst of extreme hardship and loss, I have thought deeply about my life, and what I truly am here for. They say that everyone has a purpose here in this life, but outside of the generalized statement, I like to think that everyone I encounter is for a reason, and has a purpose in my own life. And I provide the same for others. There are some who have come into my life as a kind, loving support. True friends, who make and have made me smile, and are a warm and compassionate shoulder to rest on. I will forever be grateful for those individuals in my life, who have come and gone. Others have come into my life with the sole intent of casting a shadow where there is light, and causing harm. I have been used, abused, lied to, and hurt by some individuals who come into my life, who I had high hopes and nothing but love for. In a way, I am grateful for them as well, for they came into my life, not to show me love and kindness, but to remind me of the importance of showing love and kindness to others, as well as showing me my strength in even the darkest of times. In regard to my own legacy, I strive every day to be a reminder to others that they are not alone, and I try to be a light and a warm place of comfort for others to turn to, should they find themselves in need of a friend. I personally know what it feels like to be bullied, to experience heartbreak, loss, and loneliness. I know what it’s like to be truly and deeply afraid, even fear of losing your life. I know what it’s like to lose your voice, to feel hopeless and alone. I never want anyone to experience what I have had to. And though I know the world is full of evil, it doesn’t have to all be bad. There is still goodness, and it exists within each of our lives. I just want everyone to remember me as someone who tried her best to be a friend to all, and who would give you the shoes off her feet if it meant you could continue to walk just one more step out of the darkness. I want to be remembered as someone who always fought for the truth to be told, and worked hard to be able to give back to my community around me. At the end of the day, we all have a choice to choose kindness or to choose hate. I choose love, above all, because that’s what we all need.
Hannah, before we move on to more of these sorts of questions, can you take some time to bring our readers up to speed on you and what you do?
Hello, I’m Hannah Smith. I am known more commonly on social media as Hannah Noel, or as Lunar Phoenyx. I am a freelance character performer, and I perform at birthday parties, events, and for various online content creation and creative photoshoots. But my absolute favorite thing that I’m able to do ultimately is give back to my community through performing. I have been performing for over 10 years now in this very specific niche, and I have had a number of amazing opportunities to perform across the United States, as well as meet an entire network of incredibly talented individuals, who are out making the world a better place through magic creation as well.
I have been a performer since I was a child, and have always enjoyed creating costumes and characters to assist in telling stories. Everyone has a story to tell, and I have always enjoyed telling my own through live character entertainment, on the state, on screen, and through improvisation. I took a long, much-needed break from social media, after a particularly hard and dark experience in my life that happened within the past few years. Upon recreating social media accounts and reactivating my business, I decided to rebrand under a name that meant something significant to me, and that payed tribute to what I have personally overcome, and what I now stand for.
The name, ‘Lunar Phoenyx’, is made up of a few unique words. The first part, ‘Lunar’, pays tribute to the moon. I have always looked up to the moon as a symbol of hope; a light in the darkness, and a constant friend who is always there, even if you cannot see them. Going through some of the hardest things imaginable, I often looked up to the moon for reassurance and guidance, knowing that I was never truly alone. Even in the darkest of nights, the moon’s light cannot be hidden. If the moon can push through the night sky and provide that kind of light to all, then I knew that I could follow suit and do the same. The second part, ‘Phoenyx’, is comprised of two separate ideas: The first, a tribute to the legend of the Phoenix bird in mythology. There is only one Phoenix in existence at a time, and it is a bird that is burned in flame and still able to rise from nothing but ash. It takes a special kind of strength to rise again from absolutely nothing, and I had to experience just that. I know I have yet to share my story out loud, and it may take me time, as it’s something I’m still processing overall, but it’s rare that someone in my situation came out alive. Burning within a flame can feel horrible, awful, and excruciating. I know many have experienced being burned in the metaphorical flame; and to have the audacity to come back, brighter than the sun, from something so devastating is a spiritual growth experience in itself. The last part, ‘Nyx’, pays tribute to another part of mythology, the Goddess Nyx. Nyx is the Goddess of the Night, and controls all therein. Nyx is a reminder to myself that no matter how dark things are, because of what I have overcome, I can control all things therein as well. I can control how I react to darkness, I can shine bright, and extend love to those also feeling alone in the dark, and I can change the perspective I have in regard to fear of being lost in the night. Together, these words that make up my name, ‘Lunar Phoenyx’, have an extreme significance to my personal story, to who I am as an individual, and where I am going from here.
