Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Erinn Hoel. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.

Erinn, thanks for joining us, excited to have you contributing your stories and insights. Can you tell us about a time where you or your team really helped a customer get an amazing result?

I was sitting in my office one time and came across a study that found almost half of women in long-term relationships “just deal with low desire.” It made me so angry and I remember thinking, “WHY??” My mission in my life is to help women see that they don’t have to “just deal with” low desire. There’s nothing wrong with you, you’re not broken, you just need to address the real root cause of low desire.

I’d like to share Kathy’s story because she represents what so many of my clients experience. Her desire dropped and she hadn’t been interested in sex with her husband for years. She knew when they had sex, she was only doing it for him, and this led to a lot of stress, pressure, and a sense of obligation.

This stress affected every area of her life. She’d lie awake at night because she couldn’t sleep so she was drained all the time. She had trouble concentrating and keeping track of work projects. She had constant headaches and never really felt *good.* And she was fighting with her husband about everything: sex, the dishes, the dogs. All of this led to her avoiding sex because she was never in the mood and ended up feeling really alone, broken, and worried about what would happen in her relationship if she couldn’t “figure this out.”

My step-by-step plan helped her see exactly what she needed to do to address her hormonal stress response (which was making it impossible for her desire hormones to fire, aka: why she was never in the mood), reconnect with her husband, and actually enjoy herself in the bedroom. This helped her take back control of not only her sex life but her LIFE and start taking action, even on the stressful, busy days, to lower stress and explore pleasure more, which allowed her desire hormones to fire in a whole new way.

This is what she had to say about our work together: “I felt like nothing was in my control. We (her husband and her) didn’t have a sex life and when we did, sex was a chore, it was a duty. Even him touching me was terrible. The stress was taking over my whole life. Now I want to hug and kiss. It’s amazing how much we can connect when my walls aren’t up. The desire is there and I want sex again.”

This is why I do what I do. Because so many women struggle in silence, worry this only happens to them, and think there’s no way out. There’s a reason why all the great ideas women try to increase desire don’t work, like the toys, lingerie, and date nights. It’s because they don’t address the real root cause of low desire. Once you address that, everything changes. It’s a real game-changer.

As always, we appreciate you sharing your insights and we’ve got a few more questions for you, but before we get to all of that can you take a minute to introduce yourself and give our readers some of your background and context?

I’m Erinn Hoel, founder of Hoelistic Health, LLC and Hoelistic Health Coaching, LLC, and creator of the Desire to Fire Program. I support women in great relationships to lower hormonal stress, increase sex drive, and look forward to sex again without doing a complete overhaul of their relationships or having to suffer through sex they don’t enjoy.

My mission in life is to help women see a change in desire doesn’t mean they’re broken, that it’s okay if they’re not in the mood every time their partner is, or if they don’t magically feel spontaneously horny (that’s not how most women’s sex drives work). I do this work because we’re not taught about how our desire hormones work, we’re socialized to deprioritize ourselves for others, and no one teaches us how to talk about sex so navigating this in relationships is TOUGH.

And we’re quick to label women who aren’t interested in sex as having low desire when sometimes it’s a pleasure problem. If you’re not enjoying yourself in bed, why would you want to be there?

So I help women learn about their hormones and how these affect drive, assert themselves and have honest, productive conversations about sex with their partners, and empower them to explore and prioritize their pleasure.

We often hear about learning lessons – but just as important is unlearning lessons. Have you ever had to unlearn a lesson?

I had to unlearn all the sexpectations I learned while I was growing up. These are the expectations we have about sex, they’re the “shoulds.” How often “should” I be having sex in my relationship? How long “should” sex last? How long “should” it take me to orgasm?

They’re often rooted in Hollywood’s unrealistic portrayal of sex, but so many of my clients will ask these questions because at the end of the day, we all want to feel normal. We use this as a way to measure if we’re doing what everyone else is doing and if we fit in.

But they don’t lead to better sex because they’re based on what you think you “should” be doing and not what you WANT to be doing. Unlearning sexpectations and boosting your relationship with pleasure is one of the best things you can do for your sex life.

How about pivoting – can you share the story of a time you’ve had to pivot?

I had been an in-person provider my whole life… and then COVID happened. I scrambled, stressed, failed, and then adapted and started seeing clients virtually and fell in love. I discovered that my clients were just as open, comfortable, and engaged without the stress of driving to an office, finding parking, and taking more time out of their already busy days. They were more comfortable because they were in their homes, their safe spaces. And they were suddenly less limited by geographical region and had the flexibility to find a provider that was truly a good fit, not just someone that was close.

Through this process of building an online business, I started seeing how many women with low desire were feeling alone and lacking a sense of support. This led me to start my online community, that’s full of free resources because feeling alone in this is no joke and women need a safe space to talk openly about this, without the fear of hurting their partner’s feelings, and get support from other women who get it.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.hoelistichealth.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/erinnhoel/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/hoelistichealth
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/erinn-hoel-358449103/
• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCgAyCVYvnr0S7hAXcqh99fA
• Other: Online community: Lower Stress and Increase Desire For Women Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/5682553211822147