We recently connected with Erin Upchurch and have shared our conversation below.
Alright, Erin thanks for taking the time to share your stories and insights with us today. If you had a defining moment that you feel really changed the trajectory of your career, we’d love to hear the story and details.
In 2015, I was invited to be a speaker for TEDx ColumbusWomen, organized by executive coach, storytelling authority, and founder of Articulation, Ruth Milligan. I was newish to the TED Talk phenomena and recall feeling very honored to have been invited to participate in such an important opportunity to tell stories and spread ideas. I jumped right into brainstorming the subject matter and had settled into the idea of having a speaking coach; a challenge because of the vulnerability needed for both accepting and receiving feedback. At the time, I’d been writing and speaking/facilitating for several years. And while I enjoyed speaking and facilitating, writing has and still is something about which I often feel shy. Something about sharing my innermost thoughts and reflections…sharing my quirkiness and deep softness incites a level of fear and anxiety that I rarely feel in other areas of my life.
Approximately a week into my excitement of being asked, I decided that I’d made a mistake. I had determined that there was zero reason for me to give a TED Talk, as there was absolutely nothing I had to say in which people would be interested to hear. I remember calling Ruth in a bit of a panic and spent approximately 90 minutes convincing her that a wrong choice had been made and offered suggestions for who could take my place. To her credit, she listened; however, we ended the phone call with an area of focus, a tentative title, and a plan to meet with my coach, Meagan B.
May 28, 2015, was the day I delivered my TED Talk-Choosing Compassion in the Face of Diversity. It was altogether exhilarating, terrifying, and fun. While in the makeup chair that morning, I connected with Suzanne R who has led me on my current path of healing and radiance. And perhaps the most defining moment was me learning how to settle into the power of my own voice. I do have something to say. And sometimes others will want to listen, and sometimes they won’t. Neither opportunity changes the fact that my voice and my words are necessary.
Maggie Kuhn once said ‘speak…. even if your voice shakes’. That day, my voice was indeed shaking. And even today, my voice sometimes shakes when I have something important to say…and even then, I still choose to speak.
Awesome – so before we get into the rest of our questions, can you briefly introduce yourself to our readers.
I am a social worker, consultant, facilitator, and doula. I have been an integrative social work practitioner (MSSA, LISW-S) for almost 24 years, with a specific interest and focus on advocacy, communities, and organizations, while weaving in therapeutic and clinical approaches to support change. Presently, I am the Executive Director at Kaleidoscope Youth Center, teach in the OSU College of Social Work; and am additionally a 200-hr. certified yoga instructor, polarity practitioner, and End of Life Doula.
My wife (Karen) and I established The Ohio REST Collective in early 2021 following a collective visioning activity. We had no agenda or goal for the visioning other than taking some time to pause and be open to what emerged. The Ohio REST Collective is a collective of practitioners who support individuals, communities, and organizations in their relationship with rest. We do this work in service our commitment to the experience of collective rest and exploring ways to promote sustainable change. Although we utilize multiple lenses and frameworks, our guiding practice is that of Transformative Justice, which I’ve adapted from GenerationFive in service of organizational and community practice. Simply, Transformative Justice seeks to transform both internal (within us) and external systems that’ve allowed harm to occur and or continue to perpetuate harmful experiences.
Through The Ohio REST Collective and my private practice, I work with leaders, organizations, and communities to explore practices and opportunities to help them move and make decisions from a place of rest, in service of individual and collective thriving. Offerings can include, but are not limited to group facilitation, consultation, training/professional development, coaching, somatic practices and more. More information can be found at www.theohiorestcollective.com and www.erinupchurchlisws.com.
We’d love to hear a story of resilience from your journey.
Resilience is such an interesting concept to me. By definition, it means: the capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness; and/or the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity. Objectively we all have a measure of resiliency, it’s how we survive moving through the world. Subjectively, we can observe that not everyone experiences an equal amount of resiliency, which makes me wonder whether it’s an innate capacity or if it’s a skill acquired through the bumpiness of life.
I am a parent to two young adults in college, and without a doubt life as a parent…mothering has offered me a lion’s share of triumphs, celebrations, and challenges. I was married and divorced while still in my twenties. I started grad school as a single mom to a 2 yr. old and a 4 yr. old. Something that I will always remember is the way my children surprisingly ran up to me after I walked across the stage, master’s degree in hand, and tightly hugged me with pride. I wasn’t even going to walk in the ceremony, but decided to do so at the last minute because I wanted them to see the reward for the hard work. Turns out, that moment was just as much for me, as it was for them.