I believe what sets me apart from many others in this niche industry, beyond my resilience and willingness to rebrand authentically, and come back even stronger, is my attention to professional detail in all things. Additionally, my transparency and willingness to donate my time to give back to my community, and to those in need. I enjoy creating and commissioning beautiful, high quality costumes and accessories, as a way to solidify the validity of my characters to anyone who chances to meet them, as well as support other local creators and businesses while I am at it. I aim to provide the most professional and realistic character experiences imaginable, so that everyone has a chance to meet their favorite character and have a positive and memorable experience while doing so.
Though I do generate an income for myself off of the character services I provide, I also enjoy volunteering my time often in my local community to provide character experiences for individuals and families, who may not otherwise have an opportunity to meet their favorite character for a variety of reasons, or who just need a general magical experience as a pick-me-up to help get through a hard time. I was born and raised in a city and area that doesn’t have as many financial resources and opportunities as other areas do, and so I have always given back when I’ve been able to. I am particular about community growth, and I don’t particularly see myself as in a competition with any other business in my area. Rather, I am interested in team work and seeing how we can come together to create a positive and inclusive impact in the area. I love to involve other creators and businesses in my efforts to collaborate in working with nonprofit events and fundraisers as well. All I ask of those who assist me is that no personal promotion take place (so that the main mission of the nonprofit and goal of the event is the focus, and not individual performer clout), and that event professionalism remain the standard. I don’t ask much, but I do direct the focus to be on the organization that I am assisting, which is not a common business practice amongst performing groups or freelance performers.
Ultimately, I am proud of myself for the work I put in every day to create a reality I am happy to live in. I am grateful I get to wake up every day, and do what I love, and to create magic everywhere I go, and that I am surrounded by a community of genuine people who work equally as hard to make the world a better and more magical place.
Can you share a story from your journey that illustrates your resilience?
Reflecting back in time these past few years, I have many stories and experiences of when I was thrown into a fire and expected to never return. However, time and time again, I have never given up.
Specifically, what I am choosing to share, is an illustration of a time in my life that I never thought I would get through, that ultimately impacted how I operate in life and in business today.
I was with a man a few years ago who I thought I was going to spend forever with. It’s the age-old tale of dodging a bullet, though truly, I saw my future with this person. They say when you know, you just know, and I knew. We had dated for a long period of time, however, we dated and met through another mutual individual who, at the time, was making my life a literal living hell. This mutual introduced the two of us, and one thing led to another. This man, for the sake of privacy, let’s call him John, was deployed overseas, and there was a lot of learning and growing individually and together during this time. When he returned home, he returned on my birthday, and we had the typical military surprise homecoming experience. Following this, we spent as much time as we could together, though he was fairly busy with his job. He was a Captain in the Army, and was stationed out of Washington State, and would travel back and forth frequently. So much so, I would take trips with him, and we even looked at housing and discussed moving closer to the base. I met his whole family, went to family gatherings, was helping his mom sell her home, and so much more. It was the perfect scenario.
My whole future looked so bright, especially after dealing with this old mutual that John and I had, the same mutual who introduced us. John even saw a side of this mutual he claims he had never seen before after this mutual began harming me repeatedly, and John had expressed the need to move me out of state to get away from this person who would not stop seeking out opportunities to harm me further. We discussed living options, and decided that for the time being, it was best for me to move into John’s second home, with roommates who rented out other rooms in the home, just until John and I could find a place together. John owned two homes, and his primary residence also had renters in it, whom he lived with still, as they watched his house during deployments and during his absences while in Washington State. Because of this, moving in together was not an option, we agreed. Besides, I was going to try to go back to school to get a degree prior to moving out of State, and so I moved in to the home in South Jordan to attend Salt Lake Community College.
