We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Emily Fitzpatrick a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Emily, looking forward to hearing all of your stories today. Was there a moment in your career that meaningfully altered your trajectory? If so, we’d love to hear the backstory.

Absolutely! My sophomore year of college I was attending Syracuse and pursuing broadcast journalism at the Newhouse School of Public Communication. I totally felt out of my comfort zone – the school was prestigious and I felt like a fraud with no prior journalism experience (TBH Oprah was my inspiration. I loved her show. I loved the human interest stories she highlighted, and the space she created for sharing dynamic human experiences).

My classes were hard. I can recall being in a newspaper class where we needed to write headlines about the school’s football team before the end of class. The pressure of timing was on and I pivoted to immature humor around sexuality – sex sells, right!? I can’t remember my exact headlines, but I do remember making jokes about being “sacked”, and how the professor ripped apart my work on the projector in front of the class. I’ve never seen so many red lines on a paper, and I’m pretty sure my face was equally as red! Looking back, I can see that the major did not align with my nervous system – mainly, the incredibly fast pace, but I also questioned my insight…I made a decision, and I wanted to show up for the challenges. It was hard and awkward yet I stuck with it….until I really knew broadcast journalism wasn’t for me.

Tragically a best friend’s boyfriend was murdered our sophomore year of college. I can recall how news outlets relentlessly reached out to her via her various email accounts and Facebook to “share the story”. The media even showed up to her house! My thought was it seemed like harassment and a complete disregard of boundaries in a time of unimaginable grief. I realized the industry was doing what it does – going after “newsworthy” stories, yet it felt like exploitation to me. I realized this major definitely didn’t fit me. When I got back to campus I knew I needed to make a change.

I felt lost and overwhelmed by all the career path choices. After ugly crying on my dorm room bed, I decided to pursue social work. Social work felt like the major to pursue because I’ve always been a person who listens, observes, feels deeply, and senses other people’s energy. Additionally, it created space for there to be a prolonged working relationship (as opposed to jumping in and out of various “newsworthy” stories). (*I do want to note that there is SO much more to the social work profession- this was just my 19 year old self’s understanding).

The highlight of my social work learning experience was taking human sexuality classes with Dr. Joseph Fanelli. There was a buzz on campus about how great his classes were – most folks took his class as an elective and his classes were HUGE- like, hundreds in an auditorium huge. Despite the class size, it truly felt like the professor was only talking to me. I felt alive. Seen. It was the one class I actually did *all* of the reading. I craved to learn more about sex and sexuality, and I looked forward to class each week.

You know the quote by Howard Thurman… “Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” ? Learning about sex, sexuality, and the professions within the field activated something in me and I knew it was what I wanted to pursue as a career. It all clicked for me, and ever since (over a decade ago) I’ve been a part of the field in one way or another!

Awesome – so before we get into the rest of our questions, can you briefly introduce yourself to our readers.

Of course! We can start with the formal stuff. Hi. I’m Emily and my pronouns are she / her. I’m a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW). I specialize in sex therapy and this past November I opened my private practice, Nu Sex Therapy. My training is from the Institute of Sex Education and Enlightenment (ISEE). I’m currently a member of the American Association for Sex Educators Counselors and Therapists (AASECT), and I’m pursuing their certification. Here are some of my identities as well: I’m a white, cisgender, queer, neurodivergent and able-bodied human.

Here are some facts about me: I love drinking bold dark coffee out of a mug that has a great handle. Cheeky small batch greeting cards are a love language to me, and I tend to cry happy tears at events where large groups of people gather to celebrate (e.g. graduations, parades etc.).

Like a lot of people, I was raised in a household where sex and sexuality wasn’t really spoken about – if sex was, it was in context to religious beliefs (Catholic in my case). Any information shared was limited, biased, and shame based (e.g. sex is for marriage and if you have it before, you’ll die and go to hell).

I was 19 when I was in that love, lust, and relationship course with Dr. Fanelli at Syracuse. It was the first time in my life that I heard sex spoken about in a matter-of-fact way. It was the first time that sex and sexuality in its depth was presented. I was hooked. I found everything to be widely fascinating and I craved learning more.

The more I learn, the more I want people to know that sex therapy is really relational and “heart” therapy. The challenges that we solve together are typically around anxiety and relational wounding. We seek to better understand and know how the messages you’ve internalized might still be impacting you today, and what messages feel more in alignment and useful to who you are and what you need now. We work together to better understand barriers and what you might be guarding so you can release what’s not serving you.

Sex therapy is about learning how to show up in ways that are authentic and in alignment with your values. A lot of times there is also psycho-education as a part of the therapy process because there’s a lot of information we didn’t have access to while learning about sex and sexuality.

I really enjoy helping clients step into their power of choice…of possibility and getting really curious about whose definition of “normal” they are using as their standard. I’m proud of the space that I can hold for topics that tend to be excluded, avoided, and even dismissed all together!

If you could go back, would you choose the same profession, specialty, etc.?

Yes, over and over again I’d choose the field of human sexuality!

Training and knowledge matter of course, but beyond that what do you think matters most in terms of succeeding in your field?

What comes to mind is the importance of being intersectional and social justice focused. I believe that learning from people with lived experience and/or who are marginalized is so important to cultivate safe(er) spaces with clients for therapeutic work. Additionally I think it’s important to have a forever learner mindset and to show up in your humanity to be in the field of human sexuality!

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.nusextherapy.com
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nusextherapy/

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