Today we’d like to introduce you to Finnley Ward.
Hi Finnley, we’re thrilled to have a chance to learn your story today. So, before we get into specifics, maybe you can briefly walk us through how you got to where you are today?
I was born in Washington DC, assigned female at birth, to two baby boomers who have a beautiful interracial marriage. My mom is white and my dad is black; they have two children together. They are the type of parents who feel blessed to have children and are very proud of the people my sister and I have become. My parents were in their 40s when they had me so they were very far in their careers by the time I was born: my mom a life long government lady and my dad a U.S. Navy veteran who has worked for the local health department the last almost two decades. A few months after 9/11 we moved a few hours South from where we lived in Northern Virginia. As a child/teen I played sports, I was in band, I had an active social life, I had a good relationship with my family, and it seemed like nothing was bad happening to me from the outside. I figured out I was transgender and eventually came out to family and friends at the age of 18. I started hormones a year later at 19 (after doing therapy), and then got top surgery at 20 years old. Those life experiences pushed me into the field of Criminology which is what my Bachelors is in with minors in Forensic Psychology and Social work. I pursued my MSW from West Chester which awarded me the beautiful opportunity I have now of working with transgender and gender diverse folx ages 4 and up for gender affirming mental health therapy at a private practice. I recently got engaged to the love of my life and we live with our two dogs: Akeel who is a one-eyed American terrier and Maggie who is a golden retriever.
We all face challenges, but looking back would you describe it as a relatively smooth road?
Honestly, my road has been anything but smooth. As I previously mentioned, most of my life I went through an immense amount of different traumas. Most of my traumas stem from neglect and just being in the right place at the wrong time with the wrong people. My parents were and are great people, they were also older which meant they were well established in their careers and social lives that kids didn’t always fit into. That added to them being emotionally immature from unhealed trauma in their pasts. This ended up causing some attachment issues throughout my life that bled into my relationships creating unhealthy dynamics in my love life as I got older. I love them dearly; they did their absolute best to raise and protect me but they didn’t have all the tools needed to keep me safe. My school life was filled with bullying about my weight and different parts of my identities making school unsafe as well. No one in my life knew what I was going through during that time because I never said anything. All they saw was the happy go lucky kid I pretended to be. Having repeated traumas as a child put me in a state of chronic fight or flight that I am still healing my way out of. I live with complex post trauma stress responses that impact me everyday. I have struggled with severe anxiety and depression that have caused me to make multiple suicide attempts, my worst of which was 4 years ago on my grandmother’s birthday. The smoothest part of my life has actually been my gender journey, funny enough. Mind you, that came with bumps for sure too. I mean, dude, I’m a gen Z with baby boomer parents who didn’t understand anything about transgender folx so you can imagine how that went over. My sister was and still is my most vicious ally who continues to support me through it all. She has never wavered and I love her dearly for that. My parents since my initial coming out have made a whole 180 and are big allies for me, my mom even paid for my top surgery. Most of my life was nothing but chaos and madness I had to learn to navigate while keeping myself sane. So, has my journey been a smooth road? Absolutely not. I learned to move through the bumps and recover from the damage it caused to become who I am today.
Appreciate you sharing that. What else should we know about what you do?
I LOVE talking about what I do for a living because it is something I am immensely proud of and passionate about. I work with transgender and gender diverse folx (some cisgender queer folx as well) ages 4 and up doing gender affirming mental health. I know what you’re thinking, “oh he’s a gender therapist! He’s part of the problem and pushing an agenda!” You, lovely soul, could not be farther from the truth. Gender affirming therapy is NOT the same as gender therapy. Do I help people figure out their gender? Absolutely. I do much more than that though. I can help people through trauma, depression, anxiety, ADHD, Autism, and other related mental health struggles while being affirming of their WHOLE identity, not just parts of it. Some clients come to me questioning their identity or sexuality. Some come to me already knowing it and just want a safe place to talk about their life with someone who understands on a deeper level. I offer a nonjudgmental space for them to explore their identities/struggles without feeling judged along the way or the pressure to conform one way or another. I like to offer a safe space built on the sanctuary model that welcomes anyone and everyone. I utilize alternative creative interventions like therapeutic art, play, and sand tray because I believe everyone heals and copes differently which means they may need alternative methods. I also use a combination of other modalities like EMDR, CBT, Mindfulness Based, Narrative, and more. I strive to give my clients their power back in their journey. I strive to be compassionate and provide clients a space that helps them become their most happy and healthy selves. At the end of the day, I don’t care if you are transgender or cisgender, I care if you are happy with your whole self.
The other beautiful thing I get to do at this job is go out into the community to do educating, training, and consulting on all things SOGIE (Sexual Orientation Gender Identity/Expression) usually focusing on how to make spaces safer for transgender folx. This is something I really love to do and I am passionate about because our world right now is not a safe place for transgender folx and most of that is from missing, inaccurate, or incomplete information that is used to other the trans community. Most recently, I got the honor of presenting at the 2024 Trans Pride YOUniting Health & Wellness Conference on how to better support transgender and gender diverse youth 12 and under because they need more space than they have right now.
What has been the most important lesson you’ve learned along your journey?
The most important lesson I’ve learned along the way is that all of me deserves to be loved, not just the “good” parts. The person who helped me realize this, other than my therapist, is my beautiful fiancée.
She has been my absolute rock over the last almost two years we’ve been together. When we met, we were both in grad school doing the same program and her mom was my professor. I was in a very low place in my life and struggling with heavy suicidal ideation that she had no idea was there. We were friends for a whole year before we started dating which gave us a solid foundation for an amazing forever we plan to have with each other. She has watched me go through hell and back over the last two years and she stayed by my side helping me find the strength and power within me to continue pushing.
To be honest with you, she didn’t even do anything crazy to make me realize this either. But, when you’re a trauma survivor, someone simply loving you with no strings attached is wildly radical. I didn’t have to perform for her love, I didn’t have to beg for it, or go out of my way to make her love me. She filled my mind with love and light instead of resentment and darkness. She had shown me what it truly meant to be loved. And what a beautiful feeling I discovered it was. That all of me deserves to be seen, loved, and understood because at my core I am worthy. She pulled me down from my dissociation cloud to ground me on this earth and I will forever be thankful for the lessons she has taught me and continues to teach me.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://transitionsde.com/about-finn-ward/
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/finnley-ward-0ab466295?utm_source=share&utm_campaign=share_via&utm_content=profile&utm_medium=android_app