Things were going fine, though I was still having to deal with frequent incidents involving John and I’s mutual. I was having to learn to live with medically diagnosed PTSD, given to me by the mutual, as well as dealing with employer fraud (I was working as a Realtor, and my then-brokers committed financial fraud, leaving me with no paycheck after working my first deal with them). I had to pick up a few part time jobs, while still trying to stay involved in school and on campus. Due to the stress, some in-home factors, and having to be out and about, I caught COVID multiple times, and had the fullest extent of symptoms imaginable. I ended up having to quit one of my jobs, which happened to be Spirit Halloween. I had helped set up the store in the area, and upon leaving for legitimate medical reasons, I was told by the store manager that I had ‘horrible work ethic’, among other things, since I quit close to the store opening. I knew it wasn’t true, but words carry weight. I was already feeling down, was running out of funds, and was just not being treated kindly by those around me.
During this time, John began asking me to pay rent money while living in his house. I didn’t mind, as I understood that mortgages are pricey, and it was only fair that I pay him for the space in his house, dating or not. I was able to pay rent-only, as things were tight working part time while constantly sick, in addition to odd jobs I could find, in the midst of figuring out many other things involving the real estate brokers and still ongoing issues with the mutual. John became more and more hard to spend time with, as he began working out at Dugway (or so he claims) in addition to his position as an Army Captain. He would make promises of dates that he was going to take me on, trips he had planned, and more. He would even go as far as telling me to get ready for dinner or a specific date that he was going to take me on, only to postpone the time later and later until he eventually cancelled, promising me that he would take me another time. Even after I had gotten fully ready. I remember trying to be understanding for his sake, as military requirements are taxing, or so he made it seem, especially in his case. But there were so many times that I would become emotional despite trying to be patient, just wishing for a chance to see John again and spend time together. He was all I wanted in the midst of the turmoil that my life was at this time. But his work took priority, always.
I held on to hope for John and I for far longer than I should have. My loyalty is deeply rooted, I guess you could say, and I don’t give up on people or things I believed in. And I believed in John and I. However, I learned something valuable, though it broke my heart in such a way that changed my life.
John had a family. A secret family. John had a beautiful woman, a baby, in addition to many other girls that he was stringing along on the side, just as myself. John had created a persona and a life so perfectly tailored to my dreams and expectations for my own hopeful future, that I fell for, and I fell for hard. But how do you explain, or even begin to put into words, the fact that you fell in love with someone who didn’t even exist?
John was a beautiful and tangible figure in my world. John was my world. Yet, John wasn’t truly real. John had created himself to appear as someone that I would trust enough to give money to, my future to, and a temporary companion, but John never truly cared about me. I had hopes of a beautiful and bright future that would pull me out of the darkness that I was nearly drowning in, while the environment around me watched in silence. Much doesn’t make any sense regarding this situation, and yet looking back in time, I can see all of the signs that should have been clear as day. But love is blind.
John watched as I struggled to afford food, and ate dollar store or heavily discounted, sometimes even expired food, to keep from going hungry. Though I got food from my parent’s house when I was able to, it wasn’t frequent enough, and often times my roommates would eat my food before I could, and so I opted to shop in small quantities to avoid my food going missing. John watched me become extremely sick with COVID, and only contacted me to let me know his non-agreeance regarding my ability (or lack there of) to receive the COVID vaccine, since I was sick back to back with various strains. John watched me go through things with our mutual, as well as with work, and was more concerned over if I was going to have rent money for him at the first of the month than if I was okay… Though I never missed or was late on a payment. John didn’t love me, because you don’t watch someone you love struggle so badly that they lose nearly everything, and not even say a word about it.
The roommates I was living with in John’s home were conducting a variety of illegal activities out of the home, and though I tried often to get John’s attention in addressing the matter as the landlord, he would not help. Myself and one other roommate, who happened to be John’s roommate on deployment, tried various things to get John’s help as we were not involved in the culture of the house, but nothing was ever done. This other roommate, for the sake of privacy I will call him Ben, and I couldn’t even physically stay in the house a majority of the time, due to what was being done inside.