Being a queer Black woman requires navigation of obstacles, both seen and unseen. I often feel challenged as a leader in knowing when to fully step into myself, my power, versus being mindful of the unfavorable ways I might be perceived. I’m quirkier than most would expect, and often don’t think in the ways that others do. About 15 years ago, I was told by a supervisor that I ‘state my opinions as facts.’ And now 15 years later, I’ve decided that they were indeed correct, and that this is something I have zero interest in changing about who I am.
I’ve worked hard and continue to work hard at not shrinking, especially when I speak. The result is an unapologetic, assertive, and clear voice that doesn’t always land comfortably on the receiving party.
It’s also sometimes hard to experience belonging. I adore the ways I’m different, and sometimes I just want to fit in. It’s a regular act of balance and integrity. Fortunately, I am clear regarding the truth about who I am, and I keep people close to me that reflect that truth.
A favorite quote of mine from Dr. Omolara Uwemedimo says, “I don’t need you to praise me for my resilience. I need you to stop creating spaces of trauma, where being resilient is all I’m allowed to be…” While I think it’s important to tell our stories and celebrate resiliency, I’d also like to see a community, and ultimately a world where being resilient is not all we’re allowed to be.
Are there any books, videos or other content that you feel have meaningfully impacted your thinking?
I am a visionary and transformative leader. It’s important and necessary to me that I move with integrity, transparency and vulnerability. It’s also necessary to be clear about who we are, and what we are doing. When discussing my TED Talk, I shared about my meeting of Suzanne R and her leadership and support on my path of healing and radiance. In working with her, I was invited into my why, and into the understanding of my own longing, which is for connection and belonging. I want this for myself and for everyone that has experienced the opposite.
I believe that each and every person has the capacity, gifts, and skills to be a leader. This perspective is one rooted in abundance; and puts us in a position to question not whether we can be a leader, rather what type of leader we wish to be. Leadership is an inside job. It is the ongoing process of learning, curiosity, self-reflection, humility, vulnerability, experimentation, and adaptation.
My identities present me to the world in a way that makes it difficult to fit in. I’ve never really been a follower or joiner of groups. And I’ve always had a strong and insistent sense of both fairness and justice. My first formal act of advocacy was in the 6th grade when I wrote a letter to my principal about a perceived exclusion. My own approach to leadership is unequivocally informed by my lens and experiences as a queer Black, woman. Embracing all that I am, belonging to myself, has grounded me in the practice of ‘queering leadership’. In the anthology Revolutionary Mothering: Love on the Front Lines, Black queer feminist scholar and poet Alexis Pauline Gumbs writes, “Our definition of queer is that which fundamentally transforms our state of being and the possibilities for life. That which is queer is that which does not reproduce the status quo.”
I became a social worker because I wanted to work to fill the gaps in the lives of traditionally marginalized and underserved communities (i.e., Black and Brown folks, people from poor communities, queer and trans folks, etc.). In her book Untamed, Glennon Doyle speaks about the “the unseen order inside us” and that it is “the vision we carry in our imagination about a truer, more beautiful world.” I believe that I’ve been connected to this unseen order inside of myself since a very young age. And all of my work, both past and present, is in service of that vision. This is also where I find hope. I know that something else in possible, and that we don’t have to reproduce the status quo or uphold systems of harm.
Representative, daring, and unapologetic leadership are necessary to shift and expand possibilities of freedom, and ultimately liberation. I believe that we can create a social fabric that holds the inherent dignity of all people. I believe that we can connect each other and ourselves to our belonging; and that we collectively have the power to pursue something different through our everyday acts of service and labors of love.
Leaders have the capacity to be the healers, the holders, and the helpers. We can hold the bigger picture without losing focus on the details presented before us. We support individuals and we build communities. In each moment, and in each movement, we get to be the ones. Through the practice of Transformative Justice, we have the power to collectively build a sustainable world that is kinder, safer, and more affirming for us all. Transformation is possible, in ourselves and within our systems. But first we must stand in our own vulnerability and integrity to speak up and do the necessary work. There is a place for all of us in this work. Each time is the right time for us to show up, for we are truly here for all the times, and especially for such a time as this.
Inspiration:
Audre Lorde
adrienne maree brown
bell hooks
Suzanne Roberts, Unifying Solutions
Contact Info:
- Website: www.theohiorestcollective.com; www.eupchurchlisws.com
- Instagram: @espencer_u; @theohiorestcollective; @kycohio
- Facebook: Erin Upchurch Hewitt
- Youtube: Choosing Compassion in the Face of Diversity: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKoYT3gX65Y
Image Credits
Erin Upchurch