We caught up with the brilliant and insightful HANA KIM a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

HANA, thanks for taking the time to share your stories with us today Can you talk to us about a project that’s meant a lot to you?

My most meaningful project is my current endeavor—a deeply personal blog chronicling my transformative journey from the bustling chaos of Korea to the serene embrace of California.

At age 43, I found myself in an unfamiliar territory, surrounded by the flaps of a tent billowing gently in the morning breeze. Camping had never been my forte; it was a world foreign to me, much like the landscape that stretched out beyond the canvas walls. Here, in this Lemon Grove in San Diego, I stood alone, with no one to call friend and no familiar face to comfort me.

Leaving Comfort Behind

In just nine months, I transitioned from two months of tent life in Lemon Grove to the extravagant world of mansion living. Forget ‘Keeping Up with the Kardashians,’ my journey was more akin to ‘Surviving with the Lemons!’

Leaving behind a decade-long teaching career and the conveniences of modern Seoul, I arrived in Lemon Grove, San Diego with nothing but two suitcases. From there, my journey evolved, moving from a humble tent to a cabin nestled amidst nature’s embrace. Seven months of solitude allowed me to delve deeper into the essence of who I am, away from the noise of the world. Then, a stark contrast—a brief stay in a luxurious mansion, reaffirming that true home is not measured by the size of the castle.

Contrasts of Tent Living and Mansion Life

Living in a tent was a stark shift from modern Seoul with its bidet-equipped toilets. Instead of the technological comforts I was accustomed to, tent living offered a Home Depot bucket, where I contributed my urine to nourish the surrounding trees. It was a humbling experience, contrasting sharply with the automated service of robot waiters in Korean restaurants. Here, I was growing vegetables and fruits from scratch. The differences between tent living and mansion life were profound. In the tent, I braved outdoor showers, daring to take one early in the morning or late at night despite the cold, while the mansion boasted five different Jacuzzis filled with salt water.

Emotional Reflections

Emotionally, tent living offered me the breathtaking beauty of sunrise each morning, symbolizing new beginnings and the shedding of past burdens. It was a daily reminder that I deserved more than the weight of unworthiness that had plagued me for years. Mansion living, on the other hand, reminded me that home is not defined by the size of your castle, but by the genuine connections you cultivate.

A Journey of Self-Discovery

In my early 20s, I chased money and fame, only to discover I was still lonely and empty inside. Transitioning into my 30s, I pursued academic success in search of security and approval, yet found myself overwhelmed with anxiety and fear. At 43, I made a life-altering decision to follow my heart’s true desires—to live in California and pursue my dream of publishing a book. The golden rays of the California sunrise whispered of a new belief taking root within me—a belief that I am worthy, deserving of all the good things life had to offer. With each passing day, I nurture this newfound conviction, vowing to break free from the cycle of self-sabotage and shallow relationships.

Sharing Lessons Learned

My blog shares these life lessons, offering a beacon for those navigating their own journey of self-discovery and transformation. I aim to illuminate the path for those wrestling with belonging and self-worth demonstrating that clarity, purpose, and a sense of belonging are indeed attainable.

HANA, before we move on to more of these sorts of questions, can you take some time to bring our readers up to speed on you and what you do?

Hey there! I’m Hana Kim, a seeker of life’s profound connections and experiences. Born and raised in the tranquil countryside of Korea, I’ve seen it all—from the rapid-fire changes of Seoul’s economic boom to navigating the chaos of a family marked by war trauma. Talk about a rollercoaster of experiences!

Finding peace and belonging hasn’t been easy for me. Growing up, I often felt like an outsider in my own home, where negative emotions ran rampant, and I became the target of family member’s emotional turmoil. Seeking validation, I embarked on a series of adventures, from rebellious teenage years to a stint as an exotic dancer at 18, eventually earning a degree with top honors at 32. But through it all, I discovered that true belonging comes from within.

Now, I’m pouring my heart into a blog written in Korean, with dreams of turning it into an English book. It’s a journey filled with laughter, tears, and everything in between. If you’re ready for an adventure, buckle up and join me. I’m on a mission to turn my blog into a book. If you know anyone in the publishing world or have connections with those who might be interested in working with me to bring this vision to life, I’d be incredibly grateful if you could spread the word.

Childhood Memories

At the tender age of 8, I spun a tale for my mother, claiming to have been elected as the president of my entire grade. Her pride in me was palpable, but little did I know that this lie would mark me as a liar in the eyes of my family and community. What I didn’t realize then was that I was desperately seeking my mother’s approval, a validation I felt unworthy of due to societal norms valuing sons over daughters. This moment, marked by humiliation and punishment, left a lasting imprint on my sense of self-worth.

The Search for Worthiness

Fast forward to age 18, where I found myself standing on a stage in front of American soldiers, clad in nothing but a thong and bikini top. Finally, I had the attention I craved, but the emptiness I felt returning home alone in the early hours of the morning was deafening. I yearned to feel worthy—worthy of attention, support, and connection.

Overcoming Self-Sabotage

Throughout my life, I’ve struggled with a constant inner dialogue, questioning my worthiness in every aspect of my existence. Whether it was in my health, relationships, or career, the fear of not being enough haunted me. But I’ve come to realize that true worthiness comes from embracing both the light and dark within ourselves, allowing us to deepen our connections and find strength in vulnerability.

Let’s talk about resilience next – do you have a story you can share with us?

At the tender age of 12, I found myself cast out from my own home by the one person who should have offered me sanctuary—my mother. Lost in a sea of unworthiness and longing for belonging, I stumbled upon an offer that seemed like a lifeline: a 21-year-old neighbor extended a hand, inviting me into his home.

Little did I know that this act of apparent kindness would plunge me into a whirlwind of vulnerability and shame, leaving me grappling with the depths of my own worth. Despite the shadows that threatened to consume me, I refused to surrender to the darkness that beckoned, and I embarked on a relentless quest for self-worth and authentic belonging.

Navigating through a labyrinth of disappointments, manipulations, heartbreaks, and even life-threatening encounters, I forged ahead with a determination that burned bright within me. Each hurdle only strengthened my resolve to break free from the cycles of dysfunction that had plagued my family for generations.

Through the trials and tribulations that peppered my path, I honed the art of drawing boundaries and reclaiming my self-respect with a tenacity that refused to be subdued. As I continued my pursuit of genuine belonging in a healthy and empowering manner, I discovered the power that lay dormant within me—the power to rewrite my story, to redefine my narrative, and to chart a new course guided by self-love and unwavering resilience.

And so, the story of my journey stands not only as a testament to the resilience that courses through my veins but as a beacon of hope for all who dare to challenge the shadows of their past and step into the light of their own worth and belonging.

Contact Info:

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/in_dong_cho/
• Other: https://blog.naver.com/monkeycorea1 https://www.indongcho.blogspot.com

Image Credits
Hana Kim