The roommates in John’s basement were chronic ‘illegal substance’ growers, and were constantly smoking inside the home. The smoke would come up through the vents, and they would constantly have people over to throw parties all during the day and night. The roommate upstairs, which is where Ben and I were both located, constantly had various people over as well, but they were all female. One after another, these women would come down the hall and into his room, and would trash the bathroom, which this other roommate and I had to share (Ben had his own bathroom, as he had the master bedroom) with cigarette butts, used tissues left in the sink, yellow stains on the tile and sink, horrible smells, and so much more. I attribute this to the reason I was sick so often as well, due to how many random people were in the house, and using the spaces therein. However, things took a darker turn when the smells became different and more intense in the home. I can’t fully explain the smell, but neither Ben nor I could breathe the air. Something involving a strong chemical was burning, almost nightly, coming from the room just next to me. It hurt to breathe, I couldn’t talk, due to my throat becoming raw, and my health declined even more, as my roommate’s behavior became more unpredictable.
One night, my roommate came home late at night, and began banging on my door. I was home alone, as I had taken Ben to the airport earlier that day because he had a work obligation in Kentucky. I tried talking through the door, but it wasn’t working, so I (stupidly) opened it. This roommate began angrily questioning me, stating that someone had told John about what was going in the house, and John called him and questioned him about it. I quickly said I didn’t know, as I had been sick with COVID and confined to my room (not a lie), and that it may have been Ben who talked to John, as John no longer was talking to me. The roommate went into his room for a moment. I knew in my gut that I just needed to leave, so I messaged Ben what had happened, what I had said, and told him I was leaving for the night. The catch is, I had COVID with symptoms, once again. I couldn’t go to anyone else’s home, and no hotel would allow me to stay, so I had one option. It was cold, as this was in January. So I bundled up clothes as thick as I could, without being uncomfortable, grabbed a few blankets, and got in my Jeep. My roommate stopped me as I was trying to pull out, and questioned where I was going. I told him I had been invited to stay at a friend’s for a girl’s night, and was leaving for the night. Luckily, he let me go.
That night changed everything for me. Call it being in survival mode, or what you will, but I knew I was done. I drove around until it was late in the night, as there are a lot of risks associated with sleeping in your car, but I had previously had practice up to this point. Once it was late enough, I parked in a park and ride, put some sun shades around my windows for privacy, and layed in my back seat. It was a cold, cold night, and my body, which was exhausted from fighting COVID, just shut down. I drifted off for a bit, but kept waking up with cold chills. I watched my phone’s temperature app fall until it hit 12 degrees. I knew I couldn’t remain laying there all night, or the outcome could not be favorable. I got up, and exhaustedly got back into the driver’s seat. I turned on the heater, and tried to thaw out. I decided to drive up to a lookout point on the mountain, just to distract my mind. I drove up the mountain, and as I was sitting there, I remember just having this knowing in my heart that this was my defining moment.
At this point in time, I was unaware of John’s secret life, but still was not a fan of how I had been treated. John had come to see me one time in person, prior to this moment, and showed up unexpectedly at the house one day, after a period of little communication. He apologized to me for being so busy with work, and told me that he was making it all up to me, especially for the month of October, which we were approaching at that point in time, as Halloween is my favorite holiday. He told me he had purchased tickets for a variety of Haunted Houses, a concert for a band I love, and so much more. After he left that day, I never saw him again. Halloween came, and went, and I never even received a call or text from him, and ended up watching Tim Burton movies back to back alone in the house, waiting for trick or treaters. I spent my favorite holiday alone, hoping that maybe, JUST maybe, he might surprise me on the holiday. But he never came.
With all the memories flooding back, I finally broke, and cried for what felt like hours up on that mountain. Everything I had ever been through up to that point, including John, and including the mutual person we both knew who was putting me through the wringer with a variety of things, came barreling through my mind in waves as I just helplessly sobbed. My body hurt, I felt stuck, everything was dark. I had nowhere to go, I truly felt alone in that moment. I still remember every detail of that experience, and yet, I’ve come so far from that day. I made the decision that moment that I was done, and as painful as I knew it was going to be, I needed to leave.
And I did. I messaged John and let him know that I was moving out of the home. I packed up and moved my things, all by myself. It took a couple trips back and forth, but with each trip, I knew I was letting go of a future of pain and disappointment, and potentially being harmed by individuals even in the home I lived in. John never did respond to the message regarding my moving out of the house, but filled the spot in my then-vacant room rather quickly, according to Ben. I did get one final message from John in where he stated that he was sorry, and that he would explain everything soon, and more rambling about work business. And then, nothing.
I ended up deleting all of my social media accounts, changed my phone number, got a new phone, new email addresses, everything. John, nor our mutual, nor anyone really from my past, would be able to locate me. It was hard to delete all that was familiar to me. I lost social accounts and networks that I had built up since I was a teenager. I lost virtual friendships I’d grown fond of. Photos, memories, and so much more. I had to cope with losing almost everything I knew, what felt like overnight. I had a lot of time to heal, be alone, and contemplate what had happened. After this time, is when I found out about John’s secret family, and all the details therein. And another wave came over me, but this time, all I felt was anger. I was angry for so many reasons, understandably, and I was also confused. I had many questions, as I had met his entire family, extended and all, friends, coworkers on and off the army base, and yet, no one said a word to me about anything that was going on. I felt stupid, hurt, and a wave of emotions. But most of all, I could rest.
I never got closure with John. One day he was here, and the next day, it’s as if he never existed. Ultimately, I came to realize my own strength and independence through all things. Truly, if I could survive such a thing as this, and all of the related experiences therein, in addition to everything else that was simultaneously occurring, then I could survive anything else that came down the line. I’ve forgiven John over time, as painful of a process it has been. But I forgive others for my own peace, rather than expect anyone to ever come around to apologize to me. Finding that healing peace within myself to accept what is and move forward has helped me tremendously, in life, and in business.
The biggest thing to know is that you are not responsible for people’s actions. People will always take action and make choices in regard to their own mental space. If they are in a space where they are genuinely wanting the best for others, their actions will show it. And on the flip side, if people are out to harm and use others, their actions will manifest as such. Paying attention to people’s actions is so important, in all aspects, because words are often meaningless in most situations. It is the action, or non-action, behind a person’s words that give the words their weight. The biggest question to ask yourself, is what kind of person do you want to be?
What’s the most rewarding aspect of being a creative in your experience?
There are a lot of reasons why being a freelance performer is rewarding. For starters, I get to dress up as fantasy characters for a living. When I was younger, I wanted nothing more than to perform, and to be a princess, a mermaid, or anything magical. And I get to live out my childhood dreams, which not many people are so lucky to do. Becoming a princess, and performing for as many years as I have has boosted my self-confidence extremely. I have been able to see myself in a more positive light, which has also helped carry me through some hard times. I find I relate to the characters, and some of the hardships they face, and I can find a common strength within my own reality to be able to carry on. I love sharing the character’s stories with others, as an example that no matter what happens, that they, too, can overcome hard things, remain kind, and that they possess positive qualities within themselves, just as the characters do.
Not only do I get to make my own dreams come true, I get to be a part of creating magic and helping dreams come true for others. I thoroughly enjoy giving back to my community, and to the people who believe in me and what I’m out here doing. I have met so many wonderful and inspiring individuals through the work that I am doing, and I am grateful for each person I get to interact with. I love being able to have the freedom of being my own boss, to be able to live the life that I want to live. I feel such a relief knowing that I am creating my own reality to be one that is full of magic, community, love, freedom, and inspiration.
I truly believe in the phrase, “If you can dream it, you can do it”.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.hannahnoelofficial.com
- Instagram: www.instagram.com/lunar_phoenyx
- Facebook: www.facebook.com/hannahnoelofficial
Image Credits
Snow White: FoxLightPhoto, Cinderella: Images By Felicia B, Rapunzel: Fat Cat Photography Utah, Neverland Mermaid: Saphira Chanel Photography, Celestia the Fairy: Ivy Vine Births, Anna: Vivian C Photography, Elsa: PKY Photography, Ariel: Shelbi Lee Photography